I Don't Believe In Forever

9

Seungmin had no idea where he was going. His mind was a fog of confusion and despair, each step feeling like it was taking him further into an abyss.

His feet ached, a dull, persistent throb that only added to his exhaustion. It felt like he had been running for hours, though he couldn’t be sure.

Tears blurred his vision, streaming down his face unchecked, mingling with the blood smeared across his mouth. Each breath was a ragged gasp, each heartbeat a reminder of his turmoil.

Maybe he had been running for hours. Maybe time had ceased to have meaning in his state of distress. He didn't know anymore. Right now, he felt like he didn't know anything about himself. His identity, his sense of self, had crumbled under the weight of his actions and emotions. He felt lost, adrift in a sea of regret and confusion.

How his feet had managed to carry him to the house where Jisung and his friends lived was a mystery to him.

Perhaps it was a sign, or maybe Dae was right, and his instincts were just too powerful, guiding him here without conscious thought.

That was likely the case because, in a clearer state of mind, he wouldn't have come here. He wouldn’t have dared to show his face after what he had done.

Standing before the door, he was a mess, a tangled mass of emotions and blood.

He couldn’t ask Han for help again. Not after everything. He didn't trust himself, especially not around Han, and definitely not around Minho.

He was too volatile, too dangerous. He blamed his instincts for bringing him here, and for making him knock on the door despite his better judgment.

Realization hit him like a cold slap to the face. It was the middle of the night, and he was standing at the door of a house where two hunters lived, with blood on his mouth.

This looked bad, very bad. Panic surged through him, his breath quickening, hands shaking. The tears that had been steadily flowing now blurred his vision completely. He was a wreck, a true mess.

For a fleeting moment, he hoped that no one had heard his knock. Maybe he could slip away unnoticed, save himself the humiliation and danger. But of course, someone opened the door.

"Seungmin hyung, what are you doing here this late... oh, is that blood?" Jeongin's voice was tinged with panic, his eyes wide as he took in Seungmin's appearance.

"J-Jeongin... I n-need Han," Seungmin stammered, his breath catching in his throat.

"Seungmin, you need to calm down a bit, okay?" Jeongin said, his hands grasping Seungmin's shoulders in a firm but gentle grip.

"I-I need H-Han," Seungmin repeated, his desperation palpable.

"Okay, okay, come with me," Jeongin said, leading him inside.

But instead of taking him to Han's room, Jeongin guided him to the bathroom. Confusion and frustration flared within Seungmin.

"Jeongin, I-I said I w-want Han," he demanded, his anger bubbling up despite his efforts to control it.

"I know, but please listen to me, okay? I need to wash you a bit. I can't let you go like that," Jeongin explained patiently.

Seungmin felt a wave of stupidity crash over him.

He had forgotten about the blood. Jeongin didn't want him to see Han with blood on his mouth. Shaky hands reached for the faucet, and he began to wash himself, the cold water a stark contrast to the heat of his distress.

Jeongin made a gesture indicating he was now presentable enough, and they left the bathroom.

But still, Jeongin didn't take him to Han's room. Instead, they ended up in a different room, and Seungmin's patience snapped.

"H-Han," he demanded again, his voice edged with frustration.

"Minho fell asleep in his room. I will bring Han here," Jeongin said, but his words only heightened Seungmin's panic.

"N-no Minho," Seungmin protested, fear tightening his chest.

"No Minho, just Han. You need to breathe until he comes, okay?" Jeongin reassured him before rushing out of the room.

Seungmin felt like he was crumbling from the inside out. Guilt gnawed at him, knowing Jeongin was waking up a sleeping Han because of him, because of his problems.

What if Han didn’t want to deal with him anymore? The storm in Seungmin’s mind raged on, doubts and fears swirling uncontrollably.

The door opened, and Han’s soft, sleepy voice cut through Seungmin’s turmoil. "Seungminnie!" Han rushed to him, enveloping him in a hug. The contact made Seungmin melt, his rigid frame sagging in Han’s arms.

"I don’t want to do this anymore," Seungmin cried, his words muffled against Han’s shoulder.

"It’s okay, I’m here," Han soothed, his voice a gentle balm to Seungmin’s frayed nerves.

"N-no!!" Seungmin’s cry was desperate. "I am tired. I want it to stop. Please make it stop." His sobs grew harder, his body shaking with the force of his emotions.

"Seungmin, you need to tell me what is wrong for me to help you," Han said, his voice calm and steady.

"Y-you don’t understand. Everything is wrong! I am tired of it. I don’t want this. I just need it to stop," Seungmin pleaded, his tears soaking Han’s shirt.

Han continued to whisper comforting words, his presence a steady anchor in Seungmin’s storm.

Slowly, Seungmin’s sobs quieted, exhaustion taking over. He fell asleep, his body limp in Han’s embrace. Han carefully moved him to a more comfortable position on the bed and settled in beside him, falling asleep while still holding the distressed vampire.

When Seungmin woke up, confusion clouded his mind. Memories of the previous night flooded back, and he heard raised voices outside the room. Even with the door closed, he could make out the conversation.

"How could you let him inside the house again?" Minho’s voice was loud, filled with anger.

"You need to quiet down; you’re going to wake him up," Han’s voice replied, calm but firm.

"Let him wake up; he needs to leave anyway."

"He has no one, Minho. He is already too close to breaking. Now he finally reached out again."

"You said it yourself that he is a red vampire. The night when you came home crying because he pushed you away, you said he was a lost cause," Minho retorted.

"He is not. Can’t you see how hard he is trying?" Han’s voice was pleading.

"And he is still failing. What if he bit someone else yesterday? That’s why he was probably so upset. What if he decided to bite Jeongin too? What would you have done then?"

"He had no trace of blood on him. He was clean, Minho," Han defended.

"I’m just saying he can only bring problems."

"Then stay out of them, but I will help him."

"Okay, do whatever you want, but don’t come crying to me again," Minho snapped.

Seungmin felt sick to his stomach. The guilt and shame were overwhelming. He really was just bringing problems.