Be Like or Be With?

Chapter 14: Guilt

Chapter 14: Guilt

(A/N hello friends, I'm not dead lol. Had some pretty bad writers block but I got over it. Here's two updates cause I didn't update tuesday!)

(tw: depression/anxiety, suicide, drug use)

Veronica's POV (3 days later)

I've been in the hospital for about four days, three of which I've been conscious. Heather hasn't left my side, which I'm extremely thankful for, but she also seems to feel guilty for this. I'm napping on Heather's chest, because the nurse lets her sleep in my bed sometimes, and I wake up from her body shaking and tears rolling down her face. I try to sit up, but quickly have to lay back down due to the pain.

Shhh it's ok. Baby, what's wrong? I ask, my voice full of concern.

"N-nothing. I-i'm ok."

Heather I can tell you're not, I know you. What's wrong?

"Th-this is my fault. If I just stayed with you at the mall then he w-wouldn't have gotten you, and you wouldn't have gotten s-shot, and hurt so b-bad."

Heather. I want you to look me in the eyes. This isn't your fault. He's a horrible, horrible person, and that's not your fault. Please, don't blame yourself. Please.

"B-but it is my fault! I didn't go with you and now you're hurt b-because of me! A-and, you'd be better off with me d-dead!" she says, as she punches the bed, tears streaming out of her eyes.

Babe, please don't say that. My life would be nothing without you, so please, whatever you do. Don't say that. I love you so much, and I would rather be here in the hospital with a bullet wound and broken bones, then be crying at your grave. Please. I love you more than anything.

She looks at me, tears still rimming her eyes, and she gets up and walks to the bathroom. "I'm gonna go to the bathroom, I love you. So much."

Heather C's POV

God I hate myself so much. I know Veronica loves me, and I love her so, so much. But everything is too much for me. I put paper and a pen in here earlier, so I started writing the note.

Ronnie,

I love you. So, so much. But I can't take it. I feel so guilty about everything. And I just want the pain to go away. I've been trying to get better for so long, but nothing is working. Nothing. I've tried so much. I've tried everything, and I can't feel better. I hate myself, but I love you more than life itself. I'm so sorry that I can't be happy with myself. I'm so sorry I'm leaving you. I love you.

~Heather Chandler <3

I finish writing the note and find the bottle of pills in the cabinet, attempting to unscrew it, only to be beaten.

Stupid childproof caps! I say, attempting to be quiet. I hit the lid on the counter and it pops open.

"Heather? Babe you've been in there awhile, are you feeling ok?" she peeks into the room, seeing me quickly tip the bottle into my mouth. "Heather, no! Please, spit them out. SPIT THEM OUT. PLEASE." she says, rushing to my side as fast as she can, despite her injuries. She holds out her hand in front of my mouth, prodding me to spit them out. I finally comply and spit them into her hand, watching her wash them down the drain. She limps back over and just holds me.

"Baby, why? I love you so much, why?"

I just want the pain to go away. I just wanna be ok. But I don't know how, I don't know what to do, I've tried so much to be happy and it still won't work. I sob into her shoulder, letting myself melt into her.

"Shh, it's ok. Will you talk to someone? It might help." I start to shake my head, when she looks at me, she starts crying lightly. "P-please, for me?" I nod my head and cry more.

Am I going crazy? If I am, how the hell would I know? Am I reset to where I was a month ago? I swear to god that all I want is to be happy.

"Shhh, it's ok. When I'm healed, we can do whatever you want. Whether that be cuddling, making out, going to the movie theater. I just want to make sure you're ok." I nod and she leads me back to the hospital bed, cuddling up to me and we doze off together.

(A/N, hello friends! apologies for the short chapter. Also if you can't tell, I project through Heather A LOT. Anyway, that's it. I love you all and hope you have a great day/night!)