Sign Me Up - Post Malone

11

As the island comes into view, I see Austin frown, so I look over and see Jefferson standing on the jetty with Jaco. I frown too, that can't be a good sign. I look back at Austin and see he is now looking behind him and has a grin on his face, so my eyes flick to where he is looking. There is a large boat that is coming over the horizon. My bet is that boat has a bunch of wedding shit on it and Jaco has come down to make sure he gets to it before his insane son does. Jaco does not know my tyrant as well as I do. Austin looks back at the island then stands and waives, his grin borderline evil. Am I in love? It's a pretty big possibility. I look back at the island and see Jaco freaking out on the jetty, but there is not a dam thing he can do. I know whatever Austin has up his sleeve is going to excite me, and so a delighted giggle escapes my lips. I can't help it.

Austin bends and pulls a metal container out from under a bench, opens it, and pulls out what looks like a fucking hand grenade.

"Is that a hand grenade?"

"Military grade, baby," he says, polishing it up on his shirt with a menacing grin. I am immediately excited. "I am so wet right now, I am going to ride you for hours. But, isn't that illegal?" I ask. It's a valid question.

"Your ass in those jeans is illegal, sweet thing."

"Oh, thank you. I bought these jeans based on what they do for my ass."

"Well, I like them very much. Put that rodent down and hold this. Be careful," he says, holding the hand grenade out to me. I put Cat down carefully, under a bench so she is safe, then take the hand grande with both hands. I can hear Jaco shouting from the jetty now, the man is close to busting his hemorrhoids. Austin grins and waves at him again then turns the boat around and heads to the wedding boat and flags him to a stop. "Can you swim?" he asks the guy on the boat. "You Austin?" the guy asks. "Yup," Austin says, taking the hand grenade from me.

"OK, Tim has already given me a heads up. He said you are insane and I can use your boat to get back."

"Insane?" he asks and looks back at me as if it is the first time he has ever been called that; I highly doubt it. "I like insane," I say with a grin; he grins back and then turns back to the guy on the wedding boat. "Best get off that boat," he says pulling the pin out of the grande. The guy's eyes go wide, and he grabs his stuff quickly, then jumps off and swims over to our boat. "May I keep that pin, please," I ask. "You sentimtal, baby?" Austin asks turning to me. "I am. I would like something to remember about the first time we ever blew up a boat together using a military-grade hand grenade. This is a special moment for us, Tyrant, and I feel it will bring us closer together. I would like something to remember it by."

"Sure, baby, here you go," he says, handing the pin over to me; I take it and slip it into my bra. I love that he doesn't look at me like I am weird, like everyone else does, including the sopping wet man who has now crawled onto our boat. Austin gets himself ready at the wheel, planting his feet firmly and holding onto the wheel tightly. "Brace yourself, baby," he says so I do. I sit my butt down on the floor and grab hold of the bench, the boat guy does too. "You are not his, baby," I point out. "Yeah, I know, but, I would prefer not to die today," he says. "Fair enough," I say with a shrug, then crain my head, making sure I have a good view of the wedding boat.

Austin pulls his arm back and then launches the hand grenade with all his might. I watch it sail through the air as Austin puts the boat into gear and speeds us as far away from the wedding boat as fast as he can. I count to seven before I watch the wedding boat explode in an enormously fantastic orange blaze. The flames and smoke spread out like a mushroom and bits of boat go flying in all directions. It's so beautiful! It's the best explosion I have ever seen! Austin is heading straight to the jetty at one hell of a speed, but the aftershock in the water from his magnificent work catches up to us and rocks the boat violently. Clutching tightly onto the bench so I am not flung off, I turn to look at Austin; the man is standing sturdy with both feet planted firmly as he rocks with the boat. There is not a hint of fear in his serious face as he hones in on Jaco. This is only the start of his tyrant, Jaco better watch the fuck out because Austin is not done yet. I get butterflies in my stomach and let out an excited squeak.