A beautiful lesson

Chapter 5 - Losing

School break and almost gr.12

U were so positive about dating and finding ways to spend time with each other knowing that we would be shuffled and i didn't see it coming that one day u would leave me...

I know that i should have told u what i was going through but it was family matter and I couldn't betray my family im so sorry if that made u feel distant to me

What i wanted was to take care of it by myself since it is my family and i wanted to be back again to be happy and bond with you i was looking forward to do that...

Plus i couldn't chat much, my phone was broken and i have no other access only a tablet that I could not use always because it isn't mine and they didn't want to fix my phone because they wanted to but me a new one, yet i guess "ambabaw mo" u couldn't understand my circumstances, as much as i did try to understand yours, which was unfair, and all the questions u asked me when u were about to leave me made me so stunned, why were u so cocky too?

That u acted caring of what would happen to me once u leave?

That u were concerned? Hm what happened to you green

I even asked Lego to help me because i really didn't want you to leave...being together for three years having to face challenges yet being able to get through it having a lot of fun times like when we go on dates even we aren't allowed, walking around the mall for hours laughing, talking about our interests and life experiences, hugs that felt so comforting and homey, ur scent that makes me calm, kisses that gives off the "i fit right in" found my person type of thing all of that because u said u lost spark and cant reciprocate my love anymore....

That hurts, numbing pain?

And the conversation u had with lego.. u said that u want to experience that spark with someone else and u wanted to explore, date other people....as im typing this and relive all moments we have is painfully but satisfying pain i may not have said everything but maybe in general form I still did but some i cant say because I promised that i wont so that information will stay with me and just me..

July 11 when u left me, we ended good terms, said our goodbyes but i have fought for our relationship until the very end, it was you who was afraid of being left behind but it was u who left me...

I couldn't understand why i did felt a sense of relief when u did leave me but also sadness

When it was fresh, i cried a lot to the point of waking up crying that lasted 3 days, then another 3 days of being blanked out, tried everything to ease the pain

The day of breakup, i told me cousin and he came by our house he comforted me and told me to never harm myself, he said its just a boy and i can move on

Here ill paste what he have told me

Pabayaan mo siya, kawalan niya man ito. Dae mo muna siya pag para isipon insan ta promise makukulugan ka talaga, pero tama yan na tig gigibo mo bagang tiga open mo sa iba nganing maluwas and mag gian su namamatian mo baga. Tapos kung nakaka gian talaga ki buot mag ibi, iibi mo lang insan pero dae ko pg ka grabehon ha? Tandaan mo magayon ka tapos lalake sana ito, aram ko love mo pero kung arog siya kaito dae mo ito deserve. Makulog man talaga insan aram ko, pero kung pag papara isipon mo so nangyari lalo kalang baga makukulugan? Kaya promise me na maga rant ka sa iba, mag hanap ki bagay na makakabaling ki atensyon mo, dae man giraray mag pabaya sa pagkaon ha? You're too precious para mamundo nang dahil saiya. Parahay ka insan ha? Promise me

I cried reading that...im so lucky having a cousin like him thats why i got so much motivation to get better and thats why im reliving every moment i had with Green and typing it all here because once i finished everything thats my cue that im all healed and moved on ill also cut my nails too i paint my nails and its very long

My unsaid for green

Thank you for everything u have taught me, i love you i really did, genuinely did, i was glad that I learned all of those things with you and not with someone else, i consider myself lucky that it was with you, both of us had our shortcomings but we still managed to love each other and I understand that at some point u had to give up, i accept that before i didn't because i didn't want to lose what we have and especially you, and i remember every words i have said, i want to apologize for everything my love...im not angry nor frustrated but im thankful, i wont forget you and our bonding because it serves as a lesson for both us for our future partner, U aren't my greatest love , But you are an important lesson for me, u didn't make me hate love anymore when u left and yes i was scared of love, now i don't at all because of you, im very thankful, Im not afraid anymore id like to try again till i find someone ill eventually marry, as im typing this im crying but i feel sense of relief because I understand that even though we ended its just a beginning of something new for both of us separately, i want you to know thank you for the memories and experiences u gave me, This July 26 im finally letting go, and i know u will meet that person you will spend your life with and u will be happy whoever it'll be, i know she is one lucky girl, take care of yourself green and take care of ur new girl treat her like she is one of a kind gem, be the best version of yourself for her, give her the world and u don't have to worry about me not finding love, because i didn't gave up on it when u left, actually as i said im not scared anymore and im okay trying with someone else even if its not you because ive accepted you were just a part of my life whom ive met for this lessons, cant believe that the future ive imagine wouldn't be with you but instead with someone else, ill be opening my heart again the same as u did when u left me, I loved you when i didn't really know what love was, and u left me and now i know what love can truly be learning and understanding it with you, Thank you so much Green the most beautiful eyes ive ever saw. Love you but in a different way and kind now :))

We were like flowers who tried to bloom together but failing and we ended up decaying fighting over the nutrition, now we are planted separately and this time we wont take up each others nutrition to grow

This story is now finish ive said everything i wanted here... things i couldn't

This chapter of my life ends here and I'll be moving forward, maybe I'll update a new story maybe one with a happy ending thank u!