Reconciled in the End

Chapter 2: Worse than hopelessness

After an exhausting day of rooting out the poor hack job of a sixteen year old, then the project of gathering more data on a forty year old predator soliciting with shifty business for a couple years now, he was relieved to conclude his day to home. He felt downright dismal after the events of Siren in the morning, and work only shoved more irritation to his mental wound. He needed that job however for access to her. It was the only way to reach for her, check on her. As tediously unpleasant as his career was, he settled right in readily in order to reach her. The few moments he observed her on a screen each day set him at ease.

Thomas had just laid down on his couch, staring blankly at his empty ceiling, as a vibration shifted on one of his Crowns. He grunted unhappily, knowing exactly why he was receiving a notification. They were summoning him, restless that he was flaking out on coming.

He sat up and frowned while wiping his face. The place looked sterile except a corner where he engineered coding on a super terminal for high-end monitoring and study of advanced hacking skill work. He needed to hone his expertise both for his security work in the government but also for Siren.

Another vibration set him crumpling down in frustration. He didn’t want to go. Really he should, but something in the back of his mind was warning him nothing good would come from what his reasoning sought as an option to heal himself. What kind of life was he leading now?

The next vibration sent him to his feet. “I need this. Fine I’ll go!” he snapped.

Thomas slammed his casual wear on begrudgingly. He studied his jet-black hair in the mirror in annoyance, slicking it back without care. He looked presentable enough, enough to at least be decent. He didn’t care an ounce in his appeal. If Siren weren’t there, he could look awful for all he cared.

He then stomped down the street unhappily as he studied the crowds on the train. The couple beside him making-out annoyed him with their accidental rubbing of his arm. How long had it been since he had been in that lustful moment with her? It had been years since he had any action. Perhaps he was so tense and irritable because of that, he didn’t know.

Thinking hard a moment, he was sure to get entangled tonight if he let himself. Tia had always made her preference known to him, but he declined such swiftly. Siren had been his only focus.

One more glance at the partners beside him, and he contemplated his temptation. Siren hadn’t ever appeared a jealous sort in their relations. In fact, he wished she had been more possessive. Her aloof indifference stung him hard. He could admit he was the fiercely jealous one, chasing any potential suitor away if he could. To his relief, she never allowed any intimacy with anyone but their private connection.

She was a savant free spirit, someone who rarely associated with others, but he had worked hard to connect with her. Cringing, he recalled the words again, You never really knew me, did you? Oh it hurt him in a place so deep! What could he do? Nothing came to mind. She acknowledged nothing of the world anymore.

Stumbling finally to the virtual club, Espers, Tia glommed onto him instantly as several others joined him. Some he knew from the past, others most likely friends of friends. It would be exactly as painful as he thought. Going in, the group of twenty or thirty rented a virtual floor.

With one central room and bar with several private suites attached for more intimate interactions, the walls lit up for whatever vista one desired. Music blared like a concert scene. Siren never cared for these things. She was more focused on learning or observing an oddity of life. He caught her many times just studying patterns on leaves, or theoretical interstellar mathematics. Sometimes what her brain understood was beyond a normal person’s comprehension.