Trauma-ridden and adopted by matpat

Hospital

As soon as my head hit the sidewalk, everything went dark. Not silent, just dark. I could hear everything going on around me, I could feel it, but I couldn't see any of it. I heard the vehicles screeching by, I felt myself being put on a stretcher and whisked away in the ambulance, the police escorting Audrey away. As soon as I got to the hospital, I could hear the conversation going on around me in great detail. "We have to perform emergency surgery to get the bullets out." "Roger that, I'll prepare the anesthetic." I heard motions and the clanking of medical instruments being set up. I felt a mask go over my nose and mouth. The noises dimmed....

The next thing I remember was waking up in the soft hospital bed. I picked up my head and saw that Mat and Steph were talking to each other in hushed voices. I squinted my eyes at the uncomfortably-bright, buzzing lights. They saw me wake up and came right to my side. "Y/N, can you hear me?" Mat knelt down and asked. "Yeah...did that actually happen or was I like hallucinating or something?" I was still a little delirious from the anesthesia, so everything felt surreal. Like it was made up. "If by 'that' you mean getting shot by your ex-stepmom, yeah." Steph said. I was about to respond but I just laid my body back on the hospital bed, exhausted. "I...I can't do this anymore." I groaned. Mat put his hand on mine. "It's over. I promise that you are safe now." "It's never going to be over!" I snapped. Mat moved his head back, startled by my outburst. I continued. "It's just been one thing after another for...for my whole life! All I have ever heard was that the worst of it was over. It would only get better. Bull! What's next? Someone bombs our house!? Someone holds all my friends hostage!?" I take a moment to look at Mat and Steph. They are both staring at me like I grew a third eye. I look down in defeat and take it down a few notches. "I-I'm sorry."

After a moment of dead silence, Mat speaks up. "Listen, y/n. We hear what you are trying to say. It really is tough but you are going to come out of all of this stronger, I promise." "I'm not supposed to be getting stronger! I never was! I was supposed to be a kid! I was supposed to-" I think about all of those childhood experiences that I will never get to have. I felt infuriated tears start to prick at the corners of my eyes. I stubbornly refused to let them roll down my face. There was so much going on in my head, none of it was pleasant. I was so close to saying some of them. I had to fight to keep them from spilling out of my mouth. What was prominently showing in my head was how much I would rather be dead than have to deal with this. Mat thought carefully about what to say next. "Hey, what's going on in that head of yours, kiddo?" He really wanted me to tell him but I couldn't. I couldn't make him worry even more about me. I already felt so guilty for all of the stress that I had selfishly caused him. "It's like...I don't know...everything and nothing at the same time." "It can be hard to pinpoint what you are thinking of. Take your time, it's okay." Steph empathetically added. "There are just so many thoughts swirling around in my head...but I can't focus on any of them. It's like I'm in this sort of paralysis." "I know that feeling....like your mind is racing so fast that you can't keep up with it and you just freeze up...right?" She said. "Yeah." "It's okay kiddo...it's alright to feel overwhelmed. Is there anything else you want to tell us?" Mat asked. I looked at Mat in his caring brown eyes. I just couldn't bring myself to make them worry even more over something as dumb and insignificant as me. I suppressed the urge to spew out all of my problems and shoved it all into the depths of my mind. "I love you."

-time skip to that night-

I stared at the darkness of the hospital room. I didn't know how much longer I would be able to hide everything. For months I had just been crumpling all of my thoughts up into a ball of icy gloom. That ball was expanding by the day. It was only a matter of time before it all melted and flowed out, contaminating the tranquil waters of everyone around me. I had already been polluting the waters of Mat and Steph for a while. The last thing I wanted to do to them was make it unswimmable. I didn't even mind the ice anymore, maybe after all this time, the cold had made me go numb.

Heavy chapter, huh? If you want something a little more upbeat, a little funnier to read after this I would go check out my other works! They are a little mature and even smutty but they are full of laughs and goofiness. See you there! Thank you for your patience everyone! <3