Quietly Brave: A Social Anxiety Memoir

♡ Why I Don't Buy Into The Corporate 9-5 Grind ♡

🤍 I found meaning in activities writing, painting, reading, gardening and daydreaming...so what the hell am I supposed to do for work? 🤍

Before someone suggests that I make a side hustle out of these hobbies, sometimes you burn out and lose passion for them if you try to monetise them. Hobbies exist for me as a therapeutic activity with no financial benefit, just creating something and feeling content about it.

As I said in an earlier chapter, when I was young, I wanted to be a fictional book character.

Well, as I grew up, I soon discovered that becoming a genie and flying away on a magic carpet to an exotic desert was not an option. so I was left with finding a normal, full-time job.

The fun, exciting career that waited for me? An office job.

There seemed to be society's expectations to rise in the ranks, to climb the corporate ladder, to stand out amongst others, to be attractive, to be wealthy, to work hard, to be constantly striving for more because its only when we achieve these things that we can find happiness and security.

And I absolutely hated it.

I always wanted to lead a simple life. Just filled with my hobbies (that's it).

I didn't want my work to overrule my life, I didn't want to be constantly striving for more; more richer, more prettier and more successful. You need to see yourself in a higher position in 5 years. You need to climb the ranks. You need to work hard and earn a lot of money to be happy and secure.

My mum always argued, "If you don't want to go for promotions or get a higher paying job, how are you going to start travelling or having fun experiences? Money grants you access to these luxuries and fun experiences. Money is actually how you start living and enjoying life."

Fair point.

But with the cost of living increasing dramatically, we are forced to strive for a better paying job to keep us afloat. That benchmark for being able to afford fun luxuries, or even just the basic necessities, keeps going up.

My family always told me, "You should want to get a better paying job, like becoming a qualified accountant (CPA). That's how you're going to afford to do the things you love in the future, like buy a house and travel Europe."

But what I heard was: I was going to sell my soul to follow a soul-sucking career all to have this carrot dangled to me at the promise of future adventures and luxuries.

In summary I heard: "Give up your current happiness for the hope of future happiness."

And that's what I did. For 5 years of my life. And while I cried myself to sleep and broke down and insisted that I didn't want to do this, my family argued that I had already spent 4 years getting my accounting degree, what was another 2 more years of studying to become a Chartered Accountant? Then probably once I hit that checkpoint, they probably would have said, well you're committed now, what's another ten years of this?

So rather than becoming a Chartered Accountant who could be earning over 6 figures, working internationally, flying over to Santorini and embarking on a summer romance, I said absolutely not and quit. I picked a modest job as an administration assistant. No degree needed. I had free time on my evenings and weekends.

People would say I settled.

I would reply: I settled for what gave me the most joy.

And really, can you put a price on that?

Who on earth decided that we should work atleast 40+ years of our life only to get maybe 10 years of freedom when we retire, time that we probably can't fully enjoy because we'll be old and likely disabled? Why is it that people are complacent and perpetuating this capitalist system?

Why aren't we encouraged in school to forge a career in the arts? Or teach us how to start our own business? Or teach us to live communally on a rural farm, exchanging local produce and exchanging services?

Things need to change because there's only so long I can sit at my desk and stare out of my office window, tapping my pen against my cheek and wish that things were different.

I wished I was that girl again sitting in her favourite pink armchair in the library.

I wished that I was playing handball on the courts again with my primary school friends.

I wished that I was that girl who didn't go to university to make her family proud. Instead I wished I enrolled in Art School and fostered my creativity instead.

I wished that I was that girl again who daydreamed many different story ideas and made up fictional characters. I miss that escapism because now my daydreams aren't quite as vibrant as they used to be.

I would say to focus on those moments where you're losing myself in your hobbies (reading, writing, painting etc). Don't follow the path that other people want you to go down because although they may have good intentions, they don't know what actually is best to do.

Some of us aren't born to work. We're born to create.

So just 'create' and see where it takes you.