It's okay.

Chapter 20

Vanny had stayed at Alex's that entire day. They talked and laughed and it was honestly the most happy she had felt since she was little. She wanted to stay with him forever...but she couldn't she had to go back to the real world. Jake had texted her 4 times and Vanny didn't even read the messages. She felt guilty about not answering him but she didn't know why because technically she wasn't doing anything wrong. She wasn't cheating on him. her and Alex weren't being...physical they were just talking, innocently talking. Right? Nothing deeper....i guess.

they were watching an old tv show from the 1950s so it was all in black and white. Old movies and shows had always been vannys favorite they gave her so much comfort.
when she was little she remebered her grandpa would come over. They would sit on the couch and watch "I love Lucy." And "the Andy Griffith show." together till she fell asleep then he would carry her to bed. He was the only real father figure in her life. He passed when she was 10 and Vanny's life just went down hill from there. She missed him, a lot. Alex and Vanny sat there, eyes on the screen as the laugh tracks came in and out. Vannys head rested against Alex's. She took a staggered breath and then lifted her head to look at Alex. His eyes were closed and he looked peaceful. Vanny smiled and started to get up. Alex mumbled while moving to a new sleeping postion. "You okay?" Vanny whispered. Alex gave a small nod. Vanny looked at him one more time before she left. Vanny walked outside of his house. it was dark and raining. She walked down the sidewalk looking down at her feet. The night was quiet which of course made vannys mind loud. Vanny didnt know what to do anymore. She didn't know the next step. She felt stuck. She didn't know who she was. She didn't know if she was a bad person or a good one. Does it make me a bad person because im dating Jake and living with Jake even though I'm in love with Alex? She thought. Am I taking advantage of Jake? Or is he taking advantage of me? Or..i don't know! I HATE NOT KNOWING! Why are all my thoughts focused around these boys? Why do they matter? Maybe it's because i don't want to think about myself. I don't. Because The truth is that I'm the problem, all the people that have been terrible to me were only that way because im terrible im not the victim as much as i try to lie to myself. i am not the victim im the monster and that's the reason my dad hits me, the reason my mom doesn't love me and i deserve it. if ive ruined all those peoples lives as much as i have then i can ruin Clara's. if i can hurt all those people then i can hurt Clara and i refuse to let myself hurt her. I can't be in her life if I'm going to ruin it. i need to take myself out of her life and Evreyone else's. Evreyone would be happier, everything would be better. I would finally do something right.

-She stops walking as if she thinks stopping her body will make her mind stop too. But that doesn't work. She looks up and sees cars swerving past her. She's right in the middle of the road. For a moment she is completely calm and barely notices that she could be hit by a car at any second but then she does notice and nothing changes she doesn't even panic. She thought that maybe it could all just end today and she wouldn't even have to be the one who ended it. Cars keep on swerving but none of them hit her. they honk and people scream but Evreyone is dodging her perfectly like she has a protection bubble around her. Vanny just stands there. she pulls out her AirPods and puts them in her ears. Loud music plays, she turns it up all the way and closes her eyes. It feels like hours pass but it's only been a few minutes. cars go off the road but still not one has even been close to hitting her. She takes a breath and then *+SKRRrrRrRrRttttt*+ she opens her eyes and sees a black,old car 3 inches away from her. She looks through the windshield and sees a middle aged man with a little girl. The girl is screaming, she looks upset. And the man looks...scary. The man looks at her. His eyes are bloodshot. He looks like he's about to ram the car straight into Vanny. The little girl starts screaming grabbing the man's arm. Vanny stares at the little girl. The windows were tinted so Vanny had to squint her eyes to be able to see the people behind the glass. The little girl had very messy light hair that had chunks ripped out. she was small and Vanny couldn't make out her face but she could tell it was beaten up pretty badly. The car started to exelarate. Vanny looked at the little girl. The little girl grabbed the man's arms trying to get him to turn but it didn't move. Vanny was ready. She was ready to be done. She just looked at the girl. she could kinda see the girls eyes. They were green and the street light was on them which made them glow. The girls eyes were glistening from her tears and it was one of the most beautiful things Vanny had ever seen. It reminded her of..."CLARA!" she screamed. but she couldn't hear herself because of the music in her ears. Her heart started pounding. the car started moving. Vanny didn't know what to do. She stared at Clara. Clara started screaming. Vanny couldn't hear it but she could see her mouthing the word "RUN". So Vanny ran. The car was chasing her. She ran as fast as she could. She didn't run for her life though she ran for Clara's. Vanny grabbed out her phone as she ran it jumbled around in her hands. Her hands were shaking as she pressed Jake's contact. it Rang. "Cmon Jake- *breath* Pick up- *breath* "ANSWER!!" Vanny screamed. No answer. She tried again *ring* *ring* * ring* "Hello?" Jakes voice came through the phone sounding gravely and tired. "JAKE! *breath* I NEED YOU! *breath*" Vanny screamed into the phone. "is that Vanny?" A woman's voice said in the background. "Yeah- hey Vanny what's up? you sound out of breath. Vanny had a lot of emotions at this momment. Who was that girl? Was he cheating on her? once she got her hands on Jake again she was going to chop his head off but she couldn't think about it right now bc she was about to get ran over. "JUST MEET ME DOWNTOWN!" Vanny said before hitting the hang-up button.

"Where?-vanny? VANNY!?" Jake started to get worried. "What was she going on about?" Said Bianca (the woman who was with Jake) in her snobby British accent. (Ofc she's British- she's also 33👹) "I gotta go." Jake said as he got out of the woman's white sheets. "Why? I'm sure she's just being dramatic darling." Bianca said while stoking his arm. "No. she's not." He said while putting on his shirt. "Just stay." She whined as she looked up at him. "I CANT! I have to help her." Jake yelled before grabbing his shoes and running to his car.

Vanny looked behind her and the man's car was still chasing her. She saw the big metal ice cream cone sign Which meant she was almost downtown. Her lungs were burning and her legs were aching. The car that was chasing her had stopped at the stop light. This was her chance, she ran faster then she had ran the whole time. she didn't know how because her body felt like it was gonna explode but she did it. she ran straight to the auto shop. She swung open the door and ran to the back. All of the workers turned their heads. Vanny went straight to the back not even stopping to talk to anyone. When she was little her dad was the manager of this auto shop and she would come here after school all the time. She used to go to the very back room where behind a box there was a little door which went into a different room where Vanny would go so she wouldn't bother her dad or his co-workers. There was a little bean bag and other stuff for her so she could have a comfortable little secret room. Vanny hadn't been here in years since her dad got fired. Only her dad and her dad's old co-workers knew about her little secret spot so she knew she would be safe once she got there. She threw the box and pulled on the door handle. It wouldn't budge. She pulled again using all her anger, her sadness, her pain, and all those annoying terrible emotions were acctually useful because the door popped open and Vanny crawled inside. She closed the door behind her and immediately went on her phone she texted Jake. "I'm at the auto shop in the back. make sure no one's following you." Then she heared the auto shop doorbell ding.