Lazarus Peirsaly

8. I Do Not Try

I don't want to rest in this pool of blood left behind, so I'll just go and find a better place. I take off the helmet, but then my neck starts to burn. Damnit, now of all times... The last thing I feel is my body going limp as I lose consciousness.

I awaken to the familiar sight of Lurinyo. She looks happier than usual.

"Of course I'm in a good mood. That was quite entertaining for me. Good job, you won't be killed by me just yet." She puts a finger on my cheek and strokes it. Is this supposed to feel good? Your nails are too long so it's just scratching me.

"You don't appreciate my kindness? That's to be expected from you. Always taking things for granted." She flicks my head and moves her hand away."

"That hurt, you know."

"It was supposed to. Should I get rougher? Maybe pierce your flesh?"

"No thank you. Maybe another time."

"Ha ha. Funny."

"Why did you bring me back here? I'm pretty sure my unconscious body is getting soaked in blood now. I could get sick."

"I don't care. I simply wanted to reward you for an interesting spectacle. Those pathetic humans trying to take down the beast only to be pulverized... Delightful! And the way you almost died... I would've liked you to react more, but that's just the way you are."

"Was it really that interesting? I didn't really do much, just dodged around and used an attack on an already weakened enemy."

"That may be, but it's what happened after that really intrigued me. Like in the past, you laughed instead of doing anything else. Perhaps I should've killed that girl you live with to see how you would react to that... Oh, but you wouldn't remember your past now after that attack, now would you?" She flashes a cold smirk.

"I don't need those memories. I can just make more."

"And that's why I'm here to reward you. I'll grant you some more memories. Of course I can replenish the ones you've already lost, but that's no fun. Hmm... Here's the rest of them."

"Really? Giving me all of them back already?"

"Your life was quite uneventful. There's not really much for me to pick from."

"Oh. Well then I'm ready."

"Now understand why you're a failure." 

This time, the orb above her finger is black. She pushes it into my forehead again. Rather than feeling tingly, it hurts. It's like a splitting headache is overtaking my head. I want to hold it tight, but my body won't move. All of it enters my mind at once like a dam breaking, a new flood of memories coming back to me. I start to spasm a little until everything is in order.

"Now, let's review, shall we? This schooling thing you humans have... College, was it? How was that?"

"I... went for a year. It was a prestigious university. I realized it wasn't for me and I dropped out."

"Hehe, funny, isn't it? Such high potential, working that hard, doing so well, yet squandering it for no reason. Such an important thing, too. You humans need that to work good jobs and acquire currency, yet you tossed that away."

"What's done is done."

"Indeed, you cannot get that back. So now what did you do after ruining your life?"

"Nothing. I applied to some jobs but never heard back. So I just sat and stagnated."

"No, no you didn't. Remember what I told you? Stagnation is funny, it doesn't exist. You only go forward or backwards. If you stop, you slowly regress. And you stopped for quite a while. All those things you learned have completely escaped your mind, haven't they? Like a piece of meat, you rot." That hurts to hear, but it's true. I didn't improve at all, I just continued doing nothing.