Venting book

Is it... Delusion...? Yes, it is

No matter what I do, I always end up in this situation... I keep saying I would never repeat this mistake, but for some reason, now, this feels like anything but a mistake... I have no regrets towards this... I have no remorse for how I feel anymore...

But holding it back hurts...

No, not badly... But I am overly sensitive even to the smallest of things... And for the first time in forever, I know that all I feel is finally valid... I know that shouldn't be hiding this, I know I have finally found everything I ever wanted most...

I have found that person who is always open to listen to me no matter how much I say, no matter what I say... That person who openly admitted they are comfortable with me being who I am, no matter how weird and derranged I truly am. That person who genuinely cares about he, who always struggles to make me feel better despite all the hardship they are going through... The person who makes me feel appreciated, and understands me and what I feel... who makes me feel like I matter and I am enough for who I am...

And all I wish is that I can do the same for them... I hope that person knows just how much I appreciate them and care about them and I hope they know how special they are to me, how much I think about them and wish only for the best for them, because they are amazing and deserve everything beautiful in life...

To that person, I just want you to know that you never fail to brighten my day and I love talking to you and telling you all there is on my mind. I feel safe talking to you about what makes me sad and about all I feel because you never judged me and always tried to make me feel better despite being in harsh situations yourself. And I never was able to comfort you the same way, I am simply not that good woth words... But if I'll have to say something, I'll say it now, no matter how silly it may sound: No matter how short my responses are, or how bland sometimes, don't think I don't care about what you tell me. I do, I really do and I genuinely feel grateful that you talk to me about what you feel, about what hurts you. I will always be there to listen to you, I will keep your secrets safe, I will try my best to comfort you by any means. Talk to me, spam me messages, I am always happy to talk to you, I am glad you think of me as a good person. You make me feel so less lonely despite not even being near me.
It was after a while I realized just how much you mean to me, how grateful I am that I found you. I am not the best person, I have more flaws than qualities, I am terrible at comforting and I can be annoying or get jealous way too easily, but even so, just know that you make me feel safe even if I am the way I am and you make me feel worth it.
It's just that no matter how busy you are, no matter how stressed or tired, you take time to talk to me and to make me happy and now I cannot imagine a day without talking to you, without wanting to check on you and make sure you're doing well...

Crazy how you went from being complete stranger whom with I had just a few things in common to a person I cannot go a day without talking to because of how you brighten my mood.
I hope you know just how much you mean to me and how I wish I could return all the favors and find a way to make you feel just as happy as you make me... I only wish the best for you, and I know I probably am not...

I think music can express it more than words can...