Starting Over (A Linstead Story)

Chapter 15

A sense of guilt had been in the back of Jay's mind ever since he and Erin had visited Jess's house for the first time. That night, his sister had very obviously been in a lot of emotional pain, grieving over the loss of her mother. He had given her a brief hug, which she had backed away from, and he had left it at that. He felt he should have done more to be there for her.

He wanted Jess to feel she could rely on him when she was struggling in any way, not just emotionally. That was the role of a big brother – a role he was determined to take seriously. It shouldn't only go one way though. He wanted to get to a point where he had the kind of sibling relationship he had never enjoyed with Will. Being able to totally trust and rely on Jess would be so important to him, if they could get to that point.

Earlier in the day, it had been Erin's suggestion for him to call Jess and find out what she was up to that evening. "Why don't you go spend some time with your sister," she had pretty much instructed him.

Suitably stirred into action and mindful of the ongoing guilty feeling in the back of his mind, he had pushed aside his tiredness from an early start and busy word day and had called Jess to ask what she was doing.

"Work stuff, but come over if you like. It would be nice to see you," had been Jess's response.

Before leaving home, Jay had been faced with the decision of whether to drive or not. He had come down on the side of ordering an Uber and stopping along the way to buy a few beers and a bottle of gin, which he already knew was Jess's favourite drink.

Now that he had been to the house before, there was no awkwardness on his mind when he pressed the button on her Ring doorbell. He was simply looking forward to seeing his sister and hoping she was doing okay.

"Jay! I'll be right down," Jess said through the doorbell's speaker. She sounded excited to see him.

It took her less than a minute to open the door. She looked in good spirits, although maybe a bit tired. Nonetheless, she greeted him with a warm smile. "Hey. It's good to see you."

"Hi. I've been looking forward to seeing you," he said as they embraced. Now over the initial awkwardness that had existed between them, this hug was tight and had feeling behind it.

"Mmm that's nice," Jess said.

Jay agreed. He had regular loving contact with Erin of course, but it was still nice to feel the positive energy that a good hug provided. "Yes very nice," he said quietly, and they parted. "I brought drinks."

"Ah, thank you! Come in. Have you eaten? I'll order us something in if you haven't. Really don't feel like cooking tonight."

After taking off his shoes, Jay followed her into the house and through to the kitchen, where she took the bag with the drinks in it and loaded all but one of the beers into her fridge.

"That's nice of you. I can go for some food. What kind of thing would you like to order?"

She opened the remaining beer bottle for him. "I don't mind. Chinese? Thai? Indian? Pizza? Do you want a glass for this?"

"No thanks. An not pizza. Hasn't been long since I had one. Other than that I'm fine with whatever you want to get."

They settled on Thai food and a few minutes later Jess had placed the order.

"It says it'll be delivered in an hour," she reported.

"Sounds good. So, how are you really doing?" he asked, looking her in the eyes to make sure she knew it was a serious question, not merely a prompt for her to say she was fine and move on.

Jess held his gaze and took a deep breath that sounded shaky when she let it back out. "Burying my head in work to be honest. Don't take this the wrong way, the two things probably aren't even related, but since I met you the grief about my mom has properly started to hit me. Every day I hope it's going to hurt less. It never does."