Starting Over (A Linstead Story)

Chapter 6

Arriving for work the next day, Jay had decided he was going to tell the team about Jess. In truth, only Kim and Adam didn't know by now, but making the announcement would relieve Erin, Kevin and Voight of the feeling that they had to keep a secret for him.

He waited until Voight had them all in the bullpen for the morning briefing before speaking up. "Sarge, can I quickly say something before you start?"

"Go ahead," Voight said, likely knowing what the 'something' was going to be.

Jay stood up, surveying the expectant faces around him. "A couple of days ago, I received a surprise visitor. It turns out I have a half sister. Her name's Jess. We met up properly last night and started getting to know each other. Just wanted you all to know. It's possible she'll come out for drinks one night and meet you all."

Kim looked pleased for him, whereas Adam's first instinct was to question the news. Neither reaction surprised Jay.

"A half sister? Like, legit?" Adam asked.

It was an obvious question. Jay had wrestled with it himself. When he and Jess had parted ways the previous night, they had made a plan to fix a date and time to attend a clinic for DNA tests. That would answer the question one way or another.

"I believe so, yes," he said. "We're going to get DNA tested to confirm. That's all. As I said, just wanted to give you guys the news." There were positive reactions all round, then Jay thanked Voight and turned the room back over to him for the briefing.

About ten minutes later, after the briefing, Jay went into the canteen to fix himself a coffee. He had barely gotten started when he felt a pair of arms go around his waist from behind and a kiss on the side of his neck.

"Kev?" he guessed, making Erin laugh. The arms were quickly removed from around him. Erin wasn't one to show affection at work, but she had apparently wanted to do so briefly.

"Not Kev, only me. I'm looking forward to tonight," she said, getting straight to the point.

With the coffee machine working, Jay turned to face her. "Me too," he assured her, meaning the company and the sex that was almost inevitable. Just being in close proximity to her was turning him on. Damn, she was so beautiful.

"So you're coming to my place?" she clarified.

"That's the plan," he said, giving her a peck on the cheek as the coffee machine beeped to let him know his drink was ready.

"Great. I'll cook something."

"Something else to look forward to." While that was true, there was a serious conversation he wanted to have with her too. He decided he would get that done first when he arrived, then they would be able to enjoy the rest of the night. At least, they would if it went well.

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As the work day had gone on, Jay had allowed part of his mind to occupy itself with what he wanted to talk to Erin about. The night out with Jess had been almost entirely positive. It was the one negative aspect he had taken from it that was troubling him and he needed to get it off his chest.

Erin brought a glass of water into the living room for herself and a bottle of beer for Jay since he had already accepted an offer to stay the night and therefore wouldn't need to drive home. For her own part, she was trying to cut down her alcohol consumption.

"I'll start dinner soon if that's okay for you?" she said, sitting beside him on the couch, nice and close. There was immediately and intimate feeling in the air.

"That's fine," he said with a smile, but he was focussed on the next part of the conversation. "There's something I want to talk to you about."

"Sounds ominous," she said a little warily.

"No, no. It's nothing for you to worry about. It's something that's been troubling me since I had that talk with Jess last night."

"Go on," she said, obviously having no clue where this was going.

"The thing that struck me, and it didn't really strike me until I was in bed last night thinking back over the conversation, was that Jess is younger than me but she has her entire life in order. She owns a house, she's saved up a crap ton of money, and she's going to use that money to setup a business that's going to practically print money for her. She's got a whole business plan written up, apparently. You remember what I told you last night when I called you after I got back?"

"Yeah. The going rate to clean up a fentanyl lab is about a hundred grand, and like you said the profit margins are crazy. She does one of those and she'll have already made back all of her start up fund. That's good for her, but why are you dwelling on it?"

Jay felt his frustration coming through. "Because what have I done, Erin? I've made a mess of my life through stupid decisions. I rent an apartment I don't even really like. My stupid head got in a bad place with Voight and Intelligence so I bailed to god damn Bolivia. Oh, and there's the small matter of marrying a woman I didn't truly love, who I now need to divorce. I've been a complete moron the past few years. But don't misunderstand me, this isn't me looking to hold a pity party. I'm talking to you about it because enough is enough. It's time to stop being an idiot and get what I want out of life."

"Okay. And what does that mean?" she asked, encouraging him, wanting to be supportive.

Jay took a deep breath. This was the tough part – the part where his little speech could go wrong. "It's the time in my life where I need to stop living like an idiot, like I said. I need to settle down, commit to Intelligence and maybe go for sergeant once Voight retires. Also, let's be honest, none of us are getting younger. I always wanted to have kids. This is a lot, Erin, I realise that. We've had one date and spent one night together and I'm sitting here talking about having kids. I'm just trying to tell you where my head is at that's all. You don't have to comment or make any decisions based on this. All I'm doing is saying what my goals are."

"That's what you see for us? Buying a house together and having a couple of kids?" The way she asked the question didn't tell him much about whether or not she liked that vision or not, so his only option was to be honest and see what reaction he got.

"In an ideal world, that's what I'd like. Our story is a mess, Erin. A proper mess. But I love you, and if I'm going to settle down and have a family with anyone, I want it to be you. So, this is where you tell me to get out, right?" he added, trying to find humour even in this most serious conversation.

She smiled, but her reply was sincere. "I'm not going to tell you to tell get out. Frankly, I spent last night here by myself while you were out with Jess and I was doing my own thinking. The problem I had on my mind was how to tell you I'm not interesting in something casual this time. I've done relationships that went nowhere, too many of them. I'm forty-two, Jay. Until a couple of nights back, I was forty-two, single and lonely. That's not how I want to spend my life. How I want to spend it is with you, and I did think maybe I'd like to have a kid. If that's going to happen though, it needs to be soon. Forty-two is already late to be trying for a baby."

Jay was left somewhere between dumbstruck and elated after that monologue. He could hardly have wished to hear anything better. "So, we're on the same page? I mean, did we just agree to try for a baby?"

"Yeah, I think we did," she said, a smile breaking out on her face. "We're not crazy are we? We've only just reconnected."

"Don't think we've ever been normal," he said with a smile of his own. "It's true we've only just reconnected, but we've been on this journey for a long time, making a lot of stupid decisions before we ended up here, where we were supposed to be all along."

"I like the way you put that. And I love you too, Jay. Deep down I have done for a long, long time. Please, let's get it right this time."

"We will. I promise," Jay said, and he meant it with ever fibre of his being.

Erin moved closer to him and started kissing him. "Let's start making babies," she breathed between the kisses.

"I was promised a square meal," he pretended to object.

Meanwhile, Erin was already unbuttoning his jeans. "There will be time for eating later. I need you. I need you right now."

"Then I'm all yours."

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A/N: Jay and Erin are back together and making quick decisions on their future. Possibly too quick? What do you think?