Tranquility

Second Call

It's hard to take off from the ground when your wings are cut
Your stomach burns when you're drinkin' from an empty cup
You know the entire ocean came from my tear ducts?
I see the world through fibonacci sequences and double dutch

I haven't been able to stop

thinking about him.

Is he still alive?

I've read the paper searching for

suicide victims jumping from a bridge. Nothing.

It's been a week.

I usually don't take my work home with me, but some calls stay with me.

The ones I didn't help.

23.09 Last call for the night.

"Suicide Hotline, Harry speaking."

"Hi, Harry."

I sit up straight. It's him!

"Hi! I'm glad you called. How are you?"

I sound way too excited.

Inhale. Exhale. He's smoking.
"I find water calming."

Fuck!
"Why is that?"

"The world is so chaotic, isn't it? Underneath the water surface, everything is quiet."

"I guess the world can be chaotic, but it's so much more than that."
Fairly unintelligent statement.

"God, don't tell me you're one of those fucking persons who always see the glass half full?"
He snorts.

"Not always."

"I see the world through Fibbonacci sequences and double dutch."

Wow. Deep. This guy is...

What does that even mean?
I try to wrap my head around what he just said.
"Wanna elaborate?"

"People talk shit, Harry. No fucking substance. Nothing real. People are so fucking vain."

"Do you feel that you don't have any meaningful connections or relationships in your life?"

"I have a few."

"I'm so glad to hear that."

"Well, that's your job."
Irony again.

"I can still care."

"Maybe. I'm impressed with your choice of work, Harry. It must be tough listening to suicidal people day in and day out."

"I just want to help."

"And that makes you a kind person. Don't let the ugliness of this world swallow you whole."

I don't like the turn of this conversation. We're not supposed to talk about me.
"Don't let it swallow you."

"I think that might be too late." He sighs.

"It's never too late. If you end it now you'll never get to experience the turn to a better life."

"Speaking like a true trouper." He says, sounding slightly amused.

"Speaking from experience."
I

correct him.

He's quiet.

"Still there?" I ask after an uncomfortable silence.

"Unfortunately. Thanks, Harry. I won't surrender into tranquility tonight. Bye."

Just like that, he hangs up.
Our conversation stays with me.
I replay it in my head.
Could I have said something different?
I don't know.
At least he's not jumping tonight.

I really hope he won't.