Fawning for You [A Hazbin Hotel Fanfiction]

Best of Wives and Best of Women

"Let's show this bitch who's in charge," she says fastening on a metal arm. ______________________________

Her period came the next day, but it didn't come out of her vagina, it came out of her mouth. For days upon days, she was throwing up blood, chunks, and clots. She took two vials and was disgusted at the idea of having to reingest it.
"Hello?" she called the King on the phone
"Hey, how we doin'?"
She was enraged by his chipper tone "I got all the blood,"
"That's great! Got Alastor's blood?"
"Yes,"
"Great! Now put it in a ceramic bowl and mix with your fingers,"
"Um, my blood has clots in it, is that okay?"
"Um no,"
"I have to take them out?"
"Yep,"
She goes and follows his instructions while on the phone with him "I swear Lucifer if this is some kind of joke," she says raising the bowl to her lips
"Oh, this is no joke. This could kill you,"
"I did it in a ceramic bowl with my hands,"
"Okay, now take a small spoonful and eat it,"
"Does the type of spoon matter?"
"I... don't think so,"
"You don't know?!"
"I literally told you this is the first time I'm doing this!"
She lids her eyes "So I only need to eat a spoonful?"
"Small spoonful. Small,"
She takes out a small spoon "Okay okay," she stares at the spoonful and closes her eyes before drinking it. She gags many times "I'm guessing I can't throw this up either," she says between gags
"Nope!"
"Okay, now I'm drawing the pentagram,"
"Pay attention Voe, this is very important. The way you do this will affect what kind of baby you have,"
"Okay, I did it,"
"That fast?" he sounds worried
"Do you want me to show you?"
"No no! Don't show me!"
"Well now I'm scared, I wanna show you!"
"No! Don't!! Okay, what time is it?"
She looks up and down "You don't know what time it is? Just look at your phone,"
"Voe just tell me the time,"
Voe looks down at her phone "It's..one,"
"It will start to take effect at three,"
"Of course, it will. And how much will it hurt?"
"You want me to get into the details again?"
Shakes her head "No, never mind,"
"Listen, you'll be fine...It'll be like a nightmare,"
"How long will this last?"
He inhales "I'm not sure, but I forget how long the witching hour is,"
She looks around "It's one hour Lucifer,"
"So...maybe one hour, maybe?"
"Oh, my goodness. And when will you be here"
"I will be there when you get up!"
"Okay...I'm sending you a picture!" she hits send and hangs up.
Voe ties her shirt up, to not mess up the Pentagram, and she zips up her oversized vest to cover it. She puts the bowl in the sink. She stands up straight and takes a breath.
"I know you're usually up this late, but what are you doing down here?"
Voe jumps at the voice of her husband, she turns around to see his ever-present grin, with suspicious-looking eyes. "Hey!" she says a little too loud
"Hello?"
"What are you doing?" she asked
He starts to circle her like a shark "I just heard some noise down here and decided to come and see. And here you are,"
"Here I am," she sounds nervous
"What are you doing?" He sounds like an adult grilling a child
She inhales "I was just...eating,"
"Eating what?"
She tilts her head "Why are you grilling me?"
"Hmm, I suppose you're right. Would you like some company in your room tonight?"
"No!" she answers quickly
Alastor squints, his anger growing "No?"
"No, I think I need space tonight,"
He looks her up and down "Fine,"
"Sorry,"
Alastor leaves the kitchen with his back turned to her, very coldly. Every step that he took made his rage bubble like a pot of soup. She was lying and he knew it. She thought he was dumb, dumb enough to believe in that innocent look in her eyes. Was she unfaithful? She had been speaking to Lucifer at great length. Alastor's fingers danced along his cane as they itched for violence. He did not want to believe his theory, but if it turned out to be true, he couldn't be held responsible for what he might do.
Voe lays on her bed shirtless and waits for the hours to tick by. She's waiting for the world of pain that she was told about, but it was worse than she ever could have imagined. It was rip your hair out of your scalp pain. Like your skin is being peeled off pain, like your spine is being ripped out pain. It took everything she had not to scream a the top of her lungs, she almost suffocated herself trying to keep down the noise. It was torture, and suddenly, it was over. Voe looks over at the time and it is 5 AM when the pain stops. Seems like the witching hour was a little longer than expected.
She looks over to her phone when it lights up with a new text
Hey 🦆 how's it going?
She's drenched in sweat when she reaches over to respond
It just ended
can I wash the blood off now?
Shud b gone
She looks down and sees that the pentagram she took so much time to get perfect has vanished.
it's gone
great! 😅
so what next?
Now u wait! ⏰
See u tomorrow! 🌅
______________________
"Welcome back!" They all call out as Lucifer walks through the door, most demons are either indifferent or smiling. Alastor is in the back trying to keep smiling when he really wants to snarl. The first person that Lucifer goes for is his daughter
"Happy to see me?" he asks Charlie
"Of course, dad," she pauses before going in for another hug
The very next person he goes to is Voe, their embrace is deep and long she closes her eyes as she hugs him.
"Hey!" he says when they pull apart
"Hi! You're finally back!"
"Yeah, you practically threatened me,"
"Well, it didn't stop you from saying no before,"
"Mhmm, I am strictly here on business," Lucifer looks around and whispers in her ear "Where's the baby daddy?"
