[My Dear Melancholy] TWD fanfic

{Hershel}

I'm freaking out. I'm freaking out. I'm freaking out. Im used to being an adrenaline junkie, seeking the thrill that only the feeling of my heart pounding so loud it's deafening or to where I can't feel my face. But right now, the stress and adrenaline I feel is not good adrenaline.

When a person isn't in their right state of mind, they tend to think of possibilities that might be true, might not. The persons mind races with all their negative emotions, anxiety and stress. All the bad stuff. I can't feel my face- and I can't breath.

For the love of everything Genesis- BREATHE. I tell myself, but does my body listen? No. Hershel is like a father to me. He practically raised me. Not having my dad around often, Maggie and Beth babysitting me, Hershel was my dad. I can't lose another. I won't lose another.

My hands clenched around my mouth, a silent dry sob. My eyes wouldn't water, I physically couldn't cry. I tried to push the crocodile tears, but they didn't roll down my cheeks. I wasn't crying. But Beth was. Beth was crying on Maggie's shoulder, Maggie holding her.

I've never seen Maggie so mortified. So- disassociated from reality, being hit with the possibility that Hershel's dead.   Beth starts to shout, her voice a strained cry for help.

"Help! Somebody please- help!"

Carl was in the doorway, his confused and concerned expression rather prominent on his face. Lori came right in, hearing Beth plea's and immediately going to Hershel's side, her hands roaming his stomach and chest- trying to figure out what was wrong.

Lori immediately connected the dots, understanding what was happening. Lori looked to Hershel's neck, checking for a pulse. When the fact that he didn't have a pulse hit her, she immediately went to his lips, bringing hers to his and puffing air from her lungs to his.

In the moment I was spaced out, mortified about whatever the hell was happening infront of me, taking another step back towards the wall. Here comes August, running to the doorframe with Ezra. He was just as confused and concerned as Carl. The two even exchanged their worried expressions.

Lori soon found out that a little puff of air wouldn't bring Hershel back, she started to do CPR. Pushing up and down on his lungs, harshly diving her hands into his chest, pushing down on his lungs. Lori went to puff air back into Hershel's mouth, connecting their lips.

As she did so, his arm swung up and grabbed Lori by the hair, a loud and sharp gasp sounding from his chest. I screamed, as well as Beth and Maggie. Backing myself into the corner, Augusts feet were quick to go to my side, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. Walker. Hershel's turned. Oh my fucking god-

"Lori! Get Lori!" I shouted out of my broken voice.

Maggie sprung up, her arms wrapping around Loris sides as she tugged Lori back, the two of them tumbling on their feet to the wall, the room filling with rushed and panicked breathing. Hershel snorted, his eyes closing very slowly as he lulled his head back onto the pillow.

My head turned to Carl in the doorway, his gun aimed straight for Hershel's head. He didn't look as if he'd turned, he didn't display any other symptoms- other then attacking Lori and scaring everyone shitless. Ezra cooed as he awoke, his cries beginning to echo through the cell.

"Dammit!" August whispered.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I sat inside the cell, Ezra in my arms, I patted his back lightly, his little mouth right next to my ear, snoring into it. I wasn't the best with babies, given I'd never had to deal with them before first hand. I'd say I'm handling it fine. I hear a set of keys jingle, and heavy footsteps.

Thank the lords and heaven above. Rick Tdog and Daryl are back. Finally. My eyes went to Hershel. He looks passed out- asleep. Like he's been for over five hours. My fingers curl around the soft fabric of the baby blanket Ezra's wrapped in, tilting my head onto his.

"Hershel stopped breathing. Mom saved him." Carl said, unusually casual.

"It's true." Glenn added.

My eyes locked with the handcuffs Lori had put onto him, to keep us safe incase he'd actually turn, making sure he wouldn't go anywhere. His limp hand, long skinny fingers dangling in the dull air. It's sad, really.

"Still no fever." Lori mumbled.

She stood across from me, at the foot of Hershel's bed. Rick had a- sort of solemn look on his face. I watched as he held his arm out, patting and grazing Beth and Maggie's back. He loomed over Hershel. I held my breath, feeling the oxygen trap itself in my mouth, my lungs wincing at my decision.

Maggie's head dipped down to Hershel's mouth. I stood up to my feet quickly, startling Ezra. My hand held his hand to my shoulder as he moved. My eyes scanned his whole body, desperate to see what Maggie was seeing.

Nothing. He still wasn't moving, his eyes where shut. He's the same he has been for half the whole day. I backed up again, overall discouraged. I felt like a bunny having a carrot dangled infront of them, desperately trying to get something that won't be given to me.

The silence was the loudest thing in the crowded cell. Just me, everyone and silence. My eyes where glued to Hershel's face, his soft sleeping features. Then, suddenly, his eyelashes began to flutter open. His dark brown eyes gracing us. I released my breath.

He's alive. He's alive, he's alive. My hands grip on Ezra and his blanket loosened, so did every other muscle and tension in my body.

"Daddy?" Maggie asked, her voice filled with the hope we all thought we'd lost.

"Daddy! Daddy!" Beth happily said, it seemed that in the moment, all her worries washed away.

I smiled to myself, hiding my face behind Ezra, holding him super close to me. I was overwhelmed with the feeling of utter relief and simple joy. Hershel was alive and well. He hadn't turned, he hadn't died. He was okay.

I felt the familiar feeling of a tear stream down my cheek, I laughed at the thought. How ironic. I quickly brushed my hand over the tear, removing it from my face.

"Thank god." I exhaled to myself.

I'd never been a religious person. My mother raised me in a house that didn't have religious beliefs or religious rituals. As long as I was alive and well, we where all fine. But in that moment, I felt compelled to thank whoever people pray too. Not just god, but whoever any religion or whoever anybody idolizes and worships.