To My Ex Friends

It's hard to process what I am going to write in this section. This section is written to dive into what I learned from each important friend that taught me a lesson. These friends helped me to develop my character.

From Chloe, I learned how to open myself up to a friendship again. I have had the courage to invite people over my house. I was not scared of what other people thought of me. Chloe taught me about what it's like to have a friend that loves and cares about you. Chloe did not exactly have the positive values she should've expressed towards my brother. She viewed my brother as annoying too. This was before he was diagnosed with ADHD but I let her opinions affect me. She showed me that friendship goes both ways.

She got me the friendship rings and I tried to get her a birthday wish from Sabrina Carpenter. I was followed on Twitter/ now known as X in February 2018. On March 18, 2018 I tried to get Sabrina Carpenter from the show Girl Meets World to wish her a happy birthday by dming her. Of course, Sabrina Carpenter didn't have time to respond. It is still the thought that counts.

Willow showed me just how fast people can switch up on you when you least expect it. She took Eleanor back and ghosted me. I deserved to be ghosted because I ghosted someone in middle school when I could not understand what it meant. She gave me my karma. I am appreciative of how her family was towards me. Her grandma also pursued a career in Social Work. I realized that friends can feel like family at times.

From Eleanor, I learned just how much honesty matters. We both had problems with the friendship but we didn't discuss it until the damage was done. We just ignored it, we did not bring it up to one another. Our life changing conversations should have been talked through outside of screens. Having these conversations are important.
It is a way to build trust with one another.
I don't think I truly trusted her.
I wish I could say I did.
Importantly, I learned how much of an attachment I had towards my trauma with this friendship.

When my Mom was in the mentally and physically abusive relationship with my former Step Dad, I struggled tremendously. He was a smoker. I would ask him to quit smoking. He wouldn't stop smoking through all the times he said he would. The smell of pot became like the white noise fan I listen to. I got used to the over $200 a month problem for his addictions. As a kid, I saw a therapist for a fear of fire alarms. The Elementary School principal would alert me before the fire alarm went off. A Social Worker told me once that in the events of a real fire this wouldn't happen. I would not be saved. A Social Worker should not have said that to me a child. I am glad the Social Worker told me the truth. I got over my fear of fire alarms as I grew up.

My Aunt dated and married his brother. She cheated on his brother when their son was around 2 years old. My Aunt was 19 when she was pregnant with my cousin. I believe that immaturity was apart of her actions. My Step Dad's actions towards my Mom's family became rudely disrespectful. He seemed depressed from this hurt. He would spend his money on LEGOs and pot. He expressed childlike emotions with his anger.

I saw that same childlike personality in Eleanor. I could never tell her she reminded me of an abusive guy. I believed that I was becoming like my Mom. This felt like a horrible thing. One of the reasons I left was because I did not want to see her suffer. I did not want to stay because I loved and cared for her.

A part of me didn't want to be blindsided by love. I needed to figure out my own interests. I needed to be my own person. I tried to expand my friend circle in College. I was put in a Learning Community in Freshman year with people of the same major. Luckily, my College has a Taylor Swift club. I didn't need to feel like I'm a fulfilled person when I'm only attached to my friends, such as, Eleanor.

Eleanor took stuff towards social media talking about me in a bad light. There's three sides to every story, my side, her side, and the truth. I wrote this story to tell my truth.