She squints "I don't know if I like you saying that, she chuckles
"Is he not the father of the child?" he whispers back
She rolls her eyes "Yes,"
"Then baby daddy,"
Voe smirks and looks around "Alastor," she calls for her husband
"Hmm?" he asks far behind the two of them simply watching
"He's over there," she points toward him
"Trouble in paradise?"
She leans into the King's ear "It's getting hard hiding this,"
"Well, it was your idea to hide it,"
"I know that, but I don't want to get anyone's hope up and then it doesn't work,"
He shrugs "Well you have to roll with the punches,"
"That's easy for you to just shrug off, he thinks I'm lying to him,"
"Voe I don't know what you want me to do about that,"
"I just want you to listen,"
"I'm listening but I'm not hearing anything that I can do,"
"Whatever Lucifer, ugh men,"
"Don't have an attitude with me. You wanted my help."
She rolls her eyes again "Okay, I get it. Go make yourself comfortable," Lucifer touches her shoulder as he walks past her.
Alastor's eyes moved along with Lucifer, he was getting a bit too handsy with his wife. What had they been whispering about? And that hug had been awfully deep. He watched as his wife stared longingly after the king and his rage increased steadily, his fingers unable to stay still. But he still needed more facts than this to conclude on what fate she should suffer.
"Casper,"
"Yes,"
"How many therapists do we have now?"
"Umm..5"
"Okay, that's better. Do we have any interested sinners yet?"
He looks at his clipboard "No, unless you could Alastor,"
"I don't"
"Then no. Have you been advertising? Maybe you should do a live?"
"I don't know how to advertise it. Especially with Alastor being the first volunteer,"
"Well if the Radio Demon admits that he needs help then anyone can,"
"I don't know how he would feel about that,"
"Don't ask, just do it,"
She grimaces and groans at the idea
"What?"
"I know you don't know about this, but I kind if betrayed his trust in the past. I know that he's only doing this for me, but I don't know if he wants other people t know about it,"
"Well we have to do something, or we're going to be stuck with 5 therapists and zero patients,"
She lowers her head "Ugh, this is why I wanted Angel,"
"Have you talked to him since?"
"Yeah, once. Then he told me to never talk to him again,"
"Oh damn,"
"Yeah, it's a tough subject for him,"
"Maybe you can say that in your live. Talk about how it's tough,"
Voe stares into the distance "I have an idea,"
"What?"
"I was talking to my husband and he was saying that if he needs help then so do I. What if I did it?"
"You as the first patient? Are you ready for that?"
She looks away "I don't think anybody is,"
"But are you ready?"
"Sure,"
"Okay. Do you want to livestream your first session?"
Voe groans
"So when do you want to see your first therapist?"
"Make it happen by the end of the week,"
"Great!"
She knocks on Alastor's bedroom door which opens on its own, allowing her to step inside.
"Alastor! I have some good news!"
"And what's that?" he asks appearing behind her and closing the door
"I will be participating in my hospital endeavor," she clasps her hands
His eyes widen "Oh! So you'll be your own guinea pig?"
"Yes! What better to get sinners to try it than if I do?"
"And what if you don't like it?"
"I don't think anybody likes being told about their issues. I would also still like you to participate, as long as that's all right,"
"I am fine as long as you are doing it,"
"We want to get this done by the end of the week,"
He puts his arms behind his back "Then I guess you need to get to it,"
She glances up at her husband "I have a question," she says apprehensively
"Okay..."
Voe hesitates "Would you be...upset if I were to use your participation as part of advertising the hospital?"
He squints, and pauses before answering "Of course not! As long as you do something for me,"
She smiles "Another deal?"
"Just a small favor,"
Voe tilts her head "What is it?"
"Stay away from Lucifer,"
Voe's eyes bulge "I- what?"
"Stay away from Lucifer," he repeats, slower this time
She pulls her hand up to her chest "Why?"
"Why do you want to be near him so badly?"
"I...I need him,"
"You need him?" his eyes narrow
She inhales "Yes, and he's my friend,"
"Then why doesn't your friend help you with this, since you need him?"
"I figured my husband could help me,"
"Then why doesn't your friend help you?"
She looks away "He is! Just with something else,"
"With what?"
Voe thinks for a moment "Are you jealous?"
"No, I just don't understand why you can't do something for me, but I have to do something for you,"
"You don't!"
"I don't?"
She grabs her arm "Well, no I just would like you to,"
"And I would like you to do something for me, which clearly you can't do,"
Voe walks up to him "Alastor I will do anything else for you, just not that. I can't do that,"
"Fine," he spits, clearly enraged
She reaches out for him "Alastor," she calls softly
"What?"
"I love you,"
"Hmm," he responds before dissipating
"I don't know if y'all have heard of my hospital, but I will be the first patient and my session will be at the end of the week! How do we feel about that?"
lolllll can't wait 2 c her in a psych ward
getting her crazy on
u gettin a lobotomy????
"No, I'm not getting a lobotomy. It's just therapy. You know, you talk about your problems and the therapist tells you why you act like that and gives you a plan to improve yourself,"
sounds boring
booo
hmmm i might give that a shot
"Who better to test it out than me? Right?"
gud luck
better u thn me
ur gonna do great!
"Wish me luck!" she says before ending the live. Voe taps the back of her phone, wondering what it was that she was getting into.

