Starting Over (A Linstead Story)

Chapter 14

Responsibility was a word that had been featuring heavily in Jay's mind in recent days. Of late, he had been taking more of it, and enjoying doing so.

He had taken on responsibility as Erin's partner, devoting himself to her happiness and wellbeing. He had started doing the same as a big brother to Jess also, taking it upon himself to try and help her with her grief if at all possible. Responsibility as a father was something he wanted too. Now that he had committed to becoming a parent, he couldn't wait for it to become a reality.

But that wasn't all. He had been thinking about professional responsibility too. It was a fact of life that Voight wouldn't be around forever at Intelligence. He was coming up to retirement age, and the point would eventually come where if he didn't make the decision to hang up his badge, it would be made for him by the higher-ups at CPD. When that happened, the unit would need a successor. It seemed likely that Voight would have a big say in who that was. Jay wanted it to be him. He was confident he would be the right leader to take the unit forward, and the increase in pay would help him provide for his family. Hopefully he would be a family man by then.

Bringing the subject up with Voight wasn't something he particularly relished, but it needed doing so that his interest was declared.

Sitting at his desk at the start of a shift, Jay decided now was the time to approach Voight and raise the issue. He had already talked it over with Erin, who was on-board with the idea. She gave him a smile of encouragement when he stood up, knowing what he was going to do thanks to the strong mental connection that existed between them. He smiled back to thank her for the support and went into Voight's office.

"What's up?" Voight asked, looking up from his work when Jay came in and closed the door. That only happened for serious, confidential conversations.

"Something I wanted to talk to you about, Sarge," Jay said as he sat down.

Voight said nothing, waiting.

"There's no way to finesse this, so I'm just going to say it. I know it's not going to be soon, but when the time comes for you to pass this office on to someone else, I'd like to be considered."

There was no visible reaction from Voight. Jay was quite pleased with that, thinking it meant no offense had been taken.

"You will be considered. What's made you come in here and say that now?"

Jay decided to clarify what he meant. Diplo-speak wasn't the way to talk to Voight. "When I say I'd like to be considered, I mean I want the job. I want to be the one to continue the success you've made of the unit."

"Why are we having this conversation now?"

It was a fair question. The man deserved an honest answer, Jay figured. "Because I'm re-evaluating my life. It's time I grew up and stopped making dumb choices. I'm back here giving everything to this job, and to Erin. The best way I can do both of those things is to be sitting on your side of this desk one day."

Voight studied him for a moment. "This feels more like an 'I want to provide for my family' speech to me. Is Erin pregnant?"

Damn, he read me like a book, Jay thought. It was a sharp reminder that there was no better detective than Hank Voight. He told himself to stick with being honest.

"No. But we are trying. Please don't let on that you know though. Erin's not ready for us to be telling people."

"It's between us," Hank assured him. "I appreciate your honesty. Just so we're clear, this is a serious step you're taking with Erin. That means you'd better be serious about it."

"We're not going to have a problem," Jay assured him before he could get overly defensive of his foster daughter. "It might be easier for me to say than for you to believe, but that crazy time period I had where I was marrying and divorcing Hailey and vanishing overseas is behind me. Call it a midlife crisis if you want, I don't know. Point is, I'm settling with Erin now. We intend to raise a family, and I intend to do everything I damn well can to support that family. Policing is what I do. Intelligence is what I do. That's why we're having this conversation. Promotion to sergeant and running this unit is the best way I'll be able to provide for my family."

Hank nodded acknowledgement of the speech. Jay was happy with it too. "It's good to know you've got your head in the right place now. It seems soon to be trying for a baby to me, but the two of you have clearly made that decision. With that being the case, you're right to make supporting your family your top priority. Make sure it stays that way. Having said that, I've got not plans to go anywhere, and no decision about a replacement will be made until that changes. You'll be considered. That's all I can guarantee you."

Jay took that in, now wondering what he had really expected the man to say. 'Sure, have my job. Can you start next week?' Hardly. This was Hank Voight. CPD were likely going to have drag him out of Intelligence if they wanted him to go. At least he had gotten to put his commitment to Erin and his future family into words with Voight. That felt important because he considered the man a father figure in some ways.

"Thanks for letting me say my piece," he said, getting up.

Voight nodded again, then decided to say something before Jay opened the door. "You're going to make a good dad."

"I'm going to do my best," he promised.

-----

Not long later, Jay and Erin were heading out on their first assignment of the day. She was doing the driving. As she concentrated on navigating the busy traffic, Jay studied her, trying not to be obvious about it.

Her smile had always stunned him. That wasn't on show right now, but her beautiful eyes were. He had been more aware of just how incredible they were ever since they had totally transfixed him when she had been wearing the respirator mask for her fancy dress costume. That vision was stored in his brain.

She had a short sleeve top on today as it was hot in Chicago. As she turned the wheel, he saw her muscles flex. Not for the first time, he admired how she was more toned now than she had been before moving to New York. She had been a regular gym user there, she had told him. That was something she wanted to get back to now, and he reminded himself to encourage that.

Then he looked at her hands on the wheel. He had always had a bit of a thing for women's hands. Erin's were soft and elegant but not bony. Bony hands were a turn off. Hers were sexy.

Erin glanced at him, catching him looking. "What?" she asked with a slightly shy laugh.

"Just thinking how unbelievably hot you are," he said casually. Then he thought he might as well be up front about it. "You have sexy hands too."

"Sexy hands?" she asked, studying them for a moment.

"Yeah."

"Well, I'll put them to more use in the bedroom then."

"Do that," he said, feeling his body starting to warm up. Sadly, there wouldn't be any sex any time soon.

"So, how did it go with Voight?"

Again, Jay had to be honest. "He figured out why we were having the conversation. Asked me if you were pregnant, so I had to tell him no but we are trying."

Erin looked a bit uncomfortable with that. "Probably best that you told him the truth," she admitted. "What did he have to say about that?"

"Thought it was too soon for us to have made the decision, so he wasn't particularly happy. He did say he knows I'll make a good dad though. As for why I went in there, I can't say I achieved much. He pretty much just said he's not going anywhere. It was good to talk to him about becoming a dad though. I'm relishing the responsibility."

Erin gave him a look that showed both her love for him and her appreciation of his last statement. "Now we need to get pregnant."

"It won't be long. I've got a feeling."

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A/N: Jay didn't have any joy in trying to get himself any kind of guarantee about replacing Voight when the time comes, but he did express his commitment to his family. With this mentality, so you think he will make a good father?