One Shots & Ideas.

Depressed.

A/N: This is terribly written :)

-

Kirstin sat on the cushioning that was in front of her window.

"It's two in the morning, why are you still awake?" Kirstin snapped her head back to see her older brother, Kyle, standing at her door.

"Can't sleep." Kirstin replied, looking back out the window, and up at the stars of the night.

"Can I join you over there?" Kyle asked, receiving a nod from Kirstin. Kyle sat next to her, making sure not to take up too much room. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure." Kirstin said quietly.

"Why are you like this?" Kyle asked. Kirstin looked over, her eyes meeting with her brothers.

"What do you mean?" Kirstin questioned.

"Depressed. Why are you so depressed?" Kyle asked.

"Stop, Kyle." Kirstin said.

"Stop what? I deserve to know why my sister has secluded herself from me. I deserve to know why my sister is suddenly so scared. I want to know why my sister is dropping weight like its nothing. I want to know why my sister isn't getting any sleep. I want to know what these are.." Kyle opened his hand, revealing Kirstin's blades that she thought she had hid.

"How.." Kirstin looked at the blades with wide eyes, "How did you find those?!"

"I just did. Why, Kirstin? Why are you using these?!" Kyle yelled.

"Stop yelling." Kirstin said.

"Mom and dad aren't even home." Kyle said.

"Yeah, but Paige is." Kirstin said. Paige was their younger sister.

"She's downstairs, asleep on the couch." Kyle said.

"Still, there's no reason to yell." Kirstin said.

"What good do these do? Hurting yourself doesn't help." Kyle said.

"You think I don't know that?!" Kirstin was the one yelling now. "You think I'm just some stupid girl, don't you? You think I don't know that blades hurt skin, or a rubber band would hurt too? Or even my own fists? I know this, Kyle!" She yelled.

"Then if you know, why do you do it?" Kyle asked her.

"Maybe it feels good." Kirstin whispered.

"This isn't okay. I understand it being hard to talk to parents about this, but you could've depended on me." Kyle said.

"I don't like depending on people because people leave all the time. Because at the end of the day all you have is yourself and for some reason.. That has to be enough." Kirstin said. "I'm hurting and no one cares!"

"Kirstin, that's beside the point-"

"What? My pain is beside the point?" Kirstin asked.

"No, that's not what I meant-"

"No! That's exactly what you meant! Do you know what it feels like to have barely any friends that are there for you? Do you know what it's like to have no one who understand you? Do you know what it's like to have no one to talk to, or to feel afraid of talking to people? Do you know what it's like to hide your pain everyday? Do you know what it feels like crying all the time? Do you know what it's like to feel like you are doing nothing right? Do you know what it's like to be judged for every thing you do? Do you know what it's like to want to hurt yourself? Do you know what it's like to overthink everything? Do you know what it's like being tired all the time? Do you know what it's like to feel empty? Do you know what it feels like to want to give up? Do you know what it's like to not feel wanted? Do you know what it's like to fake a smile? Do you know what it's like to feel sad for no reason?" Kirstin said this all at once with tears in her eyes. She looked up at Kyle who just sat there, lips parted and eyes wide. "I do. And it hurts like hell." Kirstin sobbed.

"Sis, I didn't know it was that.. Intense and serious for you. What are you feeling usually around this time at night?" Kyle asked, shocked.

Kirstin cleared her throat. "Around this time, I realize that I'm not okay. That everyone around me is in their safe dreams, while I am kept awake by these demons that won't let me sleep. My thoughts begin to spiral... And downward I go. It's like as soon as my first tear falls, I've called a storm. My heart is in these tangles and my mind is just a mess, I just find myself scattered. I feel like I'm drowning in my own sea of.. Sadness. I just lay awake, wishing I had spent my night counting the stars, instead of counting all the problems in my life."

"Why would you let your sadness plummet this low? This isn't good for you. This isn't good for Paige to grow up to see. You're her role model, Kirst.." Kyle said.

"Well you know what? I hope she doesn't make the same mistakes as me. I hope she doesn't listen to the words or let herself sink into the dark thing we call life. I hope she never lets that little glimmer of light in her soul burn out. I beg that she never pushes away that helping hand that wanted to know why she's lonely like I did. If she was up here I would tell her, 'Don't you dare become your own worst enemy, because it's a battle you'll never win.' And if I could make her keep something close to her heart, it would be the thought that someone will always love her." Kirstin lets the tears stream down her face.

"You don't deserve all that. I'm throwing these away." Kyle motioned towards the blades.

"What?! No! You can't!" Kirstin panicked.

"I have to! You know that!" Kyle yelled back.

"No, please! I need those! I need them!" Kirstie begged, taking in shallow breaths due to her sobs.

"No you don't!" Kyle set the blades down. "Stop, Kirstin. Stop." Kyle held her by her upper arms. "You're okay. You will be okay. Get in bed, close your eyes, and sleep." He said calmly.

Kirstin nodded, and crawled into bed.

"Goodnight. I love you." Kyle said.

No reply, as he closed the door.

-

"Kirst, I made breakfast." Kyle peaked his head through Kirstin's bedroom door.

"I know you're away. You never sleep in this late." Kyle chuckled.

Kirstin stayed still.

"Look, I know last night was rough but we can get through this together." Kyle said, walking over to sit next to Kirstin, who was under the covers.

"Kirstin?" Kyle shook her body, rolling her over. "Oh my god!" He screamed.

There was Kirstin.. A lifeless, pale body. A bottle that was once full.. Was empty besides the few pills around it.

"Why? What did you do?!" Kyle screamed. "Why did you do this?!"