______________________________
Alastor cuts his eye as his wife interacts with the King of Hell, he had known her before, before he did actually. And had he come back to taste more? More of his wife? They cease their whispering and go to embrace, him leading her into his office. Alastor's eyes shined bright in the shadows where he stood, he listened intently for any rhythmic movement, but he heard nothing. Perhaps they kept the debauchery silent? Perhaps they were only necking? In his experience Voe always had a difficult time keeping herself quiet when his lips were on her neck, maybe she'd always had the skill and she never used it on him. But it would come in handy when hiding an affair. Alastor inched closer to the door and was greeted with a loud noise that turned out to be Lucifer coughing.
"Sorry," he says between coughs
He must have been penetrating her orally and couldn't handle it. Alastor smirks, Amateur, he thinks before he remembers that it was his wife who was getting this treatment from a man who was not him. He needed more facts, more info before he acted, but he was already getting closer and closer to that point

"What do you think?" Voe asks as Lucifer examines her
"Welp, she's rowdy!"
She looks up quickly "Wait, she?"
"Wait, sorry no. I was talking about your heart. Your heart is going crazy. That's not good,"
"What does that mean?"
"Uhh, well...it means you should probably chillax a bit. Calm down,"
She drops her arms "Well how am I supposed to do that? I run three businesses and my husband thinks I'm lying to him about something. He asked me to stay away from you,"
He rolls his eyes "Of course he did. Drama Queen,"
"And I'm worried I might die from this,"
Lucifer stands "Well, only one of those things is something you should actually be worried about, the rest can fall by the wayside. You need to relax or you could lose your baby, or worse-"
"Die," they say at the same time "So you are positive that there is a baby in there?"
"I am positive that there's a living organism in there. Do not get your hopes up for a baby. It could be-"
"A miscarriage?"
"That or it could be a lizard,"
She squints "What do I do if it's a lizard?"
"Do you want a lizard baby?"
"No,"
"Then throw it in a fireplace, or dumpster, or sell it. Maybe keep it in as a pet!"
She seems horrified "Can we just make sure that I don't have a lizard baby?"
"You need to make sure that you don't have a lizard baby. No stress! Why not go to that therapy thing you were talking about?"
"Blah blah blah, I'm going,"
"That's what your lizard baby will say. Blah blah blah,"
"Stop!" She whines, punching him as he laughs
Lucifer opens the door "Now go somewhere and lay down or something!" slamming the door behind her
"Casper,"
"Mhmm?"
"For the rest of the week, you need to handle my affairs,"
He looks around "Oh, um okay sure,"
"I need to take a break, from now until Sunday everyone reports to you,"
"Okay,"
"Tell them that,"
"Got it,"
"I'm gonna go and lay down,"
Voe lays down on her back, unsure of what to do. Should she take a nap? Scroll on her phone? Read a book? What do people do when they rest? She stared up at the ceiling in silence, all her thoughts clouding her mind, until she drifts off to sleep.
_______________________

Voe is in the kitchen and Charlie approached her.
"Vera!" Charlie screams "You're in labor!
"Wait, how did you know my name?"
"AAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHH!"
Voe is suddenly lying on the kitchen table with her knees spread open, everyone screaming around her. A scaly hand reached out from her vagina and grabs Angel Dust and pulling him in
"Voe what have you done?!" Charlie screams
"Wait, what?"
"I knew you were up to something," Alastor stands next to her calmly shaking his head
"Something's coming out!" Vaggis screams
A Komodo dragon crawls out of her vagina and spits out Angel's boots, roaring like an actual dragon and then letting out a fawn squeak.
"I told you," Lucifer breathes fire throughout the hotel, setting it on fire
"Oh my gosh! Voe! Why would you do that?"
Alastor is holding a stack of papers "Here's the divorce papers, my dear,"
Voe is screaming at the top of her lungs when Taylor Swift pops out "You are now officially divorced! Into the fireplace, you go!"
The other hotel staff and residents picked her up and carried her to the fireplace, while she watched her lizard baby cheering them on. She burns to death as they all tell her
"THIS IS YOUR FAULT!!!!"
Voe wakes up in a sweat, it's the middle of the night and she is alone, she looks down at her stomach and sees it move a little, but not much. She removes her shirt and then collapses on the bed once more as she has to remind herself that none of that nightmare is real.