Axel's Daisy

43 • Axel

  It was like a stain to the reputation, it followed me no matter what I did, no matter who I cared for and no matter what I hid. It was still there, it was the restrain of my past.

The bar pulsated with a raw, electric energy, like a storm gathering momentum in the depths of a summer night. The air was thick with the scent of spilled beer and whiskey, mingling with the heady perfume of excitement and anticipation. Neon lights flickered overhead, casting fleeting shadows that danced across the faces of patrons locked in a chaotic ballet of revelry.

  I left my phone back there because I wanted to disconnect and I was afraid I would do something and call her. The raging party and the multiple shots made me see stars as I rubbed my nose and drank another heavy one. Brady was still out there with Jade and it was on our bro code to not mess up on each other.

  "There you are, I was looking everywhere for you," She talked louder, I shushed her as my body swayed until I stabalized myself against the bar. "Holy shit, you're trashed." She gasped out as she tried to move me, but I stopped her.

  "Are you feeling fucking good right now?" I drunkenly slurred, "you got your wish, Violet."

  She teared up. "I didn't want it to be that way."

  I bashed the glass in my hand on the floor as she jumped and backed away slightly with her slutty brown dress.

  "No matter what you do, you will not have a baby from me. You hear that?" I tapped my ear as I tilted my head through the neon blue strobes.

"She needed to know, I did this for you."

  "If I wanted her to know that it was the biggest fucking mistake, then I would tell her myself." I was enraged, a few guys listened, they faced us with arched eyebrows.

  "Good to know." She spat out with tears that flowed down her cheeks and ruined lipstick.

  I ordered another drink and my chest heaved at the reality of my demended life until salty liquid came out of my eyes. I had to get out of here.

  So, I ran through the cold wind towards the nearest beach. I took off my shirt and pants, leaving my shoes on the sand before I dipped into the darkest waters. The waves crashed into my body as I let out an exhilarated laugh at the cool water.

  "Are you crazy? Should I call the police?" The girl's voice was distant but I managed to catch the words.

  I got out of the water with rolled droplets down my abs into my boxers.

  "No need for that." I talked slowly, exhaustion filled my body whole.

  "Let me guess, harsh break up or loss of a friend?" She playfully asked with a twinkle in her deep green eyes.

  "Break up." I answered as I ruffled my hair from the excess of water, she averted her gaze timidly.

  "Wanna talk about it?" She offered and I shook my head.

  She removed grains of sand on her shorts which showed a lot of cleavage from the sleeveless red crop tops, the shots were doing something to me as heat whizzed through my body.

  •••

I ended up on the doorstep of Brady's door, the girl drove me back and gave me her number, which I threw in the trash. I wasn't the one to do rebounds and I didn't want to lead on anything.

  The way I had been led. I had a big goal in my head, a big dream, I wanted the scholarship and a good college. I didn't know how she came into the picture with her fucking flowers and angelic smile.

  I fumbled for the key in my pants and unfastened the door, Brady wasn't going to be home. I laid down on the couch, I didn't have energy to make it through my room.

  "You dumb dickhead!" Brady's voice sounded funny when I was under influence. It sounded like an elf voice and I laughed hysterically when he sat on the couch's arm. "Why didn't you tell her about the fact that Violet purposely set you up?"

  "She was going to leave me, anyway. Might as well let her leave with the hate." I mumbled, a headache formed and I had to shut my eyes.

  Brady groaned and left me to sleep in peace, but her words stuck in my head made me open my eyes again. I vowed that I would not remember. That I would give my all to the championship, that I would get nobody in the way to the dream.

  Fuck it, I was going to be Asexual.

  I yawned as I shifted to the other side of the couch, my head against the plush material and had to bend my knees before Brady came downstairs, I could hear his boots clicking on the ceramic.

  "One of us have to do this, it's for you bro."

  It was the last thing I heard before the door shut.

In the quiet of the empty house, a profound stillness hung in the air, broken only by the occasional creak of settling wood or the soft whisper of a breeze through the curtains.

  It was me versus my disturbed thoughts, my mind had a knack for tiring me out when it presented the moment she pushed me off to the moment she wanted to get out of the room. I was seconds away for making love to her, showing her that she was my only world.

  My world was a never ending black to a canvas full of white. I wiped the tears with my fingers for the last time and reminded myself I deserved it. I deserved every painful hit in the world.

  I screamed out and flinched from the pain in my stomach before I was invited to the darkness of my world.