Entanglement

chapter 8

Nayeon walked through the cold streets, she’d been walking for hours now, circling buildings and sitting in brightly lit shops to pass her time. For the first time in a while her mind was empty, her thoughts were clear, it was like she didn’t want to think. She checked her phone, it was low on battery, she still had no messages. At least Y/n was giving her space, the whole reason she was out here was to avoid the conversation that desperately needed to be had but she didn’t know if it needed to be had with Jihyo or Y/n.

The guilt was making her feel sick, she wouldn’t be feeling too bad if it was just a kiss but she knew it was much more than that. She was the one who stupidly kissed Y/n, she wished she could go to Jihyo and tell her it was a mistake; that she kissed Y/n to figure out her feelings and there was nothing there but she was wrong, this kiss left her more confused than ever because there was something there, it let out the huge feelings that Nayeon had been keeping repressed for so long, ones that she knew would comprise her and Jihyo’s relationship.

She loved Jihyo she really did, she clung to their relationship like a childhood teddy bear, Jihyo was comfort to her but with Y/n it just felt different, she felt this pull and feeling she’d never felt before, it wasn’t comfortable like Jihyo but it was more compelling, it was something Nayeon felt like she needed rather than wanted, Y/n was like oxygen, as much as she tried to hold her breath to pass out her instincts kept telling her to breathe back in. More than anything she didn’t know what she wanted, it would take more than one kiss to figure that out.

The cold chill of the midnight city was getting to her, she could feel her fingers go numb as she turned another corner, whether Y/n was still awake or not she needed to go back home, fatigue was hitting her and her body craved the warmth of the heating. She followed the familiar path back to the Im building as she tried to heat up her hands, she walked slowly into the back entrance presenting her ID to the machine, it let her in easy with a loud beep.

She felt dissociated as she stood in the elevator, the fluorescent light made her feel like she had entered a different world, the brightness of it hurt the back of her eyes. She stared at herself in the elevator mirror, her cheeks were red from the cold and the rest of her face was drained and pale with tiredness. She ghosted her fingers over her pink lips, the image of the kiss replaying in her mind, she tried to recreate the pressure of Y/n’s lips with her thumb but nothing seemed to work- she missed the feeling, no matter how complicated it got after, she just wanted the sweet short lived bliss back.

She felt the elevator stop beneath her, she couldn’t tell if the dropping feeling in her stomach was from the change in velocity or from the unknown of what waited for her behind the penthouse door. She slowly pushed open the door and lightly stepped in, the room was pitch black, the only light that entered was the light from nearby buildings, Nayeon felt around for a lamp and slowly clicked on one.

She crept over to the bedroom, in there she saw Y/n sleeping deeply, her eyes firmly shut and her limbs wrapped around the sheets, Nayeon envied the fact she was able to sleep when her herself just felt too restless to put her brain to sleep. Without making a noise she moved over to her closet and fished around for a blanket, eventually she pulled out the grey one she’d ordered online a few weeks ago.

Her eyes darted back over to Y/n who lay there unmoved, it was tempting to craw in beside her and lay her head on her soft chest, smiling the second she felt the familiar arms wrap around her but she couldn’t do it, she didn’t want to give Y/n the wrong idea, she didn’t want her to think she was confident in her feelings.

Leaving sleeping Y/n behind her she made her way back into the living room carrying the blanket.

‘This should be fine’ she said to herself, she knew she was lying, after over a month of sleeping next to another person in one of the comfiest beds known to man she knew she was going to have trouble sleeping on this itchy couch but she persisted anyway, she needed to sacrifice her comfort to no over complicate things, she would try to talk to Y/n in the morning when she had a clearer head, or maybe in the afternoon but she had to get things straight before Jihyo’s engagement party that evening, she just needed to figure herself out before then- it was difficult putting a deadline on emotions.