Screaming (but no noise comes out)

Chapter 21

Trigger warning - baby loss, graphic discussion of second trimester baby loss, mentions of eating disorders, mentions of alcoholism and drugging. This chapter deals with the court case and will be quite a difficult read.

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On the outside, Autumn Fortune looked calm and composed as she walked into the court, heels echoing off the floor. At the last minute, Autumn had ended up changing her outfit. Instead of the white pinstripe suit, she'd ended up putting on a black blazer with the black shirt, red braces and trousers she'd worn the day the pain began. The day she realised something wasn't right. She hadn't worn the outfit since she was still pregnant with Blossom, and now she was here in the court ready to get justice for her daughter. A full circle, in some ways. She hadn't been able to wear that shirt since that day. After getting home it had gone straight in the washing basket, the whole outfit had been resigned to the back of the cupboard to never be worn again. The smell of blood still lingered in the back of her mind. Now she was back, with one thing on her mind. Justice for her daughter.

Autumn and Winter had sat in the car, trying to wrack up the courage to go in. It was a day they'd been waiting for, but now that it was actually here neither were sure of how to feel. Despite not getting much sleep, Autumn surprisingly felt well rested. She'd woken up numerous times throughout the night, her heart hammering away in her chest. In the morning when she checked her watch to see how much she'd slept, she was surprised to see she'd slept for four hours and thirty-one minutes. The exact same time as the night before she lost Blossom. They arrived early and sat in the car for a little while, Autumn staring ahead at nothing in particular. All those images running through her mind, the bleeding, the white hospital walls, the triage room with the CTG  monitor that she was too early to use, and scanner that was used to confirm there was no heartbeat. The bereavement suite where she was supposed to be induced except things had moved too quickly and she ended up giving birth there instead. Katie the doctor, having to first tell her that there was no conclusive cause found as to why she lost the baby and then that she was drugged with mifepristone and misoprostol against her will. She likely had the mifepristone first as that was known to cause sickness, and then the misoprostol later in the day.

Autumn and Winter kept their hands interlocked as they took the stairs up. Marjorie, Reece, Sorscha, Clodagh, Charlotte, Mia, Carly and Agatha were all there, dressed in black chatting amongst themselves. When they noticed autumn and winter, they turned to their friends, sympathy etched on their faces. Marjorie went straight to Autumn, putting her hand on her shoulder.

"No matter what happens, we're here for you. All of us" Marjorie said.

"Look, Autumn I know we've not been .. the closest these past few years" Mia drawled.

"Understatement of the year" Autumn raised an eyebrow.

"But look, I'm sorry. I'm sorry about everything, and I'm here to support you and Winter through this trial".

"I appreciate that Mia" Autumn almost allowed the ghost of a smile to cross her lips. "But right now, we have more important things to focus on".

"That we do" Marjorie cut in, not wanting to make the situation any more difficult. "Right, okay. Do we need to queue up, do we need to sign in, what do we do?"

"I'm just going to pop to the loo" Autumn said, walking off before anyone had a chance to say anything to her. She walked straight to the end stall and locked herself in, putting her cold fingers over her eyes in an attempt to slow down her rapid heartbeat. She inhaled through her nose and exhaled through her mouth, keeping her breaths slow and even until she was sure that she urge to vomit had passed. Once she was, Autumn unlocked the door and turned the tap on, running the cold water over her hands. She knew it was going to be an emotional day, so opted to wear waterproof makeup. She splashed some of the water onto her face and patted it dry with tissue before it began to run.  She turned as she heard the door open, finding herself face-to-face with someone she hadn't seen in a long time. Olivia. Autumn's eyes widened and she felt her heartbeat speed up as she looked at the teenager. She looked exactly the same, but there was something about her that made her seem older. She glanced at Autumn as she stood at the sink, checking her makeup in the mirror.