Trauma-ridden and adopted by matpat

He knows

-two days later, still in the hospital-

Mark came into my room with a giant envelope. He had been visiting occasionally but not as much as Mat and Steph. "Hey, y/n! How are you feeling?" He enthusiastically asked. "Pretty good. It doesn't hurt as much anymore." "Thats great!" He gave me the envelope. I rolled up the baggy sleeves of my blue hospital gown and ripped it open to reveal a huge "get better" card. I opened it up and to my surprise, it was signed by at least a few hundred theorist fans. "Oh my god! This is so cool! Thank you so much!" I said. Then, he noticed the cuts on my bony arm.

I heard him swallow and then he asked me "hey, what happened to your arm?" I froze up and looked at it. There were cuts going up and down the entire length of my arm. I had done this last night when I was alone and supposed to be sleeping. "I...uh..." "Please be honest with me, how long ago did you relapse?" I was terrified of anyone finding out so I had been really discreet about it for a while but the previous night, I had a terrible anxiety attack and wasn't thinking. I didn't answer for a second. "Y/N, don't you dare lie to me." I sighed. "A few weeks ago." "And you didn't tell anyone?" "No..." "well, you are going to tell your dad." "No, please. Can we please just keep this between us?" I begged. "Y/N, I cannot in good conscience let you keep this to yourself." "Mark, come on." "You need help, Mat loves you so much. You need to let him know." I sighed."Listen, your dad is going to visit later and you are going to tell him. If you don't, then I will." I felt so betrayed that I couldn't even bring myself to look at him. "Fine." "I care about you, kid. I just want to help you. Mat wants to help you too. But he can't unless he knows what's going on." "I know..."

-time skip to later that day-

Mat came over to check up on me. I tensed up a little bit when I saw him walking in, knowing that I would inevitably have to break it to him. "Hey, y/n. How are you feeling today?" "A lot better." "That's great! I have a surprise by the way..." he pulled out his phone and showed me a screen with the Hamilton background and text that read "tickets successfully purchased." My eyes widened in shock. "Actually!?" He proudly nodded. "Yep, we are going next month." "OH MY GOD, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!" I hugged him. "Of course." My heart sunk a little, I couldn't let him down after he got Hamilton tickets. There was no way I could tell him now. "I've got to go film a gtlive. Love you kiddo, see you tomorrow." "Bye, love you." Once he left I just wanted to punch myself. I didn't tell him! Why couldn't I just muster up the damn courage and tell him? I promised Mark and now I would have to tell him that I wasn't true to my word. But how could I make Mat worry more about me? After everything he had done for me? I hated to admit it, but I was still a little miffed at Mark for making me drag Mat into this. It was my issue, I shouldn't have to make it his.

-time skip to the next day-

I barely slept at all the previous night, the stress of having to tell Mark that I chickened out made it impossible to fall asleep. To add insult to injury, the stress made me cut myself a few times too. Mark came to visit that morning. "Well, did you tell him?" "I couldn't, I'm sorry." His face shifted to annoyance. "What do you mean you couldn't?" "He got Hamilton tickets! I couldn't just let him down after that!" "I cannot believe you right now, you promised that you would tell him." "I'm sorry! I'll tell him next time he comes over, I swear!" "No, I'm calling him to come over right now and I am going to stay right here to make sure you tell him." Before I could even protest, Mark was on the phone with him. Fifteen minutes later, he showed up.

"What's going on? What happened?" He asked, slightly concerned. "Well?" Mark signaled to me. "It's nothing!" "It's not nothing!" Mark raised his voice and pulled up my sleeves to show Mat. Mat's face grew to worry and he came over to me. He lightly ran his thumb over my scars. New and old scars alike stared at him. "Mark, can you give us some privacy?" He asked. Mark nodded, understanding. Once the door was closed, Mat began to speak. "Y/N..." I looked down, ashamed. "You know you can always talk to me. Why didn't you tell me?" He asked, hurt. Hot tears began to bead under my eyelashes. "I didn't want to disappoint you." "Why would this disappoint me? You should have come to me." "It's just...everyone wants me to be happy and normal and I'm just not! I'm letting everyone down." "No you aren't, y/n. It's okay not to be okay." "Are you mad at me?" "How could you think I would be mad at you for this? Sure I'm a little upset that you have been keeping this from me, but that isn't your fault. You are just hurting and I'm sorry I didn't notice earlier. I promise that Mark isn't mad at you either, we just are worried about you." Tears began to roll down my face as he spoke. He wrapped his arms around me and let me cry into his shoulder. "Shhhh...it's okay. We are going to get through this. You are going to get through this. You are the strongest person I know, I know you can do it, but YOU have to know you can too."