Quietly Brave: A Social Anxiety Memoir

♡ Symptoms of My Anxiety ♡

Now that I've spoken a lot about all the different situations that make me anxious, I wanted to delve into what it actually feels like.

Social Anxiety symptoms can be more severe than what people think. They can occur before, during and after a situation.

Stuttering

In these social situations, when I talk it can can sound like I'm making a mix-tape remix. I can joke about my stutter, right?

I just laugh and say, "Sorry, my brain glitched." Struggling with social anxiety, I try and find humour in my occasional stutter.

In a work environment, it's not as easy to laugh off this symptom. Trying to appear professional and competent is difficult. To avoid stuttering, I will quickly jot down my thoughts prior to a meeting or be sure to articulate slowly.

Mumbling, talking fast or pausing/trailing off my words

Ever since I was younger, and even now at twenty three, the way I speak has been consistent in the sense that I mumble and trail off my words. Family, friends and strangers have to constantly ask me to speak louder and emphasise my words so that they can understand me. 

Blushing

This is a common symptom for those with social anxiety. It is really hard to control. You can feel your face & neck flame tomato red but be helpless to do anything about it.

Trembling and sweating

My hands, knees or legs will tremble visibly. It's an involuntarily physical response that is so obvious. I start sweating, get clammy palms  and getting really hot. Weirdly though, sometimes I start shivering because I feel myself getting colder. I did some quick research because I was curious about how I can go from hot to cold in the span of a few minutes. Apparently, anxiety causes hot flashes and the body sweats to cool it down. This can work just alittle too well and leave a person feeling cold and shivery.

Fast breathing

Ever had to run a marathon and then give a speech straight after? That's what it can feel like trying to speak when you're anxious. It's like I can't get enough oxygen even though my lungs are fully functioning, young lungs. Worst case (which for me has only happened once) is hyperventilating and panic attacks. This can be a very serious symptom of anxiety.

Nausea & Feeling like vomiting/ Lack of an appetite

With my stomach churning and in an adrenaline-like state, my body won't register that it's hungry. So this makes food consumption very difficult. Because of my stomach feeling sick, I won't feel hungry and so I won't eat much. This can be very problematic. To overcome this, I would have a very light meal like a small salad or a cup of tea before a stressful situation (like a job interview) and then have a proper lunch afterwards. This helped my digestion immensely and ensured that I was eating properly after these stressful rare occasions.

Digestive issues- wanting to use the toilet

No explanation needed. You get it.

Memory fog

Being at the ripe and very old age of 23 years old (note the sarcasm), I should be able to remember things so clearly and have the sharpest mind. However, my social anxiety causes me to forget what someone said a few seconds ago. Or if a person asks me a question about something, my mind will go blank. It's this short-term memory fog that at times can make me look stupid or slow. It can be very debilitating and embarrassing.

Inability to listen

Similar to my memory fog, people talk to me but it's like I can't hear them properly. I'm so nervous that their words don't register. I may as well be underwater and someone is talking to me from above the surface because that's how well my brain functions when I'm anxious. Often, friends will get annoyed when I forget what they said and it'll make me feel even worse as a friend! Yet it's just my anxiety affecting my ability to listen.

Insomnia

This happens in very stressful situations. For example, my first week of work.

I'm not able to sleep properly and will wake up gasping throughout the night. On my first day of work I was so anxious about starting work that I kept waking up hourly throughout the night and was so restless. I remember waking up at 2 am and jumping out of bed thinking it was time to get ready for work. That's how ridiculously stressed I was!

Insomnia is the symptom that only affects me when I'm really stressed about something.

But hey, when I'm not stressed, I actually sleep peacefully. Like I normally love sleep and have no problem falling asleep. Cozying up in my bed is one of my favourite things to do. I also require more sleep than the average person (atleast 9 hours to feel properly recharged). This could be due to my anxiety.

  Feeling of terror/dread

This feeling happens in very stressful social events such as a job interview, exam or speech.

It's not slight nerves that normal people experience - it's the feeling of dread. I can't get quality sleep and will just be counting down the exact minutes and seconds before the event. It's hard to describe this physical feeling of dread but its as if I'm all tensed up and on edge, like I'm waiting for a bad situation to happen.

Mood swings

Everyone struggling with social anxiety has different mood swings so I can't speak for everyone. For me, I'll either be angry or sad before an event. My irritability manifests in angry outbursts, rudeness or a lack of patience. Or I can get weepy and teary and will have the urge to break down and cry at the smallest of things.

So if you see someone having these mood swings, it could indicate anxiety or maybe even depression. Don't get angry back at them or judge them. It is just a side-effect of social anxiety and not them personally.

If you're socially anxious, what does your anxiety feel like to you?

[I want to include a seperate chapter of what social anxiety feels like for different people so if you want to contribute to this chapter, leave your contribution in the comments below!]

And don't forget to vote for this chapter if it resonated with you! :)