Phanfiction

Insecurities

"Okay bye guys!" I exclaim with a smile before ending the live show. I turn off my laptop, looking at the black screen with a sigh. I catch a glimpse of Phil standing in the doorway and I turn to look at him. "Really Dan?" He questions in that knowing tone, no matter how much I try I just can't fool him, everyone else I can, just not him. "What?" I inquire innocently even though he can read me like a book. "You're not fine are you? You may be able to fool them Dan but not me...I know that that video bought back some difficult memories for you." He's right. I've been avoiding doing that type of video for a while now...I knew that I would have to delve into my past and I knew it would be difficult but not this difficult...
"Dan you're not okay are you?" Phil repeats and I bring my hands up to my face to shield the tears from view "..no.." "Dan come here, please don't cry!" Phil encourages and even though I don't want him to see me cry I desperately need him right now. I stand up and walk to him hurriedly, I loop my arms around his neck and bury my head deep into his shoulder. "Do you want to talk about it??" He questions softly wrapping his arms around me, I shake my head and continue to cry into his shoulder however after a couple of minutes I suddenly just blurt out everything that I've been holding in over the past couple of days "I'm just so insecure Phil...I know that my life is much better now but I still have a lot of the same insecurities: I'm not attractive, I'm not clever, I think that I'm funny but in reality I'm really not...I'm just not good enough Phil..." My body rattles with sobs but he just holds me in his arms and tries his best to comfort me "Dan you are the complete opposite of all of those things! You are so clever! I am astonished everyday over how much you've managed to accomplish! You are actually really funny and I know that a lot of people would agree with me." I lean back until we're face to face, he places one of his hands delicately on my cheek, softly grazing over it with his thumb as if he's trying to erase my tears "You are so gorgeous Dan and even if you're not enough for everyone else you will always be enough for me." He leans forward pressing his lips to mine; the kiss is small yet perfect. We pull apart and rest our foreheads against one another "I wish so much that I could believe you Phil.." I utter as the tears start to fall again "Hey, hey, don't cry.." We both pause for a second realising what was coming next "...craft." I giggle even though bitter tears still fall from my eyes, he laughs before saying "in all sincerity though Dan...I would willingly devote my life to telling you all of this everyday if it meant that you could see yourself through my eyes." I don't want to argue with him, I don't want to ruin the moment with my cynical thoughts, I just want to be with him and be happy. I pull him close to me and he embraces me in his warm arms once again "Thank you so much Phil!" I exclaim quietly "it's okay Dan" he assures "I love you." That is one thing he says that I know is definitely true "I love you too."