the stories of my life

Don't Let Me Know by Jeremy Jordan and Kathrine McPhee

"I wish you were a bad man
I wish you made it easier
I wish you'd done something unforgivable
'Cause holding onto you is that all I can do until
I learn the hands around my throat are my own
Don't let me know if it hurts
If it hurts you
I don't want to be your friend that you turn to
That you won't pull me close
But you can't let me go
Don't let me know
Don't let me know
Don't let me know
Don't let me know
I wish I never met you
Now I gotta forget again
I wish you didn't know me
So damn well
Mmmmm.... Don't tell me that you're scared
Every time that I'm not (she isn't) there
Don't you open up my heart again
Oh, don't let me know if it hurts
If it hurts you
I don't want to be your friend that you turn to
That you won't pull me close
But you can't let go
Don't let me know
Don't let me know
Don't let me know
Don't let me know
If you think there's a chance you can fall again
That you've tried and you've failed to stop loving me
Don't let me know if it hurts
If it hurts you
I don't want to be your friend that you turn to
That you won't pull me close
But you can't let go
Don't let me know
Don't let me know
Don't let me know
Don't let me know"

This song made me think of you. I know you won't read this but I'm still going to address this to you.

You're an asshole and I fucking hate you but if I'm being honest you're are the only person I have ever fallen in love with, I love a lot of people and a lot of things but I've only ever fallen in love with you. You manipulative prick...

I hate you, HATE. You
But
I love you, LOVE. You. So much my body and heart hurts

I feel like I'm in the middle of the ocean and there's an anchor tied to my ankle and I already don't know how to swim.
I hate your emerald eyes and your hair and the way your voice soothes my fucking soul, my ripped apart and bruised soul... The way you look at me in the hallway. Like you love me too but you bury the words deep inside yourself.

I lie to people and say that I like them or love them to hide the fact that I need you in my life, I need you to say more than four words to me in one month, I wish you would text me or call me.

I want to know that you still care. Please.

I keep torturing myself by silently begging you to love me.

I need you to let me be free or tell me you love me too. Please.

Please, I'm sorry. Just please.

I love you.
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