NET
Letting my body drained out, I let my sweat flow down. Getting done with the dumbbells, i started with push-ups. Doing the push-ups with counting internally, I let my brain think as much as I could.
“He will leave me again, if I let him have sex with me. Like he did in past.”
“He will get enough of me and then abandons me again.”
“Having sex with him is like ending a relationship. Again.”
“In past, he left me the day after i had sex with him. Now I can't let him go again by giving him sex.”
Drained totally, I let muscles rest. Laying on the floor, I spread my hands and legs. The sweat in my whole body was evident of my hardwork I did on my workout.
Even the big and strong muscles are evident from the vest. Huffing air in and out, I stood up. Getting my water bottle, I chugged the water down my throat.
“My life is just…wait why am I even thinking of him.” I shook my head vigorously, standing up I left the gym room. Watching my wife sleeping, I went to bathroom for shower.
Cleaning my sweaty body. I came to bedroom, briefly sighing, “Why everything is ruining continuously?” speaking to the sleeping beauty. I just tugged the small hair stred behind his ear, “You are more beautiful.”
My subconscious mind activated, leaning forward. I placed a small peck on his forehead, “I can't help but drown into you without a clue.”
Lastly, smiling, I left the bedroom. If I stay here more, then I will make him more angry. Getting to my office room, I started working.
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Streching my arms, i arched my back. Yawning, I got up from the chair. My eyes fell on the watch showing 11:30 pm. Getting the hold of my phone i scrolled through it, I saw texts and updates.
I saw a text from my best friend, ‘Yo Bro, hru? I see, you aren't coming to bar ever since you got married. Enjoying, huh? C'mon, meet me once. I'm getting bored without you here in the bar.’ reading the whole text, i remember my bestfriend. Tutor.
He and i, are best friends since high school. He was always with me in my high and lows, always motivated me. But after, i stepped into this business shit i distanced myself from everything which included tutor also.
Finally, after I got to know I'm getting married to James, I contacted him. Meeting each other after months, we started hanging out frequently. Drinking in bars, going to clubs, and so on.
And after I'm became a married person, I again forgot my best friend. How selfish I'm, right? Whatever, now. I will go to meet him.
‘Lets meet tomorrow, we can have shots and some fun. I will call you.’ i texted back. He did see it in seconds.
Putting my phone down, I walked to leave the room. Getting the door locked, i entered the living room, “I should not sleep with him. I can't control myself or else.” sighing to myself I made my way to bedroom. Getting in, “Sleeping beauty won't wake up.” chuckling, I closed the door and left bedroom. Entering the guest room which is beside the office room, I layed on bed.
Guest room's bed is not comfortable for me as it is obviously made for the irritating relatives who visit us to spend a night here. They should feel irritated to spend night here so I purchased a cheap bed for guest room only.
I know I'm smart.
With open eyes, i thought, “Why was James not pushing me if he hates me? Was he also enjoying it? Was he trying to get something from me? Is sex what he wants from me?”
“Ahh…it's very confusing, I can't understand what are his motives.” pulling my hair in frustration, i decided to not think anymore. But still, the thoughts were running in my head.
Whole new concept and conspiracy theories were forming, i definitely tried to avoid them but my broken heart interpreted them to my brain.
“Is he doing this all for sex only, then I'm not giving it to him. Giving what he desires for is kind of giving up to me, so I'm not giving up on myself. I will fight this time.”
“He left me once, who knows if he can't leave me the twice. He can, absolutely he will once he got what he wants, right.”
“He himself told me, he don't love me. I'm not his type, he said this all. He said it means those were from his heart. He broke up with me, now he can't patch up, right?”
“He won't, he just wants his need to fulfil, and it will happen by me so he's going sweet with me. He's trying to get me through easy ways. I won't let him.”
“I won't give him what he wants now.”
“I will not give up on myself.”
Falling into deep thoughts, I slept. Thinking about the possible outcomes, i came to conclusions. I don't know if I'm thinking right or wrong, but I know, I'm not doing the wrong deed. I'm just being protective of myself.
Once, I was hurt brutally, now I don't want be hurt again. I want to be happy. Even for a bit, i want to feel Joy.
Being like this, ignoring each other, just small glances and fighting. This all are okay, I'm happy with them. I'm okay with them.
No need for a perfect life where I will get the romance, care and love i wanted. I accepted my fate already, it is due now.
I know I'm not a deserved person to get all this, but wanting to feel them is a personal desire. It can't be controlled, right?
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🅃🄾 🄱🄴 🄲🄾🄽🅃🄸🄽🅄🄴
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I AM SORRY | NETJAMES
FanfictionA cruel world made an innocent boy's character low infront of his lover. His bad side was shown to everyone but he never confessed about the reason behind his dishevel. What happens when James left his boyfriend net in the past for some reason which...
