Lazarus Peirsaly

11. I Want to Want

We pull away after a minute. It was a gentle kiss full of pure adoration rather than lust, so no saliva connects our mouths or no tongues slipped inside. The sensation of her soft lips against mine was pleasant, I wouldn't mind doing more of that. A blush crept its way upon her cheeks, staining her pure white face with a red hue. If only I could feel the same.

We continue holding each other's hands, not speaking a word. For her, she's probably overjoyed and embarrassed. For me, I just don't know what to do in this situation. This would be my first relationship ever... Should I kiss her again? Invite her back to my place? Propose? Say goodnight and leave? I don't the next step to take, so I guess I'll just ask her, even if it kills the mood.

"What do we do now? I'm not too educated on what couples do."

"...I am the same. I haven't the faintest idea what activities new lovers would engage in."

"Then let's think to the future. How is this going to work, with your situation and all?"

"I suppose I shall have to sneak out more often so we may enjoy our time together... And it would be wise to keep such a pairing a secret. Such a thing getting out would spell trouble for both of us."

"Yeah, I expected as much. Don't force yourself though, you'd end up getting punished if you get caught."

"But if it is to spend time with you, I will gladly endure such hardship." Her grip tightens a little. How endearing.

"What good is that if you get tortured to death? Want me to visit you in heaven or whenever you end up?"

"That... is a good point. I am sorry, my heart is full of too much joy that it impedes my ability to think." She hangs her head in shame.

"Don't worry about it, that's a normal reaction. Probably. We should just carry on as usual and things will come naturally."

"I trust your judgement. I shall read more romance tales to further my understanding on it as well."

"I don't think those would be a good representation of how to act, but if you enjoy it I won't stop you. For now, it's getting late so we should head home. I'll walk you back."

"As you wish."

We walk back towards the hidden wall leading back to the kingdom, our hands still clasped together. She's gotten more affectionate, leaning on me as we walk. The extra weight makes it kind of hard, but I can bear with it. After reaching the wall, we finally stop holding hands, with Hiev looking slightly disappointed at that.

"Goodnight, Hiev. See you later."

"Rest well, Ansietria. I wonder if I shall even be able to sleep with the energy my heart is full of after today..."

"Try your best. Wouldn't be good to stay up all night." It feels like I should do something if we're parting ways. I give her a goodbye kiss on the cheek. She freezes and is shocked.

"That isn't fair... If you do such things, it will make me wish to never leave your side..." Oops, perhaps that was too forward. I'll have to find out her limit another time.

"Sorry, I thought couples do stuff like that. I gotta go before it gets darker though."

We go our separate ways, Hiev carrying the onesie and me holding the harp. The cool breeze from the night air brushes against my skin, highlighting the warmth still left on my mouth further. So this is what a relationship is like... I cannot decide if I like it or not yet. As we spend more time together, maybe then I can have my answer. But for now, I should focus on the present.

The walk back is nice. The scenery of the dark sky above, the distant sounds of crickets and birds, the lack of people to avoid any unnecessary noise... I can walk in peace knowing the Xias Knights are working hard to keep the place safe. Unless my trust is misplaced and I get kidnapped or murdered. I'd make sure to haunt Synlie from the grave as t punishment for doing a bad job. I eventually reach "home" and enter. As I walk through, Synlie is cooking something.