lighting in a bottle

Chapter One

It's been weird since the lighting. That's the only way Buck can explain it. He knows he should be grateful for the second chance he's been given in life, for the countless second chances he's been given. And he has, for so long he felt lucky. But now? He's not so sure.

He can't help the feeling of immense dread that's filling him. His brain knows that it's because of the lighting strike, that this is a side effect. That it will eventually all go away. But his soul, his heart, feels otherwise.

Buck has been back from the hospital for months.

Cleared to go back to work after so many tests he can't even count for six weeks.

And it's been fine. Sure, he can't shake the feeling of this deep deep sadness but if no one knows, it must not be that much of a big deal. If no one realizes, all is well.

Now, Buck has just come back from a shift and is absolutely exhausted.

They said this also could be a side effect of the lighting - fatigue. A part of him feels like this sadness he's carrying and tiredness is connected, but what does he know? They said he was lucky he didn't have too many long term effects or injuries, at least for the time being.

These things come and go, the doctor said. Some random long term side effect that could ruin his life could show up at any moment of the day for his entire life because of this stupid fucking lighting.

So, it feels like he's constantly left with living on the edge.

But right now? Buck is so tired. So completely exhausted he can't even walk up the stairs. But he has to. Because he doesn't have a couch.

Three steps up and Buck's eyes are feeling heavier and heavier. He needs to climb up these stairs. He's a firefighter for god sake. If he can't climb up these stairs, it might as well be the end of his career!

But he just can't do it, even his bad leg is aching. Not a good mix. He's fine. It was just a hard shift, he has the day off tomorrow and will be back to good ol' Buck before he knows it. Just like everyone wants him to be. Just like everyone needs him to be.

Buck starts climbing down the stairs while grunting, he goes over to the kitchen and sits down on the cold floor. Jesus, he's pathetic, can't even make it to a chair.

Buck's back is laying on the side of the kitchen counter. His whole body is aching. Including his mind. A million scenarios and thoughts running through his head, what if it will be like this forever? He thinks.
I don't think I could live like this.

His eyes slowly start to close, the satisfaction of finally getting sleep after so long of being awake.

—

Eddie wouldn't consider himself a paranoid person. However, after all the therapy he's had in the past year he's learned a lot about himself and how to deal with not only his emotions, but others as well.

So how he finds himself on the brink of a panic attack while walking to Buck's apartment at 11 AM? He's not too sure.

Christopher left his school bag at Buck's house the other night, so when they were leaving the firehouse Eddie asked Buck when he could pass by and grab it.

"So, Chris left his bag at your house" Eddie mentions while watching Buck's eyes looking heavily and breathing being labored.

"Uh...it's okay if I come by and pick it up?" Eddie's voice dies in concern watching Buck who is seriously zoning out. He knows fatigue is a side effect of the lighting. He knows they had a busy shift and Buck barely got any sleep. But it's still hard to see. Even when Buck fell asleep on his couch, it was sad yet cute and a bit funny. But this isn't funny.

He thought Buck was working through everything.

"Buck?" He says Eddie's voice raises, attempting to get Buck's attention.

"Huh, yeah?" Buck shakes his head, his eye bags deep and dark. "Chris...uh, yeah." Buck stumbles and starts walking out.
"Yeah, that's cool." He mumbles.

Buck leaves Eddie in his dust, "So, when should I come?" He yells, seriously confused.

He stopped in his tracks and looked at his phone for the time. "Anytime is okay." He whispers, "Bye, guys." Buck waves to everyone and continues to walk without looking back at Eddie.

Eddie attempts not to get in his head, Buck's tired. It was the shift. He's tired too! Case closed.

Well, at least it was. When Buck doesn't answer his phone after tons of calls from Eddie and apparently Maddie, he tries not to worry. He knows logically that Buck is probably just sleeping. Eddie has always been more on the logical side. He won't let that stop now.

"Buck!" Eddie yells "Chris' bag? I still need it!" His knocks on the door turn to bangs. He grabs his key he has to Buck's apartment out and unlocks the door.

The door creaks open, "Buck?" He whispers. "You here, man?" He slowly walks around the dark apartment and sees Buck. Buck slumped down on the kitchen floor.

Sleeping.