Phanfiction

New York

I love being in New York. Everything is so big and bright, it's magical. I especially love being here with all our friends from Youtube! I can't believe that Youtube is 10 years old! This trip has been amazing so far! It's our last night here so we're having a massive party and even though I'm not a huge fan of parties I can't wait! 

Dan and I aren't ones for getting ridiculously drunk but as there's a free bar we decide to have a couple of drinks. It's about half eleven now and we're sat with a (surprisingly) rather sober Tyler who's discussing something with Dan (I've kind of zoned out). I look around the room and spot Joey and Cat chatting "Hey Dan, why don't we go and talk to Joey and Cat?! We haven't seen them in ages!" I suggest cheerily "Not right now Phil, I'm trying to talk to Tyler. You can go and talk to them if you'd like." I wander over to them and say hi but our conversation abruptly ends as a very drunk Shane pushes me out of the way to slur something at them, at which they promptly leave, leaving me all alone. I glance over at Dan who's still in a deep discussion with Tyler, I doubt he's even noticed that I've gone...

It's about an hour later and I've consumed more glasses of alcohol that I would care to admit, note to self: don't drink when you're A) bored and 2) pissed off! I leave the bar and stumble over to where Dan is now stood talking to Louise. I tap him on the shoulder and he turns round, looking surprised to see me "You fucking bastard!" I exclaim and his eyes widen at my remark "What the fuck Phil?!" He's obviously also had more to drink. "You're supposed to be my best friend! Yet all you've done tonight is fucking ignore me! Am I not good enough for you anymore Dan?!" I slur loudly, a crowd has started to form around us, everyone wondering what all the commotion is. "I haven't ignored you Phil!" He exclaims - what a liar! "I've just been busy talking to people who I don't get to see very often - I see you everyday!" He has a point but I'm too drunk and angry to recognise that; instead I just keep shouting at him "Just because you see me everyday doesn't mean you can ignore me!" I shout, taking a step closer to him. "Phil I wasn't ig-" "save it! I've had enough of your bullshit! I know the reason you've been ignoring me. It's because I'm not enough for you isn't it?! You've had enough of me so you're just going to move on and fuck some other guy like the slut you are! I'm your fucking boyfriend Dan! You're supposed to love me!!!" I scream in his face, too drunk to realise that I just outed us both to the entire room. Dan is silent for a minute, his eyes hot with rage "Why the fuck did you just say that?!" He exclaims taking a step closer to me - we're face to face now. "Because I am sick and tired of hiding who I am for your pathetic sake!" I state as I turn and start to walk away, my anger subsiding slightly. "You're the pathetic one, you're the one who has to get drunk to be able to confront your feelings." Dan angrily mutters, just loud enough for me to hear, I swiftly turn around walk straight towards him, swinging my arm around so my tightly clenched fist crashes into the side of his face.

I awake the next morning with a splitting headache, I slowly sit up as the room spins around me - how much did I drink last night?! I suddenly rush to the bathroom and throw up in the toilet, once, twice, then a third time - I must have had a lot to drink last night, alcohol never really agrees with me. I wash my mouth and then collapse onto the bathroom floor desperately trying to remember what happened last night. I eventually give up and decide to go back to bed, maybe I can sleep off this awful hangover and regain some memory of last night.

I awake a couple of hours later feeling better, I still have a slight headache but I no longer feel sick which is a start I guess. I sit up and look around our hotel room before in notice that Dan's not there - where is he? Yesterday was our last official day here but we decided that we would stay an extra couple of days. I sit here for a moment in the silence, racking my brains for some answers - still nothing. I decide to take a shower as I'm still in last nights clothes and I smell like stale alcohol and vomit.

After I've showered and changed, I pick up my phone and call Dan - no answer. I call again - still no answer. Where could he be? Eventually I give up on calling Dan and walk down to Louise's room (feeling better and fresher than I did earlier). I knock on her door and wait a moment before she opens it "Oh..hi Phil" she says as if she's surprised to see me. "Hi Louise, I was wondering if you know where Dan is?" I ask, still wondering what happened last night. She pauses for a moment before apprehensively replying "Umm..yeah I do, he's in here actually, he spent the night here." Confusion washes over me - what's going on? "Why did he spend the night in your room?" I inquire and she looks at me puzzled "because he didn't want to sleep in your room last night after what happened." What actually happened last night?! "After what happened?" I question and she looks at me with a shocked glance "Phil, do you really not remember what happened last night?" I shake my head, I'm still so confused - what happened between me and Dan last night?!

"Can I come in?" I ask after a while and Louise pauses slightly before letting me in and closing the door behind me. "He's over there.." Louise gestures to the seat next to the window in which Dan is curled up in. I take a deep break and walk over to him.

"Dan?" I say softly as I approach him; he turns slowly to face me with tears in his eyes - there's swelling and dark bruising all around his left eye and down his cheek. Suddenly my memory floods back to me - the drinking, the argument, the punch...

I quickly rush to the bathroom just in time before I throw up in the toilet for the fourth time today and not because I'm hungover this time, but because the thought that I have done something like that to Dan makes me literally sick. I wash my mouth and lean against the wall of the bathroom as I hear the door shut - Louise must have left to give us some privacy.