The Italian Boys

I'm Ready

Omar and I have been dating for 6 months and a few weeks I've had episodes in between but I never told him about it I didn't want him to worry it's time I learned how to take care of myself but I think I'm ready

Ready for what? I'm ready to take the next step in our relationship the sex step we never talked about it and the most we did was give each other a few hickeys but I was ready for him to see all of me to know all of me in the beginning I was still scared

That after he sees my scars he'd left and be weirded out but that wasn't the case he learned every single scar on my body and could tell when one was new he would always tell me how beautiful I am he also helped my siblings study and he always took me on a date even if it was just a walk

I let the first week of school pass because I wanted him to get settled in before I brought up the topic that I've been nervous to talk about he came over to my house like usual expect we weren't studying he greeted my siblings and the maids,chef and gardeners

I lead him up to my room and closed the door “Omar we need to talk” I said he looked really worried “Did I do something wrong?” He asked and I immediately shook my head as no “Oh god I don't know how to say this without it being awkward” I said

“Just spit it out I'm sure I can handle it” He said sitting up straight “I wanna have sex” I blurted out Omar blinked at me curiously before he began to laugh taking my hands into his

“Pollo baby I would love to have sex with you but...” He said my heart racing “But?” I questioned “Now isn't the right time I want our first time to be special and meaningful the right time will come soon enough” He said and I bit my lip nodding my head

“Are you trying to say if we have sex now it wouldn't be special and meaningful?” I asked “That's not what I'm trying to say” He said sighing deeply “Okay” I said we cuddled and watched a movie on my laptop his fingers tracing my hips

After a few hours Omar had to go so I took a shower and went downstairs Lydia cooking dinner in the kitchen “Hey Lydia can I ask for your advice on something” I said walking into the kitchen “Sure Pollo ask away” She said smiling sweetly at me this was even more embarrassing

“If your partner doesn't want to have sexual intercourse with you does that mean there's someone else?” I asked “Are you talking about Omar does he not want to?” She asked and I nodded ashamed “Okay have you guys ever anything before?” She asked “No” I simply replied

“Maybe he's just waiting for the right time not because your ready means he is too it'll happen when the time is right” She said and I nodded “Thanks Lydia” I said grabbing the plates to set the table we ate dinner and then went to sleep

The next morning I got ready for school already sick and tired of this navy blue uniform I got into my car Marcos and Matues and Giuliana and Luciana getting in as well they didn't have their drivers license yet

I parked in my usual space and got out of the car my eyes immediately searching for Omar he normally arrives earlier than me “Searching for Omar?” Amy came beside me and asked I nodded and she pointed towards his car

“Hungover we stayed late at Dora's” She said “Are you not hangover?” Marcos asked raising an eyebrow “i didn't drink as much as them” Amy said Thomas coming to her side he also looked terrible “I left Alec and Dora to help Omar” Thomas said to Amy and she nodded waving bye to us they went to class

I sighed deeply and pushed the thoughts that were trying to surface in the back of my mind going to class Omar slept through almost all of his classes Amy had to tell the teachers he was sick lunch time came and I really wasn't hungry

“Hey Amy can I talk to you?” I walked up to her and asked “Ofc” She said smiling sweetly we went into the hallway away for everyone's eyes and ears “What's up Pollo?” She asked and I sighed deeply “You obviously don't have to answer this but did Omar and Pandora ever like have something?” I asked already feeling embarrassed

“Yeah and Freshman and Sophomore year they use to hook up all the time but before Dora he use to hook up with our good friend Serena she lives on the other side of London and visits sometimes Why?” She said and my heart sunk “Just wondering” My glaze fell to my hands as I started pulling at the bracelets on my wrist

“Dora is totally over him it's just Serena she's visiting for Omar's birthday so it's all good” Amy smiled and I nodded she walked away and I bit my lip leaning my head back against the lockers I shouldn't be acting like this god I was embarrassing myself

Sighing deeply I went back to the cafeteria and sat with my siblings as they ate lunch “What's wrong with Omar today?” Luciana asked “He's hungover” Marcos said eating a spoonful of rice “Damn I can't even coming to school hungover” Dax said and Ajax nodded my mind faded away from their conversation

Staring over at Omar's table “If you keep staring it's gonna look creepy” Tatum said snapping his fingers in front of my face “I'm gonna head to class early see you guys” I asked grabbing my stuff and leaving the table my head was beginning to hurt from all this overthinking

Sliding down the sides of my locker I felt overwhelmed too many things going through my head I didn't wanna do it I'm in school I could get caught but I couldn't help it going into the bathroom locking the stall I pulled out my spare sharpener and destroyed it

Taking out the tiny piece of blade I pulled up my sleeves and began cutting small line opened on my arm and blood gushed out dripping onto my black shoes I groaned and rested my head against the wall fuck putting the tiny piece of blade in my bookbag I grabbed as much toilet paper as I can and soaked up the blood cleaning off my shoes

I used the rest to wrap around my arm until I got bandage carefully pulling down my sleeves going to my rest of classes for the day I felt lightheaded by the end of school driving home and rushing to my room I ran to the toilet and just began throwing up despite eating nothing

Tears bricking at my eyes slowly running down onto my rosy cheeks I flushed the toilet and brushed my teeth removing my uniform I cleaned the fresh cuts And bandaged it taking a shower I changed into a hoodie and sweatpants like always I went to the study room

And found Omar sitting drinking a cup of coffee and eating a sandwich “Hi” I said walking over to him “Hi sweets” He said kissing my lips briefly I sat down and watches him as he finished up eating “Come here how was your day at school?” He asked taking my hand into his

I sat on his lap “It was good how was yours?” I asked lying through my teeth “I don't really remember I had a terrible hangover” He said drawing circles on my waist with his fingers “Yeah Amy told me” I said

“Hm” He closed his eyes and leaned his head back “So it's birthday soon what are you planning on doing?” I asked and he shrugged “Normally Dora's parents throw me a party as my parents are far too busy” He said

His parents are always busy don't they make time for their son? “Okay” I said I wanted us to do something but I didn't want to invade on something that's been happening for years he should be able to enjoy his birthday with the people who are like family to him “I'm making invitations so tell your siblings look out for one” He said and I nodded

Burying my face in his neck I closed my eyes and took in his scent he smelled really nice I was falling for this boy dangerously fast and It honestly scared me