HIS DELICATE ROSE

Part 18 : Desperate Zaim

The inscription at the top read: "THE BELOVED SERVANT OF ALLAH, HELENA AHMED"

I caressed her name with my hand.

A deep longing for Helena filled me. I started to miss her, and an urge increased to see her. Kissing her name with closed eyes, i then flipped the page where her dreams were written in black pen in beautiful handwriting.

"I wish to perform my first Umrah with my parents."

"I wish my nikkah to be held at the Kaaba, in front of my beloved Rabbi's house because I want him to be a witness on my most special day."

"My spouse will be like my beloved Prophet, and we will be a couple like Hazrat Muhammad (PBUH) and his dearest wife, Hazrat Aisha (RA)."

"Also, I want to achieve my goals in the future, and I will, Insha'Allah (God willing)."

"I want to go on a world tour. It's been my childhood dream, but I know it's expensive. Maybe once I achieve all my goals, I can make it happen."

After reading Helena's diary entries, i was deeply impressed by her thoughtful words and aspirations. I picked up a pen and began writing something myself while lying on my stomach, but my moment of reflection was abruptly interrupted. Mr. Ali burst into the room without knocking, rage already on his face, and said in a loud voice,

"What do you want now, huh?" he shouted. "Now you got suspended from your university, do you want to bring shame upon our entire family? Was having my reputation tarnished in front of the whole university not enough for you?"

He stopped, waiting for my answer. He saw me stand up from my lying position, looking at me with pained eyes but saying nothing. Ali understood that i was going through something, but he didn't bother to ask. Instead, he started shouting at me again.

"What's with that look, huh? How much more humiliation will you make me endure? I'm just done with you, Zaim." He stopped, rolling his eyes in another direction, and then said again while looking at me, "I've made a decision.

You are going to London for your further studies. Apply to Harvard. I'll talk to James, the Dean there. He owes me a favor and can help you get in despite your suspension." He spoke with a mix of anger and exasperation.

I stared at him, a mix of shock and anger. Standing from my spot, i said, "I'm not going anywhere, Mr. Ali. Don't force me to do anything wrong that would make you even angrier." I then rolled my eyes somewhere else.

"That's enough, Zaim!" Mr. Ali roared, "What you did to Olivia... nothing can be worse than that!"

I looked at him with narrowed eyes, one hand placed on my waist. I came closer and retorted, "She deserved it, Mr. Ali. I did what I should have done earlier." Ali kept looking at me with a surprised look at my stubbornness because this defiant side of me was completely new to him.

°°°

*Helena Ahmed*

1 week later

I was coming downstairs, upset about leaving Seoul. I couldn't meet Mia, as i didn't want to see any of my friends nor inform them about my departure because of what had happened to me. I also saw the video of Zaim from the cruise night and the one from the university when Zaim proposed to me, both of which had gone viral among the university students.

I was disappointed and concerned, worried about what impact those videos would have on my family if they saw them. This was part of the reason i wanted to leave and start a new life in another country where no one knew my past. I wanted to change, but i didn't realize that the past would continue to haunt me.