HIS DELICATE ROSE

Part 17 regret

She had set limits, but what were those limits for?

After three months of the accident, when she recovered from her injury and had her plaster removed, she started praying namaz. Sometimes she cried her heart out in prostration and Dua, repenting for her wrongdoings. She thought that God would never forgive her, even though Allah is Al-Ghaffar, "الغفار," the Most Forgiving.

He always listens to His servants' yearnings and tobah, forgiving those who seek forgiveness sincerely and never letting them go empty-handed. Despite her feelings of guilt as a Muslim, she forgot that Allah is Greater indeed.

It was 1 in the midnight, when she went to bed, she felt distressed and tossed and turned, making sure that Fatima couldn't sense her turmoil. Her heart suddenly felt heavier, and she felt suffocated. She stood up from her lying position and poured some water into a glass from the jug on the nightstand. She drank it, hoping to relieve her troubled mind, and went to her small backyard to get some fresh air. She continued to feel distressed and couldn't fall asleep.

She sat on a chair, looking at the starry sky. Her eyes filled with tears and streamed down from the eyes, she said while looking up at the sky, "I miss you so much, Mama. Where are you? Why did you leave your fragile daughter? I yearn to feel your embrace, Mama." Then she lowered her head, resting both elbows on the table, and the tears streamed down from the corners of her eyes. She didn't realize when she fell asleep.

She had a dream in which she found herself in a garden filled with flowers and trees, she was laying on her mother's lap, and her mother was running her fingers through Helena's hair while talking to her. She said to her.
"My delicate child, o my precious Helena , I'm sorry my little baby for leaving you but it's Allah's will and we must accept his decisions , He is the greatest and He knows everything better than us and knows what's the best for us, I watch over you from here your mama is in a safe and beautiful place, look."

She sat back on her knees and placed her both palms on her knees while her eyes were filled with tears. Helena's mother placed both palms on her cheeks and kissed them gently then helena started crying and pleaded, "Mama let me come with you I want to stay by your side I promise Mama I'll never tease you or disturb you ,"
Her mother replied, placing her index finger on her lips, " shhh no my child, it's not in my hands also I don't want it."

"But why mama? why ? I just want to be near you , please let me go with you mama."
She insisted and tears started streaming down from her eyes while saying.

Her mother cupped her face while wiping out her tears then she said.
"Listen my child, this is a place where we can't live on our own it's Allah's will for us to be here , I promise we'll meet soon my child."

She nodded and looked down, while wiping her face then she said.
"Ok mama I'll come and meet you soon I'll plead Allah and begged in front of Him to reunite us soon even in dreams. and until then you have to take care yourself."

Right then, she woke up, rolling her eyes a little before sitting back and then sat straight. She looked around her surroundings, forward and backward in shock, while calling out, "Mama, where have you gone? You were here just a moment ago. Mama." Then she realized that she had been dreaming. She cried out loud, placing both palms on her face, making sure not to let anyone hear her crying.

She looked up at the sky again, then recited Surah Fatiha and made a prayer for her mother. Afterward, she opened her eyes, staring at the sky , tears started streaming down from the corners of her eyes, she said, "Mama, wherever you are, just take care of yourself. Mama, I miss you a lot. I love you so much. I wish you were here so we could have dinner together, hang out together, and I could sleep next to you in your embrace. I really miss your embrace, Mama. Why did you leave me so early? It's not that stepmom isn't good.