Poems of a Teenage Girl

Not up to me

I'm one of those friends that never cancel plans

I never even think about it

I never say no

I never want to

I try to show them that I love them

I try to hard and they always leave

But it's okay

It's okay I think

Because at least they don't feel the same way I did

At least they don't feel unwanted

But now that is how I used to think

That it was my fault I could never show up

Realizing now that it's not just mine

I would love to go

I really would

But this choice is not up to me

I ask and I ask my answer is always no

Mind as well lie and say I can't go

And if I do go

Hell is  what I come back home to

What really am I sacrificing here?

Truly it's not up to me