tokyo rev oneshots

hanma gets food poisoning

Hanma Shuji is a dumbass. One of his favorite things to do is go out into the woods, find some mushrooms, and let whatever happens happen. Usually he goes with Kisaki but he was busy today so he was off into the woods by himself.

Hanma got in his car and sped off to the nearest woods to him, which happened to be a 45 minute drive. On his way there he was dodging cars and weaving through traffic. Quite a few horns were honked and he was definitely getting screamed at but it was nothing that he wasn't already used to. Hanma made it to the woods in just under 20 minutes.

Once he arrived in the woods he immediately got out of his car and skipped merrily towards the tree-line. Days like these were some of the best times for Hanma. He felt like he got to let loose but also if things went sideways he could feel the rush of dancing with death. It wasn't like he wanted to die necessarily but he craved the feeling of being near deaths edge and walking that very thin line.

"That one didn't do anything," Hanma muttered while pointing at a specific mushroom. "That one gave me horrible diarrhea," He laughed out while pointing at another. "And that one." He paused. Slowly a smirk graced his lips. "I've never seen that one before."

His pace immediately quickened as he went to grab a handful of the new mushroom he had spotted. The mushrooms were a medium red and quite tall with no cap on top. It almost looked like coral. His reaction was immediate.

"Down the hatch." He giggled as he threw the plucked mushrooms to the back of his throat. After very little chewing he swallowed with an exasperated cough. "God, those taste fucking horrible."

Once again, Hanma Shuji is a dumbass. He figured the effects wouldn't hit him till about an hour later so after eating the mushrooms he got in his car and began the drive home. Maybe five minutes into the drive the effects started to hit. His stomach was cramping and pounding while his face felt extremely hot.

"Oh god." Hanma spoke calmly. He was never one to freak out but as soon as he realized his vision was getting warped his heart quickened.

With just a few more minutes of driving Hanma made it home but not before throwing up on the side of the road right after parking his car. His throw up came out quick and was the same redish color of the mushrooms he recently consumed.

Hanma went inside and tumbled to the elevator. His vision was going in and out in waves. For a few moments he could see perfectly fine but then in a split second he could only barely see a few inches in front of him. Once in the elevator he grabbed the railing and hoped the ride would be fast. He was on the highest floor so it took a few minutes which felt like hours but also seconds in Hanma's brain.

"If I could actually see and my stomach didn't hurt like a bitch this would be a pretty good high." Hanma muttered to himself.

Eventually, the elevator came to a stop and Hanma pushed himself off the railing and towards his door. He saw it going very swiftly but he was very wrong. With a harsh shove his upper body lurched forward but his legs didn't seem to follow. This led Hanma to fall directly onto his face.

"Oof." He grumbled.

Hanma tried placing his hands on the floor below him to push his body up but no matter the force he put in, he didn't seem to move at all. After maybe 10 minutes of laying on the floor Hanma realized he hadn't actually moved at all. When he thought his arms were moving they actually were just staying still at his sides. So, with a last effort he actually used his arms to push himself up. This time he was successful.

His legs were still wobbly and his vision blurry but he could see enough to reach his door and let himself inside. Of course his door was unlocked because he almost always forgot to lock it and he was quite grateful that he did. His door swung open quickly and slammed back on his wall with a screech.

"Too fucking loud." Hanma said as he covered his ears with his hands.

"Oh here he is!" Said Chifuyu.

Hanma lifted his head slowly and grinned at the sight in front of him. Chifuyu, Baji, Kazutora, Mikey, Takemichi, Draken, etc. were all sat around in his living room which had been haphazardly decorated with birthday balloons and streamers.

"MY BOYS!" Hanma yelled, way too loudly. "Oh god am I happy to see you guys!" He took about three steps forward before tumbling over himself and falling into the arms of Ran and Rindou.

"You alright, dude?" Rindou questioned while trying to make eye contact with a very quick headed Hanma.

"Totally fine! I just need one of you fine folks to call an ambulance for me." Hanma grinned as much as he could but it came out in more of a weakly opened mouth.

Everyone around him immediately started to panic. Takemichi was freaking out and yelling at everyone. Kisaki on the other hand was laughing his ass off. Ran and Rindou hefted Hanma onto the couch and Draken called an ambulance.

"What the fuck did you do?" Takemichi screamed down at a half sleeping Hanma.

"Too loud, Sweetheart." Hanma giggled. At this point Kazutora and Kisaki were laughing with each other while making jokes about Hanma's state.

"He probably hit his massive head on an exit sign." Kazutora splurted out. Kisaki keeled over just at the thought.

"He definitely went and ate some shrooms in the woods!" Kisaki deadpanned. Kazutora began to laugh even harder assuming that he was joking. "I'm not joking; He eats forrest mushrooms in his free time."

"Oh." Kazutora spoke before laughing even harder.

After watching Hanma throw up on himself three more times the ambulance finally arrived and loaded Hanma into the ambulance.

"Farewell darlings!" Hanma called before the doors were shut on him.

"So do we stay here and party or...what?" Mikey asked.

"We leave, dumbass." Draken deadpanned.

And with that, Hanma had ruined his own surprise birthday party. Hanma Shuji is a dumbass.

a/n
fun fact: i actually researched poisonous mushrooms in japan just for this oneshot so the effects of the past mushrooms he has tried and this mushroom are totally accurate! if you want to know, the mushroom that he ate is called Trichoderma cornu-damae. Also known as "poison fire coral" or "kaen-take" in Japanese.