Trauma-ridden and adopted by matpat

Forgiveness, can you imagine?

A nurse walked in. "Alright kids, your fifteen minutes of visitation time is up. I think we better give Marco some alone time so he can recover." She warmly told us. We all went out of the door and back to the waiting room. To my shock, and quite frankly disgust, someone else was taking up the spot where our stuff was. That someone was someone who I never wanted to see again. The stalker.

He was holding flowers in his sweaty hands, seemingly waiting for me to come by. Then he spotted our group. "Y/N! Thank goodness you are alright. By the way, I don't think I ever officially introduced myself before. My name is Felix, Felix Shannings. And I promise that I have nothing to do with my sister and her actions." He pathetically said. "Well, Felix. Your sister might have killed my partner. Your sister tried to kill ME. I don't want your flowers, I definitely don't want your apology that you pretend will magically make everything the way it was, and I sure as f*ck don't want to hear from you again." I coldly responded. "Please. All I want is forgiveness." "You are sick in the head if you think I'm going to forgive you. Forgiving you would be like forgiving that waste of oxygen that was your sister, and you would catch me carpooling down the highway to hell before I ever did that. Just leave me alone, I wasn't kidding when I said that I didn't want to see or hear from you again." I sat down and opened my phone to show him that I would just ignore him until he went away. He grumbled and left, leaving the flowers under the seat.

Once he left, I put my earbuds in and curled my knees up to my chest. I wrapped my arms around my head and sat in the dead silence. The dead darkness. "Are you SURE that you're fine?" Hailey asked. "Yup, one of the closest people to me might be dying in the other room and there is a weird stalker that won't leave me alone. Totally rosy." I sarcastically spat out. "Well you don't have to be a b*tch about it." "I'm sorry, I'm just so f*cking done with all of this." I checked the time again. Four more hours. I got up to go to the bathroom. I leaned over the toilet and shoved my finger down my throat. I vomited on the third gag and leaned against the dirty tile wall. At last, I was empty. I was terrified that I had waited too long, the calories were already seeping into me and it made me feel even more fat and ugly. I planted my feet flat on the ground and started to do crunches. I needed to get rid of it any way I could. Once my stomach muscles were begging me to stop in fear that they would rip, I started to do push-ups. I exercised until my arms began to give out. My entire body pained and ached. I wanted to continue, even if it made me feel worse. Specifically because it made me feel worse. A gross disappointment such as myself didn't deserve to feel good. I would only stop torturing myself once I was perfect. I would only stop once my body was a thin layer of skin draped over my fragile bones. I left the bathroom and returned to my friends like nothing had happened. However, I was almost at my seat and then I collapsed on the floor, unconscious.

The next thing I remember, I was laying face up on the carpeted hospital floor with my feet raised on a pillow. My friends were all surrounding me in a circle. "What's going on?" I asked. "You passed out." Zach told me. "How much time has gone by?" "I don't know, not that long. Maybe ten minutes? We were just about to call your parents." "What!? No! Don't!" I frantically raised my voice. "Why not?" "Just don't. They don't need to know." I could've explained, I considered explaining, but none of them actually needed to know why. I sat back down in my seat and plugged my earbuds back into my ears. I played the Hamilton soundtrack in hoping that the operation would be over by the time the soundtrack ended. All there was to do was wait.

-five hours later-

The operation was due to end well over an hour ago. What was happening? I had listened to the entirety of Hamilton and rewatched most of my favorite theory videos. Nothing was able to distract me. My friends had all left by this point, it was starting to get dark outside. There were only a few other people in the waiting room along with Mark, Mat, and Steph. For the most part, they left me alone. A nurse came out of the hallway. "Good news! With some incredible luck, the operation was a success! They just woke up!" I didn't wait for her to finish, I didn't even wait for everyone else. I ran down the hallway and made a sharp turn into Birdseed's room. When I entered, their face lit up. I gave them the tightest hug in the world. They hugged me back even tighter. "YOU'RE ALIVE! YOU ARE ACTUALLY ALIVE!" I screamed. Everyone else came in. I let go of them to make room for Mark who ran up to hug them. After fifteen minutes, visiting was over. They would be in the hospital for an indefinite amount of days. Until they were back at around ninety percent which could be anywhere from two days to two months. We started to leave and I plugged my earbuds back in. I didn't put on any music though, I wanted to hear the world but I didn't want the world to know that I was listening. I looked around at all of the cars that continued to speed by, the wind that continued to blow, the birds that continued to elegantly flap through the trees and dark sky. My world had seemed to stop that day, but the rest of the world went on. The world stops for nothing. Not a school shooting, not anything. If the world could simply move on from all of this, maybe I could too.

AN: yes the title is a Hamilton reference, I'm a huge nerd, don't judge me.