I hate you | B.E.

12

listen before I go.

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Aurelia remained in her secluded spot, her tears long since dried, leaving a faint trail of salt on her cheeks. The weight of the world seemed to press heavily on her eyelids, making them feel heavy and swollen. Her knees were drawn up tightly to her chest, a feeble attempt at self-comfort. She rested her head against them, her hair falling like a curtain around her face, creating a small cocoon of isolation. The cool ground beneath her offered little solace, but she found herself clinging to the solidity of it, grounding her in the midst of her overwhelming sorrow.

Aurelia wished Billie would just act grown, not like a child avoiding her feelings. She resented how Billie retreated into immaturity rather than facing the truth. But as she took a moment to reflect, she wondered if she would have handled things any better in Billie's position. While she would never resort to physical abuse, she could understand Billie's struggle to confront her emotions and the overwhelming fear that Aurelia didn't reciprocate her feelings. That wasn't true, though. Aurelia had shared these feelings all along, harboring a deep, complicated love for someone who, in her darkest moments, seemed so undeserving.

It wasn't Billie changing that kept Aurelia holding on. It was the belief, the hope, that Billie could change. She knew Billie intimately, better than anyone else. She had seen glimpses of the person Billie could be, a person with kindness, strength, and vulnerability. This deeper understanding of Billie's potential was a powerful, binding force.

But potential is a fragile thing to cling to. Aurelia remembered her science lessons: there is kinetic energy and there is potential energy. Kinetic energy is real, dynamic, and happening. Potential energy, on the other hand, is just that—potential. It might happen, it might not. Clinging to potential is like betting on a game of chance. Everyone has potential, but not everyone realizes it. Aurelia understood now that hoping for what Billie could be was futile because Billie, as she was now, simply wasn't that person. It was a harsh, painful realization that cut through the heart of her love and loyalty.

Aurelia let her lips part slightly, leaning her head back against the wall. She felt the rhythm of her breath against her lips, each inhalation and exhalation a quiet reminder of her own exhaustion. Her fingers moved through the roots of her curls, trying to smooth away the tension that had settled in her body. She took a deep breath through her nose, her chest rising and falling with the effort. A final, heavy sigh escaped her lips, the sound a mix of resignation and relief.

Determined to shift her mood, she pushed herself to her feet, her movements slow and deliberate. Just as she rose, the sharp clang of the lunch bell cut through the quiet, announcing the start of the fifth period. The noise was a jarring contrast to her introspective moment, but it brought a wave of relief. The end of the school day was nearing, and Aurelia felt a profound sense of relief at the thought. She was desperate to escape the confines of the classroom and return to the sanctuary of her home, where she could finally let go of the day's burdens and find some solace.

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7th grade, Middle School.

"Hold still, Billie!" Aurelia whined, tugging at her friend's hair as she concentrated on braiding it. Billie winced, her eyes narrowing in discomfort as she instinctively brought her hands up to protect her head.