An Arranged Marriage//(GIYUSANE)

Chapter 22|| 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄?

GIYUU POV

I'm a complete mess. I kissed Sanemi. I actually kissed him. And he didn't like it. I shouldn't have done that. We were finally making progress, building something good, and now I've ruined everything.

My emotions had gotten the better of me, and I let my feelings take control. I needed to apologize. To fix this.

I hurried to my car, barely registering the rain that had started to fall. I didn't even bother with an umbrella, the urgency to reach Sanemi driving me forward.

I sped towards his house, my heart pounding in my chest. If I didn't fix this, if I didn't make things right...

could I even fix this now?

We had come so far. He had hated me, hated the marriage, but finally, we were starting to connect, to build something real. And I, in my impulsive, idiotic rush, had destroyed it all.

I slammed on the brakes, the car skidding slightly on the wet pavement as I pulled up to Sanemi's house. Ignoring the heavy rain, I scrambled out, drenched in seconds.

"Sanemi!! Sanemi!! I'm sorry!! I didn't mean to!!" I shouted, my voice hoarse from the rain and the pounding of my heart. A bodyguard opened the gate, his expression confused.

"Sir Giyuu? Come inside, sir-" But before he could finish, Sanemi appeared behind him, holding an umbrella.

"Don't, let him get wet. It's his choice, he's not our responsibility," he said, turning his back on me.

"Bu-but sir!" the bodyguard stammered.

"I will fire you if you don't do as I say! Close that damn gate!" Sanemi snapped, his voice laced with icy fury.

The heavy gate clanged shut, leaving me standing alone in the downpour. The cold air, the heavy rain, nothing compared to the chill that had settled in my bones. The thought that I might never be able to fix things with him, never be able to earn his forgiveness, was a weight I couldn't bear.

If I had only controlled myself. If I hadn't let my emotions get the better of me.

It was all my fault.

SANEMI POV

A sharp pang ripped through my chest as I turned away from Giyuu, the sensation so intense it felt like my heart had shattered into a million pieces. It was wrong, so terribly wrong.

Each step I took was a fresh wave of agony, the sound of his voice calling my name echoing through the air. I longed to run to him, to be enveloped in his presence, but a force within me held me back, denying the truth that clawed at my heart.

Did I like him? No, it couldn't be. My heart belonged to Kanae, didn't it? Yet, the pain I felt was undeniable, a deep, aching emptiness that resonated with a longing I couldn't quite name.

_______

Hours had passed, but sleep remained elusive. I tossed and turned, a restless unease gnawing at me. I couldn't pinpoint the feeling, this strange tug at my heart.

Was I developed feeling for Giyuu? No, that was impossible. Kanae was the one I liked, the one I yearned for. My heart belonged to her.

It was absurd to even consider feelings for Giyuu. I wasn't gay.

So why did his touch still linger, his warm, soft lips imprinted on my memory? It was just shock, right? A bizarre, confusing after-effect. It was easy to rationalize.

But the feeling I had for Kanae was different, entirely different. With her, everything was slow, gentle, a soft breeze. With Giyuu, it was a whirlwind, a rush of adrenaline and something... deeper.

Maybe it was just my tendency to get attached to kind people. I probably felt the same way about Obanai or Masachika.

Fuck. I was gaslighting myself.

I left my room, seeking a glass of water, but found Genya in the kitchen, also drinking.

"Why are you still awake?" I asked, my voice gruff.

"And so are you, Nemi," he replied, his eyes sharp.

And then, a question, unexpected, tumbled out of my lips, "Do you ever... think about what it would be like to...be with someone you love?"

The heck did I just say? Why did I even ask that question? It was absurd, confusing. Kanae was my girl, my firecracker, my whirlwind of fun and excitement. I loved her, and that was that.

"Someone you love? Well, if you're talking about family, of course it's fun, warm, a feeling of belonging," Genya said, his eyes thoughtful.

"But if it's romantically... it's probably gentle and comforting, your heart will probably stop or beat fast every second. You get a heat rush just by looking at them. Time either speeds up or slows down when you're with them, or even just see them. I read it online. Why are you asking, Nemi? Do you have feelings for Giyuu?"

"Fuck no"

Genya's words echoed in my mind. I knew those things, I'd read them online too. But my feelings for Kanae weren't that. It's different what I felt with Kanae,

fun full of joy, warmth...i wanted to. be with her... but I don't feel my heart skip a beat.. nor fast.. I don't.. I just felt happy what ever I see her.. was the love I felt for her is really.. love?.. or I just like to be with her. because I know she can understand me.

My feelings for Giyuu, on the other hand... those were different. They felt like a quiet intensity, a deep understanding that went beyond words. I found myself thinking about him more than I should, my heart pounding at the mere thought of his touch.

"It's nothing," I mumbled, turning away.

The truth was, I wasn't sure what I felt. Maybe it was just confusion, a fleeting reaction to the kiss. Maybe it was something more.

I wasn't ready to face that truth, not yet.

should I.. talk to giyuu tomorrow?... we should probably.. talk about things?

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