I Don't Believe In Forever

11

Seungmins days in the house were
punctuated by moments of calm, but
each moment of peace was tainted by
the gnawing hunger that lurked beneath the surface. It was like a shadow, following him everywhere he went, whispering in his ear, urging him to give in to his darkest impulses.

The others were so kind, so supportive, and Seungmin knew they meant well. But they didn't understand how close he was to losing control, how fragile his resolve had become.

The facade he maintained grew more difficult to uphold with each passing day. Seungmin could feel the cracks forming, could sense the hunger slipping through, but he couldn't let them see.

Not Han, who looked at him with such
trust and hope. Not Minho, whose wary
eyes stil watched him, waiting for him
to slip.

One evening, as Seungmin sat in the
dimly lit living room, he noticed Jeongin watching him from the doorway. Seungmin forced a smile, though his stomach twisted at the sight of him.

"Hey," Seungmin greeted, trying to keep
his voice steady.

Jeongin stepped into the room, his
expression serious. "Seungmin-hyung,
can I talk to you for a minute?"

Seungmin nodded, his heart sinking.
Jeongin's tone was calm, but there was
something in his eyes that made
Seungmin uneasy. "What's on your
mind?"

Jeongin sat down across from him, his
gaze unwavering. "Hyung, I know you're struggling."

Seungmin's smile faltered. "I'm fine,
really. I've been doing better-"

"No, you're not," Jeongin interrupted, his voice firm. "I can see it, hyung. You're trying so hard, but... it's not enough, is it?"

Seungmin felt the air leave his lungs as
the words hit him. He looked away,
unable to meet Jeongin's eyes. "I'm
managing," he whispered, though even
he didn't believe the words.

Jeongin leaned forward, his voice
softening. "Hyung, I know it's hard, but
you don't have to go through this alone.
You don't have to pretend."
"Im not pretending," Seungmin insisted,
his voice growing more desperate. "I'm
fine, Jeongin. I'm handling it."

"But at what cost?" Jeongin asked
quietly. "How much longer can you keep this up before... before something
happens?"

Seungmin clenched his fists, his nails
digging into his palms. He hated that
Jeongin could see through him so
easily, hated that he was right. The truth was, Seungmin was hanging by a thread, and he didn't know how much longer he could hold on.

"You have to bite someone, don't you?"
Jeongin's words were like a knife to
Seungmin's heart. "You can't control it,
hyung. I know you don't want to hurt
anyone, but... you can't keep fighting it
like this."

"l'm fine," Seungmin repeated, his voice
shaking. "I don't need to bite anyone. I
can handle it."

Jeongin sighed, his eyes filled with
sadness. "Hyung, you're not fine. Please,
don't let it get to the point where you do
something you'll regret."

Seungmin swallowed hard, tears
pricking at the corners of his eyes. "I
Won't. I can't."

Jeongin reached out, placing a hand on
Seungmin's arm. "We're here for you,
hyung. Just... don't push us away, okay? I know how hard Han is trying to make you open up, you can talk to him."

Seungmin nodded, though his heart felt
heavy with dread. He appreciated
Jeongin's concern, but it only served to
remind him of how close he was to
losing everything. He couldn't let that
happen. He couldn't hurt them, couldn't
betray the trust they had placed in him.
But as the days passed, the hunger grew
stronger, more insistent. It clawed at
him, making it harder to think, harder to resist. He avoided being alone with the others as much as possible, terrified
that he might snap, that the monster
within him might break free. Every
interaction was a test of his willpower, every smile a mask he wore to hide the
storm raging inside him.

Then one night, when the house was
unusually quiet, Changbin approached
him, his face weary from a long day
spent in the studio with Chan.

"Seungmin, can I ask you a favor?"
Changbin asked, rubbing the back of his
neck. " forgot to pick up some stuff
from the store earlier, and l'm too tired
to go now. Do you mind grabbing it for
me?"

Seungmin's heart skipped a beat, panic
rising in his chest. It was late, and the
thought of going out alone, where the
temptation might be too great, made his
blood run cold. But he couldn't refuse
Changbin, not when he looked so
exhausted. He nodded, forcing a smile.
"Sure, hyung. I'Il be right back."

"Thanks, Seungmin. You're the best,"
Changbin said, smiling gratefully as he
handed Seungmin a list and some money.

Seungmin left the house, the cool night
air hitting him like a slap to the face. His senses were heightened, every sound amplified, every scent more intense.

The city was quieter at this hour, but the few people still out seemed to
draw his attention like magnets. He tried to focus on his task, to keep his mind occupied with the list in his hand, but the hunger gnawed at him, demanding to be sated.

As he walked, the pull of the hunger
grew stronger, an almost physical force
that urged him to abandon his errand, to find someone, anyone, and sink his
teeth into their flesh. He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts, but it was no use. The darkness within him was taking over, and he was powerless to stop it.

He reached the store, his hands
trembling as he picked up the items on
Changbin's list. He could barely
concentrate, his mind consumed by the
hunger that roared inside him. He
needed to get back to the house, to the
safety of the others, before he did
something unforgivable.

But as he left the store, his resolve crumbled. The streets were nearly empty, just a few people scattered about, minding their own business. Seungmin's eyes locked onto a man walking alone, his footsteps echoing in the quiet night.

The man didn't notice Seungmin at first,
but when their eyes met, Seungmin felt
the last shred of his control slip away.
Without thinking, Seungmin moved
quickly, his body acting on instinct. He
followed the man, his movements silent
and predatory. The man turned down a
dimly lit alley, and Seungmin's heart pounded in his chest. This was it. He
was going to lose it, and there was
nothing he could do to stop it.

The man didn't even have a chance to
scream before Seungmin shoved him
against the wall, his hand covering the
man's mouth to stifle any noise. The
man's eyes widened in terror as
Seungmin's fangs extended, the hunger
in his eyes unmistakable.

"No," Seungmin whispered, even as he
felt his body betray him. "Please, no.."
But the hunger was too strong. He bit
down, the taste of blood filling his
mouth, intoxicating and overwhelming.
The man struggled weakly, but
Seungmin's grip was ironclad. The
hunger surged, driving him to drink
deeper, to take more, to drain the man
completely.

But then, something snapped in
Seungmin's mind. He saw the man's life
slipping away, saw the horror in his
eyes, and it brought him back to his
senses.

With a choked gasp, Seungmin
pulled away, stumbling back in shock
and horror at what he had done.
The man slumped against the wall,
barely conscious, blood seeping from
the wound on his neck.

Seungmin stared at him, his hands trembling, his mind reeling. He had almost killed him. He had lost control again, just like he had feared,
and now there was blood on his mouth.

"No... no, no, no," Seungmin muttered,
panic rising in his chest. He couldn't
stay here. He couldn't face what he had
done. In a blind panic, Seungmin turned and ran, his heart pounding in his ears. He didn't know where he was going, didn't care. He just needed to get away, to put as much distance between himself and the scene of his crime as possible.

The night swallowed him up, the
darkness closing in around him as he
ran. He didn't know how long he ran for, didn't care. All he knew was that he had failed. He had lost the control he had tried so hard to gain. He was truly a monster.

Seungmin didn't stop running until his
legs gave out, and he collapsed to the
ground, gasping for breath. The city
around him was a blur, his mind
consumed by the horror of what he had
done. He had tried so hard to hold on, to be strong, but in the end, it hadn't been enough.

He was a lost cause, just as he had
always feared. The darkness within him
had won, and now there was no going
back.