झरोखा - A window to my soul

How Fools Love...

The sun kept rising, the inky dark of the night sky continued to fade into the light blues of the morning, the birds did not forget chirping and the world was too occupied to not keep moving. I stood at the precipice, a stranger to my own life, watching as the people moved on, as the time passed on. The forgive and forget seemed to work for all, except me, for I was still stuck in the swamp of bad memories and hurt feelings.

The thorny tendrils of worthlessness keep pulling me back, their shadows whispering in my ears, tales of how I belong in the swamp, over and over again. Fool me once, shame on them; fool me twice, shame on myself...but what of the fools who crave the bittersweet taste of heartache, knowing they're destined for pain? The fools who keep begging, crying, screaming at the skies for the curse to be broken, the fools who keep asking, why can't they love me back? Perhaps they are the most shameless of all, for if they are unloved by those supposed to love them unconditionally, they are fated to remain unlovable till eternity.

I've made homes out of people, not knowing the paper thin walls would crumble, and the smallest of storms would render me homeless, trembling and abandoned on the unfamiliar streets, helpless to do nothing but search for a new one. With my swollen eyes and a hoarse throat, I begged, again, please let this one be strong and warm, with the same hope and faith as those of the fools. I have licked affection off of knives when it wasn't fed in a silver spoon and the walls of that home are still decorated with claw marks, all because I refused to let go.

Yet I refuse to relinquish the flicker of maybe in me even as the question,
"How many times can the same thing break your heart?", has "As long as you love it." as it's answer. And love I did...loved so fiercely, heartbreakingly, selflessly, and kept loving till the shards of my own broken heart kept growing in numbers. Perhaps I am to remain one of those fools, who keep giving but have everything to lose.