How I Fell in Love

The Meddler

Desians fireball of energy was the thing we both needed to speak up. All my crushing lead to her getting involved. On my end she did ask permission to get involved. Mostly just small things like ask you questions or slip some information about me. I don't truly know what she did say because half the time it felt like she told you nothing. She'd go over and talk to you for long periods of time. It always looked like an intrusion.

After awhile of meddling I told her to stop because I felt embarrassed about the whole situation. I rather accept the fact you were not interested and would leave it like that. Though I wanted everyone's noses out of my business, nobody dropped it. I just tried my best to ignore them all.

We continues our on and off texting. It was sometimes pathetic and other times sweet. I was conflicted with the whole situation. Did you or did you not like me? Maybe I was reading into it to much, like from the start. This whole thing could've been a big misunderstanding.

It was sometime in October that you begun inbeding yourself into my group. I would invite you and hope you'd join us, when you would I felt visible. It was a relief and made me feel comforted. You would even ask to join on your own. I did wonder if Desian was the one behind it all but I never wanted to give her to much credit. Though you did chose to sit with us, an all girl study group plus you, there were many instances where you left early or would only pass by to say hi. It still felt like we were getting somewhere, however small the progress.

Our study groups were mostly social clubs because nobody could keep themselves on track and my voice wasn't load enough. You joined us one day after school. I don't remember if you were invited or had seen us, it's been awhile. But you sat with us and while everyone chatted we played hearthstone. Earlier there was a plan for Julia and Desian to ask you about me, really ask you and hopefully get an answer. Hui had convinced me it would work and I was just desperate for anything.

It all seems so silly. Like we're back in high school gossiping and talking about boys. Very pathetic honestly. But that's how low I stooped in order to have you in my life, even if you were just a passing person drifting in and out.

Anyways, Hui and I excused ourselves from the group. We walked towards the washrooms and then took the stairs up to do a long lap. We came back around towards the cafeteria stairs coming down. We ran into you, of all people. You literally passed us and didn't say anything. I stood there for a second thinking "he really didn't see me? Or does he not care?" By the time you were below us, a few steps I called out to you. You stopped to acknowledge me and said you had to leave, then kept walking. I was hurt, but then it dawned on me that whatever the girls said to you must've sparked your behaviour.

The first thing I asked after bursting into the glass room was "what did you do!" It was more dramatic then I meant it to be and everyone just stared at me. I don't think they had seen me get upset before. They explained that nothing had happened. Neither Desian or Julia had the chance to say anything to you. You had left the room shortly after me and didn't even think to say bye. I literally packed my bag and left after that. I was just overwhelmed with emotions. It felt like you really didn't care, though we hung out on occasions it was only as friends and nothing more. I begun feeling more and more silly. I let this summer crush destroy me, how could I let it happen!?

When I got home after my very mind destroying walk, I sat in bed wondering if I'm really worth anyone's time. You had made me feel so seen and provided a comfort I've never felt before but I felt like with every passing day I was losing that. So I texted you before I let the whole situation destroy me. I needed to know what was going on.

I didn't get a response until later that evening. You had explained that something came up at home so you left early. After I got your answer, I remember telling you I was busy and we ended it like that. I cried that night. I seemed to be making everything about myself and I forget people have lives. Though what bothered me most was how you walked by me in the stairway. There was no acknowledgment until I spoke up.

Everything seemed more awkward after that whole situation. I was acting different and I knew it. All I wanted was your comfort and kindness. The man I met at Wonderland but you weren't showing me him. Even with all this weighing on me I still stuck around. It makes me feel desperate that I'd let someone destroy me to this level and i still hold onto hope. I know people need time to show their true selves so I was holding on. I also have the horrible habit of keeping things passed their expiry.