Blossom and Burn

Chapter 40: Ruination

Irisha:

It was suffocating to stay here and wait for him. I felt like someone has grabbed my heart out of my chest and clutched it so tightly that all the life out of me was snatched in a moment.

Where did I go so wrong?

I am supposed to be used to his ignorance but then why does he make me feel like I am the only person he has eyes on all the time?

He asked me not to keep any expectations from me and I was okay with that. He promised me he wouldn't hurt me, that to dissolve this marriage will be totally up to me.

Then why Kanha ji?

I was literally stopping myself from punching his number on my phone and yell at him but what good will that be?

Insaan ki sbse badi kamzori yhi hai ki jo dard deta hai wo usi ke sambhalne ka intezar krta hai.

And perhaps that's why I wanted him to be here. I wanted him to hold me in his arms, to tell me that this wasn't what he wanted. I wanted him to kiss my tears away but all of that is a fickle hope because all his promises are false.

How pathetic I am to even expect so much from him when he clearly told me never expect anything from him and this marriage. My heart wrenched badly as all our memories ran through my mind but I couldn't do anything

I was a fool to think he will ever change but then what was all this that happened between us throughout this whole time? A lie?

I had been crying for the past one hour and he still isn't back. My birthday is over as well and seems like so is my happiness.

I wanted to scream and curse loudly to say everything that I wanted to but the person who it was meant for wasn't here to listen. The moments that had been so cherished to me these days will come back to haunt me every second now.

I wondered how his touch made it difficult for me to breath and my heart to beat. He affects me so much that I will let him whatever he wants to do to me, anytime he wants. To my body not to my heart.

It was the same today as well just that I couldn't breath because of the hurt he caused me. I love him, I do.

But not to my heart Veer. You can not keep hurting me like this, despite your promises. Do I really mean nothing to you? Nothing at all?

Why am I the last in your list? Are am I again overestimate and rather than being last my name is not even there in your list.

But I am not going to be any more pathetic than this. If this is what you want, this is what you will get.

I told you I'd made this work, but there is a limit to my patience too. There is only so much of love I can give you Veer.

I loved you even on the days when I had no strength to love myself. I made you my priority, I loved you even if it made me look past everyone else. I loved you more than anything else, which makes me feel like I lost myself.

I loved myself less just to love you more Veer.

I was pathetic to get obsessed with the idea of a hope that was there for our future. But that's exactly how stupid humans are - they forget that this hope will destroy them in the end too.

But there is no hope now, all that I see is darkness ahead of me and as much as it's killing me from the inside, it's better to end this once and for all.

I somehow picked myself up from the floor and went towards the washroom. I looked at my reflection looking back at me in the mirror. It looked devastated. I couldn't even recognize the person staring back at me.