Tricky Heart (Wattys 2024)(English)

Chapter 2 - I will not need a shoulder to cry on

The sparrow is chirping again. I can't understand him anyway. I don't know if he is angry about the choice I made just now. But, by now, it's a decision I've made, there's nothing more he can do about it.

I can do it. I can do it. I can do it.

Paul opens the door, I sneak in and steal something. Sounds easy, doesn't it? It's just three actions to take. That's it!

Let's hope Paul really knows how to open a locked door, otherwise we're screwed. We have to be quick.

"Martha!" It is Karol's voice.

I get up from the bench. Miriam is there, too. "How are you?" How nice to see them. I immediately run over to them.

Karol raises her finger blocked by a brace. "Good. I could have died, but I'm alive."

I hug them tightly. I am really glad they are here. "It's a good thing you can tell us."

We laugh.

Miriam rests her head on mine. "You haven't answered on the group since last night. You were making us worry."

It's true. They don't know anything about last night's fight. They are my best friends and I haven't had the courage to talk to them yet. I break away from the hug. "Excuse me. I didn't do it on purpose. Unfortunately, I had a busy night."

"Me too." Karol waves her broken finger and smiles.

I wish something so simple had happened. Last night, I feared I would die. The violence of that beast, the unscrupulous look, the feeling of being doomed.... I would have given anything in return not to experience that moment. I would have even endured a broken finger.

Miriam frowns. Even though I'm standing there in front of her eyes, she looks worried. "What happened last night?"

The question hits me full force. That now familiar lump in my throat reappears out of nowhere, as if it had always been there. Ready to grip me. It is strange how such a simple question, can trigger such intense and complicated emotions.
Perhaps, she could have also said to me 'How are you?" and it would have happened just the same.

"Nothing." I don't think I've cried enough about what happened yesterday. The vision mists up. Tears join together, increase in volume, and fall uncontrollably down my face.
I cannot bring them back. I can only bring them down in free fall and, this time, live in the moment.

Karol and Miriam hug me on the fly. I really need them. I hold them close to me and keep crying, but without making a sound. My breathing is irregular and I have just a few apnea. I think you can tell that I haven't stopped crying yet. I am free to cry. I deserve it and I can with them.

The contact of their hands rubbing my back makes me feel good. I sink onto Karol's shoulder. I love you.

She consoles me with a little pat. "You can tell us what happened."

"Hug me some more."

Who knows when I will forget that story. I had fear, courage, anger....

Miriam's pocket vibrates: it's the phone. "It must be my mother." She pulls it out. "Wait a minute while I answer it." She walks a few meters away.

Karol strokes my cheek. "Well? Do you want to tell me what happened?"

Now, I don't feel like talking about the fight. I wipe my tears with my knuckles. "I'd like not to talk about it."

"Okay, then we won't talk about it. When you feel up to it, you tell me. Anyway, are you okay?"

"Now that you're here, yes!"