A beautiful lesson

Chapter 4 - Betrayal

So after that more arguments and well i don't know maybe i got tired and lost spark but as i said i love him so i got through that because i have patience and respect

3 years together

Gr.11 well this one is the most messy year

Here i hated my section not because i was away from my friends bug the awful stinky aura was there, Peppa, but one thing that can make that subside and bearable was her friend lets call her Sun because she really does shine, and i was always asleep
Because of how heavy the aura was good thing it didn't cause harm to the point of me vomiting because the aura of Sun can make it subside and bearable so i changed section

And that was much better no heaviness

Nothing much at first but then intrams came, and that was the most painful for me because i ignored the time where i "accidentally " found out tho i gave Green a chance to tell me he didn't understand

He confessed that before his birthday that around November till February when we were gr.10 that he liked someone else and that person was his classmate someone who he also likes when he was in 7th grade, of course ill Be hurt he hid that, i have so many questions, i wanted to leave, i really did..

But i couldn't? It was like a fight between my rational self and love

Damn...all i can say is that i should have left

For 8 months or so i was in pain confusion and i decided that I should not be like that because my everyday life felt like being a robot or planned out and fake because i cant even be genuinely happy or laugh truly and it seemed that my friends also got affected by my mood so i changed especially when i lost? Kinda lost someone close to me cut off kind of thing but he came back after some weeks

For him he thought it was too long but cmon someone betraying u and u being stuck not being able to leave because that person didn't want you to leave and u cant leave that person because he might go and do something stupid

DUDE THAT FUCKING HURTS FOR SOMEONE AS SENSITIVE AS ME AS I HAVE FUCKING PUT UP WITH THAT FUCKING ATTITUDE AND U FCKING BETRAYED ME I FUCKING QUESTIONED EVERYTHING OF I AM EVERY FCKING THING AND WHEN I WANTED COMFORT WHY DO I ALWAYS END UP BEING THE ONE WHO COMFORTS YOU AND U STILL WANT MORE? Why JUST WHY

I got hurt and i became toxic and repetitive in everything i couldn't be assured because i couldn't trust again, i depended a lot on your words and the time and attention u give because I overthink everything much worse, i depended a lot and when i did the toxic i kept to myself spread out like wildfires it wasn't just you who was affected my friends and family as well, i became unresponsive and blank not being me anymore, i fell deep into despair and had no one to reach out and help me get out, it was me who helped myself again and trying to trust your words, ive hurt you because u have given me a reason, maybe for some it isn't valid and some it is, but everyone has different experiences, and u did use that incident bout the Guy friend who like me, i didn't reciprocate the feelings because i don't and i cant and i know and im aware its you who i will always choose and love

I appreciate everything u have done for me and loving me despite my attitude towards you because of what u did yes it isn't as bad as others but thats why it hurts more i don't know how or what to think and why wasn't i enough again and again and words doesn't help that much and some actions are also not that effective you have to understand that 8 months is a short time to heal, ive meant every word know that and im sorry that is why when im angry u should have given me space but u refused to thats why we got this messy

Yes i tried my best and did everything im capable for you

We got better after i forced myself to live up to the present again

Much better and i thought itll continue

Jokes on me...everything that my friends told me and warned me about you in our school as well as what my sister said about you was right

U didn't respect my wishes and i adjusted which was terrible hahshahha