Cuphead: 6/10 bro would gamble me away but always defend me like pick one
Mugman: 9/10 if I were Cala he would simp for me but I'm not
Goopey: 1/10 he tipped his hat and that's it
Ollie Bulb: 3/10 bro would just make me cry
Spud Sputter: -1000/10 bro has no aura 💀
Chauncey Chantenay: 4.5/10 pretty sure he needs to be in a mental institution
Ribby: no/10 bro rolled the entirety of the boss fight and became a slot machine.
Croaks: 4/10 still became a slot machine but was amazing in the Cuphead show (croaks is honestly just built diff then ribby)
Cagney: 10000/10 jk bro's a -100000/10 for being ugly, overrrated, and insane which I didn't think was possible (flowey is better)
Beppi: 6.5/10 funny but immature and prolly stupid (another character that also needs to be on the insane list)
Wally Warbles 0/10 bro has that ugly kid that I HATE and I don't want that thing (his son literally has the ugliest cry known to man)
Grim: 7/10 too shy for me but he's pretty cute
Djimmi: 10/10 bro's hot, laid-back and prolly can slap someone just like will smith
Brineybeard: 6/10 he's obsessed over cala (y is Cala stealing all my mans.)
Werner: 100/10 smart, cute, and a rat. love it.
Dr. Kahl: -10/10 essentially the worse version of Werner.
Mommy, can I have Werner Werman?
No, we have Werner Werman at home.
Werner Werman at home:
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
(and yes I drew that if It wasn't obvious. "I'm no artist" - me and every teacher ever)
Every phantom express member: 0/10 literally dead
Sally's husband and the bee cop: 8/10 hot but engaged or just horribly weak (sally's husband is so cute supporting her tho)
King Dice: 8/10 overrated but still ok and funny if not a bit cocky
And yes we are going through ALL his mini bosses (:
Ol Ethan and Rummulus: -100/10 brother ew ew whats that
Chips: 7/10 if he was anything like the fanart then yes.
Wheezy: 7/10 once again then fanart
Pip: -1000/10 i'm pretty sure he has a relationship with dot
Hopus: 9/10 insane but cute. i want to cuddle it for some reason.
Phear Lap: 7/10 eh he looks nice ig
Mangosteen: 0/10 no.
Mr. Chimes. 0/10 also no.
The Devil: -1000000/10 no. he can be a snake and spider so just no. plus I like seeing him cry.
Elder Kettle and Mortimer Freeze: 1/10 if they were younger then maybe (they'd be my sugar daddies 🤑)
Glumstone: 0/10 bros a mountain and would prolly be asleep our entire relationship (i'm NOT going to be a mother figure to those stupid little gnomes.)
Charlie and Hugo: hot (ish in charlie's case) but kinda stupid (and i think hugo may be married to o'fera but idk)
Chef Saltbaker: 10/10 hottie, chef, and the only insane person I can tolerate. perfect. (I can be the pepper to his salt)
The king's leap: the rook and night are ok but the pawns and king are off this list for good reasons
none of npcs are hot except....
PORK RIND: 9/10 anger issues but still hot and he cares🥺
