Screaming (but no noise comes out)

Chapter 2

TW - mentions of miscarriage, vomiting, birth, references to panic attacks and alcoholism

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"I'll take that hug now" Autumn murmured. The moment Marjorie's arms were around her, Autumn's breath hitched and her eyes filled with tears once more. She thought she was done crying by now, but tears continued rolling down her face onto Marjorie's shoulder, feeling her shoulders shake with the sobs.

"I know" Marjorie said soothingly as she rubbed the younger woman's back. She didn't say anything else, for there were no words left to say. Marjorie just let Autumn stay there, rubbing soothing circles on her back as she sobbed. Autumn didn't often cry like that and last time she did was out of anger. Anger from the fact that her own father had orchestrated prom night, to drive herself and Reece away. What kind of parent did that? She swore to be better, do better, do the best she could do for her baby. Except it wasn't enough. She still lost the baby, despite trying to stay healthy and taking all her pregnancy vitamins, despite trying to eat all healthy foods to help nourish the baby, despite realising her limits and taking up to five days of work when needed due to morning sickness. Despite it all, she'd failed at the one thing she was meant to do, carry her baby. She was just out of the first trimester, the twelve week scan had said that everything was okay but despite that, it still happened. Bad things always happened to Autumn, and sometimes she couldn't help but think that she deserved it. Not the baby, nor Winter deserved it but she felt she did.

Autumn sniffled as she cried, not wanting to get snot on Marjorie's shoulder as there was already a wet patch forming from the tears. She found her chest tightening, it hurt. She was told to take painkillers to help with the abdominal cramps, but didn't expect to feel a pain in her chest, a feeling of hollowness and emptiness. Autumn didn't know how long she stayed in Marjorie's embrace, but eventually pulled back. Marjorie squeezed her shoulder and looked at her with concern.

"I'd like another wine, please" Autumn said.

"Autumn, I hate to intervene but should you really be drinking?" Marjorie asked.

"Don't tell me how to feel" Autumn glared at Marjorie.

"Look, I'm not telling you how to feel but my concern is that if you're on strong painkillers you shouldn't be drinking" Marjorie pointed out.

Autumn didn't say anything, sighing loudly as she knew that Marjorie was right. She hadn't told Marjorie about having to give birth and she was on codeine so not supposed to drink, but didn't see the point. What was the point, anyway? She'd lost the baby, the reason she wasn't drinking in the first place. The doctors told her she was at an increased risk of haemorrhage due to being early second trimester and she was sent home with a prescription of iron tablets. The doctors said she was lucky to not need a blood transfusion as the bleeding was severe, which was just her luck. For nothing to work properly. She wasn't supposed to drink—not while on codeine and she'd taken some in the morning, but she didn't know what else to do. And when Autumn didn't know what to do, she'd have a bottle of wine.

"Still want the glass of red?" Sara asked. Autumn shook her head and lowered her gaze, wanting to hide in Winter's hoodie, to stay away from prying eyes, even Marjorie's. Sara smiled sympathetically at Marjorie, recognising her from last time but realising that now was not the time to say anything, not when Autumn was like this.

"Autumn" Marjorie said gently.

"I want to leave" Autumn said, wincing slightly as she brought a hand to her stomach. They said that she'd have bleeding afterwards, and was given a box of codeine in addition to paracetamol and ibuprofen. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to have a glass of wine.