I hate you | B.E.

8

I love you till the day that I die

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It was true. Aurelia, of course, still wished for her mother's and Maggie's friendship to remain pure and strong. However, there was another reason she kept the complete truth about Billie to herself: a lingering hope that Billie might one day change. How foolish she felt for holding such hopes. Billie was no person deserving of forgiveness, and her mind told her she shouldn't let herself forgive so easy. But her heart would crawl right back into Billie's arms any day.

After hearing her words, Billie turned to the wheel, her face drained of color, her eyes unblinking as the scenery of tall trees and lamp posts flashed past while she drove home. Her breathing was uneasy, it was as if the sky had darkened and the roads had turned grayer. The sun shone brightly, but its warmth felt distant, as if it weren't even present. Billie hadn't expected Aurelia to ever say those words to her: to imply that forgiveness was still an option. Aurelia had always expressed her disdain for Billie—or perhaps she had been trying to convince herself to feel that way.

Billie almost wanted to turn to Aurelia and beg her to hate her. How could Aurelia even consider loving her so deeply? It made no sense. After everything Billie had done to her, she didn't deserve an ounce of affection from the girl sitting beside her. It pained her that despite it all, Aurelia remained steadfast by her side. She yearned for Aurelia to despise her—maybe then Billie could fall out of love with her, that was her master plan. Instead, Aurelia loved her unconditionally, and the mere thought of it made Billie wish the ground would swallow her whole. Why couldn't Aurelia just hate her? Why did she have to be so perfect? Billie desperately needed a reason to stop falling for her, to stop loving her, but Aurelia never gave her one.

They sat in the car in complete and utter silence, each desperately trying to hold back their own tears.

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December, 7th grade, Middle school

Aurelia stood in the aisle of the store, a metal shopping basket filled with various goods in her hands. Her eyes scanned the shelves stocked with a colorful array of fragrances, each one promising something unique. She knew her auntie would appreciate a thoughtful gift, and choosing the right perfume was crucial.

As she deliberated, Billie gently wrapped her arms around Aurelia's waist from behind, holding her close. Aurelia could feel the warmth of Billie and the comfort it brought. Billie rested her chin on Aurelia's head, both of them now peering at the fragrances together.

"You should get that," Billie mumbled, her finger pointing up towards the vanilla-scented perfume. Aurelia couldn't help but roll her eyes, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips. She leaned back into Billie's front.

"You're so boring, you always go straight to the vanilla scents." 

Billie chuckled softly, the sound vibrating against the warmth of Aurelia's skin. She lowered her head, her lips tracing a path from the curve of Aurelia's jaw to the delicate crook of her neck, holding there in a gentle kiss. She moved closer, her breath soft against Aurelia's ear, as she whispered.

"Vanilla is the shit." 

Aurelia huffed, rolling her eyes once more in a futile attempt to ignore the butterflies fluttering wildly in her stomach. With theatric annoyance, she stomped the heel of her sneaker into Billie's foot.

"I told you to stop swearing." 

Billie winced dramatically, pulling her foot away with an exaggerated expression of pain. She pretended to be more hurt than she actually was, looking at Aurelia with indignation.