Venting book

Alienated...

(listen to the song)

Ever feel like you just don't belong anywhere in this mad world? Like this place was never meant for you? No, not because it's boring, not because it's dull and empty... But simply because loneliness makes it appear like that? Simply because no one is there for you, no one listens, no one even wants to try to be your friend? And you realize that you can never trust anyone... 

All the childhood memories just become meaningless, worthless... All that happiness, all the innocence... All wiped away. All the empathy, all the sympathy... Gone, replaced by apathy... For all that you have left is a void inside, replacing that heart you gave up fixing... 

When you were replaced in everyone's hearts because you were simply... weird... When all you are is nothing but an abnormality amongst all the human beings you've been around... When you're seen as nothing but a miserable stain on the clear, blank page... 

And no, there is no metaphor of beauty in this stain. There's not greatness growing from it. No. 

No, because everyone agrees to it. Yes, everyone agrees to it, because it's the common belief of this corrupted, destructive society we all live in. Of this miserable swarm of fools, of imbeciles, of brainwashed, unaware humans... 

Yes, you are just a stain...

When you make jokes, they are never funny and you're just stupid. When you laugh at silly things, whether they're funny or not, you're strange. When you don't study to "ensure a better future for yourself", you are dumb and careless. When you pursue your talents, you're wasting time. When you're simply creative, they'll find a way to rid you of it.  When you're not doing what those your age do, you don't belong. When you are not happy and sociable, you're a weird creep. When you express yourself and try to be yourself, no one listens or you're "just too dramatic" and "you need help". When you dress darkly and make your own style, you're a cringe emo with no life. When you listen to the music you like, you have no taste. When you cry and rage, you're just immature. When you cannot handle all the overwhelming pressure everything puts on you, you're weak. When you no longer believe, you're simply condemned to damnation... and you're just wrong.

So on and so forth.... No matter how much you struggle to be yourself, no matter how much you struggle to fit in with people with common interests, you'll always be pushed away because they always find something they don't like about you. They never struggle to understand even your basic needs, they don't even care if you get crushed by all that pressure you live with. 

You're a stain... Everywhere you go... 

And then you're expected to act like nothing is wrong. You're just "too dramatic"... You're just overreacting... 

And you end up locking yourself not just in your room, the only place where you know you are yourself in no matter what version of you exists in anyone's minds... -It's the only place where nothing matters...- you end up locking yourself in the void inside you... In complete darkness... There, where no one will try to hurt you again, where they can't hurt you again because you've given up fixing yourself to go through it all over again. And they won't hurt you... No, because they cannot even reach that deeply within you. 

Even when you got close to someone and let them into your soul, they were never able to read you the way you wanted, they never understood you. And sometimes, they kept secrets from you, they ended up using you, betraying you... Abandoning you... And then they blamed you for being cold... 

But even after a little while, darkness starts to drive you insane. And people always see that as a problem, they treat you like an abnormality... They act as if it can all be fixed. 

It cannot. No, it cannot be fixed. 

When you made me the way I am, do not even try to "fix" me to your liking. 

Everything I needed was someone to listen, someone to hold my tears when things became too much for me to take alone. Someone that would not force me to be like everyone else. Someone who would support me... Someone to make me feel like I am worth it even when I am the stain I am. Someone to build that metaphor of "beauty and greatness" when they look at me and my talents, at my personality... 

Are there such people out there, or everyone I've ever known looks at me like I'm a weirdo with no life who is overexaggerating the situation?