Turning Tables

11

Javier

"What brings you here?" My very pregnant cousin frowned as she let me take a seat on their living area.

"What's a redflag, Marj?" I asked, my guard down. There are only two people in my family that I am at ease with when it comes to conversations like this, siya at si Lola Maggie.

She laughed.

"Lo siento, primo... what?"

"What's a redflag?"

"God, you're...old, kuya. It's a slang for a...no-no. Something to avoid."

I slowly nodded at her. Why am I even asking about these things? It should have been easy honoring Aya's wishes. I intended to stop the game that we were playing.

It was also not like she is the first one to have feelings for me...I just...loathed the fact that she did not want to feel that way.

And that she smelled different...she was not wearing anything that was from me. Nagpagupit pa siya...I hated that she was removing everything that I wanted about her and replacing it with more things that makes me perpetually need and ache for her.

Mas gumanda siya sa bago niyang buhok, she looked good with my clothes but she looked ethereal in her work clothes, I have countless fantasies about her in my office.

"May nagsabi ba sa'yong red flag ka?"

I turned to Marj and nodded at her, dejected.

"Mierda, finally huh? I'd love to meet her."

"I don't think she'll want to. She wanted to keep it professional."

"Ahh, so katrabaho mo? She works for you? This is...new. I thought you don't shit where you eat?" She giggled.

"She works with me." I corrected. "What do I do?"

"With what? I'm guessing she had put a stop to whatever it is that went between you two...and iyon naman ang gusto mo diba? No commitments, no feelings...no children. Just dear old woman hater Kuya Javie dying old and alone in his lonesome."

"Don't patronize me." I groaned more.

"Maybe it's your pride Kuya? Wala pa bang nagkocall out sa'yo ng ganyan kaya naglagay ka ng weight sa words niya?"

I sighed heavily, unanswering.

"Okay, I don't want to say the word.."

Umiling ako sa kanya

"I'm not in love. I would never be." I hissed.

"Sabi mo eh." She teased.

"I also did something...of a redflag." Napahilot ako ng sentido.

I had to come to terms with the fact that with Aya...everything is familiar but foreign...and it made me mad...and it made me do mad things.

"What did you do, Kuya?"

....

Marj is just staring at me after hearing my redflag decision. Umiling siya ng maraming beses bago humalakhak na.

"You're really mad about her."

"I don't want to be."

"Siraulo ka kuya. Eto lang. Kung ibang tao ang nakasama mo sa WonderWall...do you think you'd be this mad?"

Mabilis akong umiling.

"Why so?" Nakakaloko niyang tanong.

"She...was not the first one. I...If I'm being honest Marj...I think I was looking for her."