The confessions of a Stark | Aemond Targaryen | hotd

5

I haven't really spoken to Aemond today. His words from last night keep ringing in my ears. If he didn't really view us as friends anymore because of what he did to me and I have to decide what it makes us, if not very close friends, then what do I decide? What if I want us to stay friends and nothing else? Would he hate me if I decided that? Is he asking for my hand in marriage? Does he just want to take my vertue? Does he only love me because of my vertue?

After breakfast I had sought out Helaena to ask what the high valyrian phrase Aemond had said to me meant. She looked at me funny but told me what it meant. 'I love you' it meant. She asked me where I heard it and I lied saying I heard Aegon saying it to Jaehaerys and Jaehaera before bed making her smile. She probably knew it was a lie because Aegon barely knew a word of high valyrian but I guess she chose not to press me about it.

After I spoke with Helaena I went to the library. I walked in and saw Aemond there. I wanted to turn around before he spotted me but I wasn't fast enough or silent enough and he called me over. "Y/n? Come sit with me." I didn't want to. I needed to make a decision about us and I wanted to stay objective and not have him meddling and make it more difficult. "I- I just was- I just was about to leave again. I forg-" I managed to stutter before he cut me off. "Nonsense! You sit right here." He said with dark tone in his voice and a deadly glare towards me pointing to the chair next to him.

I swallowed but obeyed and slowly walked towards him. He had never really acted like this before. He was always sweet and never demanding but something felt different now. I sat down next to him not knowing what to say or do when he spoke again. "Have you decided yet?" He had asked and I was a bit surprised that he wanted to talk about it so out in the open. "No, Aemond. I can't just sleep a night and think a day to make a decision like this. I don't want to ruin the bond we have." I answered a bit shocked at how fast he wanted me to make a choice. "I told you not to take too long." He said with his jaw clenching in frustration. "What exactly are you asking of me? Aemond, I can't make a decision if I don't know on what grounds to base it of." I asked truly wanting to know what he wanted. He stood up with a growl of frustration and said "Can't you make a decision based on what you feel? I know what I feel and I have made up my mind but I can't persue anything if you don't." I was a little taken aback by this. "I really can't, Aemond. I don't want to make the wrong choice. And I can't make the right choice if you don't tell me what exactly you're asking me."

He grabbed his book throwing it across the room with a frustrated yell and a string of words in high valyrian I could only presume were profanities. I'll have to he honest that in this moment I felt a little scared of him. I'd never seen him like this before, especially not towards me and I didn't know what to do. I didn't dare speak or move as he continued ranting in high valyrian. The only thing I could do was sit in the chair and watch my friend nearly explode with anger.

He ended his rant with a low groaning, prolonged 'fuuuck' and he turned back around to face me and he stared intently but didn't speak a word. I'm pretty sure I swallow audibly before I asked "Do you even know what exactly you're asking me?" I knew it was a loaded question and it could go very wrong or he knew what he was doing and I could have some clarity. In this case it was the former. He stepped forward me in a single long stride and grabbed my jaw harshly as I felt his heavy breathing on my face. His eye fixed on mine and I could see a sea of emotion. I held my breath in anticipation, but nothing came. No yelling, no swearing. He didn't even really hurt me. Sure the grip on my jaw was uncomfortable but not painful.

He breathed a barely audible 'shit' as he let go of my jaw and walked away. I sat there stunned for a while thinking about what in the seven hells just happened.

I spend the rest of the day in my room until supper. I dreaded seeing Aemond again. Not a lot but the thought still made me uncomfortable. The meal went by in silence. Not even Aegon spoke as he sensed there was a tension in the room and it seemed he didn't want to say anything in fear of making the room explode. Everyone knew when Aemond had a particularly bad mood. His face harsh, his eye screaming danger and tonight he wasn't wearing the patch which to me could only mean he wanted people to avoid him.

Aemond's eye never left me as he stared an icy stare at me and everyone around the table knew his foul mood was because of me but nobody dared to say anything. Not even Alicent who I could tell was dying to know what was going on between us so maybe she could help her son and his childhood companion resolve this issue but she held her tongue.

After the dinner I went back to my quarters and began writing.

It is days like today I wish I had the blood of the dragon and could be a dragon rider. High in the sky leaving all problems on the ground. Alas, I am not.

Targaryens and their complexities. It's not difficult to speak what you mean you'd presume but I guess for some it is, leaving other guessing.

Signed
Lady Y/n of House Stark
Should I even still be signing like this? I haven't even spoken to my family in a long time