Broken Pieces✔

33. Lost

[Ishani's POV...]

Do you know the hardest part of life?

Letting the most beautiful piece of yourself go.

That is exactly what I felt when the doctor handed me my baby boy.

He wasn't breathing.

He wasn't crying.

He was just completely still.

Yet my boy looked so peaceful.

He looked weak, he was premature. That tiny little body of his fit completely in my arms and when I looked at his lifeless body a tear fell down from my eye.

Then another.

And another.

And they continued flowing down with sobs wrecking my body.

He was gone.

My son was gone.

I lost him.

Ayaansh's hand wrapped around my shoulder and I looked at him to see there were tears in his eyes as well.

"A-Ansh our baby... It can't be true. Our boy is gone." Another sob made my throat ache but my hands still cradled my baby very gently.

I can't hurt him, I need to be gentle. He is just so tiny.

"Mumma aapse bohot pyaar karti hain beta. Papa bhi aapse bohot pyaar karte hain. I- I'm sorry I couldn't save you. I love you so much. I love you more than I love myself." I spoke to my baby hoping that he would cry, that he would at least breath.

But I was wrong.

He was gone.

And he was not going to come back.

I looked up to see a nurse holding out her hand to take away my boy.

No.

"Mam please give us the body-"

"Nahi. Mera baccha hai ye. Main apne bete ko nahi jaane dungi." I was panicking I knew that already.

But this was my child. How can I let my baby go?

"Isha...Jaan please let him go." Ayaansh spoke gently as if he was trying not to break me.

"Nahi Ayaansh! Baccha hai ye humara. Kaise jaane doon main?" I hugged my baby closer to my heart and turned a little to my side.

"Isha, please sweetheart. I know you are hurt but our baby needs to be at peace right? We need to let him go." We need to let him go.

In my heart I knew that he was right.

I need to let our baby go.

Ayaansh slowly turned me a little to the side and very gently took away our son from me.

He looked at our boy and I could see him controlling his tear as he kissed the top of our baby's head and gave him to the nurse. He was reluctant but gave him anyways.

I felt....nothing.

I almost felt devoid of any emotions.

The only thing I knew is that I lost.

I lost myself with my son.

Ayaansh sat back on my side and pulled me into his embrace .

He cradled my head in his chest as my eyes fell shut.

A wince shook my body slightly as a shooting pain seared in my head.

Side-effects of the medication.

But, the pain in my body was nothing in front of the pain I felt in my heart.

"Kahaan dard ho raha hai meri jaan?" Ayaansh asked me as he caressed my hair soothing the pain slightly.

"Ye dard kam nahi ho paayega Ayaansh."

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As soon as we got inside the house, there was a gloomy silence.

Ayaansh was holding my hand helping me to walk properly but I slipped myself away from him before moving upstairs to the room we painted for our baby.

The eerie silence with the bright paint made my eyes tear up.

This place should've had my baby in it. It should've heard him laughing and crying. I would've put him in his crib every night. I would've have played with him and told him stories. I would've fed him with my own hands. I would've scolded him if he did something wrong. Ayaansh and him would've been best friends. He would've spoilt our son to no extent. All of this was stolen away from us by that monstrous man, Akshay Yaduvanshi.

God, I am a mother.

But my child isn't around me anymore.

I felt my husbands presence beside me when I picked up a stuffed airplane toy from the crib. Our son would've liked this.

A small yet painful smile took over my lips when I imagined my child playing with these toys.

"He would've loved all of these..." I heard Ayaansh's voice breaking when he said those words.

I looked at him to see his jaw clenched while he controlled his tears.

So, I hugged him.

I wrapped my arms around his waist as he buried his face in my neck. Painful sobs wrecked his body as I felt him cry in my neck.

My own eyes teared up when I tightened my hold around him.

These were the cries of a broken father.

Seeing him so vulnerable, I realized that nobody asked him how he felt when he lost our child.

Even I was so lost in my own grief that I completely let him slide away.

He lost his child too. He lost the person he loved the most. He lost his trust on his father. He lost his own child. I neglected his emotions too so yes, he needed to cry.

After about fifteen minutes he calmed down and looked at me with those gorgeous eyes which were drowned in tears at the moment.

"I'm sorry Isha. I'm so sorry that I couldn't even save our child." Another sob and I wiped the tears off his cheeks.

"It was not your fault Ayaansh. I was not your fault." I kissed his cheek and hugged him again, burying my face in his chest.

I felt him kiss my head before he pulled back slightly and looked in my eyes.

"We-  We need a name for him. For the birth and death certificate." He said blinking back the tears which pooled in his eyes again.

I gulped down the lump in my throat as I realized that naming him was the saddest part.

Every time I would say his name, he would not answer me. I will be just a crazy lost soul.

But, one thing which made me smile was that my baby would be in heaven.

"Do you have a name in mind?" He asked me again before I could get lost in my thoughts.

"A-Atharva?" I spoke. That name just fit. The name was perfect, just like my son.

"Atharva Yaduvanshi. It sounds nice."

Atharva Yaduvanshi.

A beautiful Memory.

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This chapter made me shed tears.

And let me tell you that I never cry while writing.

Love you all.

Bye.